Expect Respect? Police v/s Community

Those of you who know me, know I am not an activist.  I am not trying to be one, won’t be one after this.  But what I am is an African American citizen of the United States of America.  I am governed by laws that are written and some not written.  I respect authority and honor my president, no matter what party they are affiliated with and no matter what color they are.  I am patriotic, I do love this country.  I still hold my hand over my heart when I hear the Star Spangled Banner.   What I am not, is BLIND.

I wrote an earlier blog about Resisting Arrest. It speaks to the difficulty for anyone to NOT resist arrest.  It is not in our make-up. Our bodies automatically move when in pain, automatically respond when threatened.  My first blog was early in the day so I mentioned the shooting of Mr. Alton Sterling, but I chose to not comment on what I had not looked further into.   

Since then, I was able to view another angle of the shooting.  My heart sank and  I almost threw up.  I accidentally came across the video and before I knew it, I was watching a man die.  I watched his arm shake uncontrollably while the life left his body.  In the midst of the cursing from the officers and the removing of the gun from his shorts, I was unable to move.   

Last night I lost a lot of sleep due to talking to my children.  My 14 year old son was talking about the video, so I sat with him in my room and talked it out.  I could see him wiping tears, trying not to let me see him.  We had a discussion about why I do what I do when a teacher calls me from school or why I have him apologize on his own when a bus driver wrongfully accuses him of something.  The initial conversation from the school often seems escalated on their end, they were expecting me to defend, take off earrings and fight.  But, I allow them to see the rational and understanding side of our family.  This has served us well in school.  But what happens when he begins to drive, when he begins to look for a job and people don’t call me to complain about him.  Needless to say, we went to bed late.  I woke this morning and the light was still on in his room.  He slept with the light on.

Yes, I was tired.  But before sleeping I had the horror of watching yet another live feed of Mr. Philando Castile who was shot and killed by an officer after a traffic stop.  I don’t watch high level violent movies, so I am not calloused, this is not entertainment to me.  This became a rare occasion that I am seeing a second person die after being shot- this one on a live feed.

I have mentioned before that I was not an activist.  But I know that action is required.  At some point, we have to realize that there are problems in our society.  Many of us have known it, but others who have the power to do something about it, still live in denial.  I listened as one woman tried to use Mr. Sterling’s past as an excuse to be gunned down while pinned down.  I hear another person say that the officers were in fear for their lives.  I’m not sure they saw the same 2 videos that I saw.

So what are we going to do?  I encourage everyone to do what you can.  You may not do crowds or boycotting, but you may write, talk, send letters, call your congressman, mayor or other government officials.  Let them know, something has to be done to better unite our communities and our law enforcement. 

RESPECT GAINED- RESPECT LOST

POSITIONAL RESPECT

There are two ways to gain respect.  One way respect is gained is for the position, role or title you hold.  It is expected and given automatically.  You don’t have to earn it, people can respect you while you are in that position, but they might still disrespect you otherwise.  It is like working on a job for a boss you dislike, but because of their role and your paycheck, you put up with it.  The position of law enforcement has been given the same boot that our presidential role has been given.  Ever since President Bush was ridiculed as he left office, had shoes thrown at him, the office has been disrespected.  Now with President Obama, it has escalated.  NO respect for the POSITION. Our police have lost the respect as a position. This is unfortunate for those who do their jobs well and take their oath seriously.  It is much like any race or religion who are placed in the same pot and judged as a whole.

EARNED RESPECT

The second way to gain respect is to earn it.   This depends on what you do or what you have done.   Each day we have to earn respect on our jobs, in our neighborhoods and in our families.  How we act determines whether or not someone will give us any respect.  Now, our police are losing that too.  How can you enforce the law if there is no respect for authority?  What we are seeing right now is not good. We need to begin and continue a valid conversation in our communities and with our law enforcement.  We need training on both sides on how to handle a simple stop that is not viewed initially as criminal. We need training on how to deescalate situations instead of escalating them.   

We have a choice.  We can get angry for a moment then continue with life as it has been, or we can do something about it.  In our homes- give back authority to parents to discipline children without fear of prosecution, give back the right to be innocent until proven guilty, give back what we take from each other every day-  the right to live.

If we don't do something, all of us are subject to lose.  

If we can’t find a common ground of mutual respect with the community and law enforcement…there will be no enforcement of law.

RESISTING ARREST- You May Too!

I awoke this morning to the news of another man being gunned down and killed by the police.  My heart is heavy and saddened once again.  I found myself thinking:

“I wonder how they are going to explain this one.”  

Don’t get me wrong, I am not by any means against police.  My mother was a deputy sheriff in El Paso for many years.  She befriended many that she apprehended, they would come to our house and she would help them get their lives together.   I recall reading (without her knowing) reports of her having to apprehend offenders while transporting them to jail. Some freed themselves and had to be contained again in the van they were riding in.  I couldn’t imagine my mother doing that! Not only did I grow in concern for her safety, but I also grew in respect for what she did every day to provide for us as a single mother.  

I understand the daily concern for safety and not knowing what someone is thinking or planning when police approach someone.  But I also understand the same feelings today when being approached by the police or by anyone for that matter.  So when I said “I wonder how they are going to explain this one” It is a real question.  They will be called on to determine why a man on the ground pinned by two officers, was shot and killed. Why their cameras somehow fell off during the scuffle.  It was said there was a gun in the deceased man’s pocket, but not in his hand. 

I hope that all responsible people will take time to pray for everyone involved, for the family that just lost a loved one; for the process to determine what happened, and for the city that is on edge.

I am not going to talk much more about this incident, since it is in the beginning stages and more info will surface, but I will share something that has been in my mind for quite a while.

Resisting Arrest

Who knows HOW NOT TO DO THIS?  So many reasons have been given for excessive force being used because someone was resisting arrest.   When I hear that a person apprehended pulled back or pulled away, maybe they tried to lift their head or torso from the ground, they twisted their body when their arms were pinned behind their back.  Who knows HOW NOT TO DO THIS?

I will tell you who knows how to NOT resist arrest- the learned criminal.

Honestly, every day I hear about someone being beaten or shot because they resisted arrest, I have asked myself.  How do they know how not to resist? 

• It is in our makeup if we are pushed down, we pull up. 
• If someone aims for our head, we raise our arms to block.
• If something surprises us, we get in a Kung Fu stance.  (at least I do)
• If we are chased, surprised, or think danger-  we run or, we may advance. 

This is normal behavior for all humans- every race, every gender. 

The only ones who resist with ill intent are the learned  criminals.  The rest of us don’t really know how NOT to resist arrest.  We are not accustomed to having our hands pulled high behind our backs, we are not used to being told to get on the ground without asking questions.  And being forced on the ground with a knee in our back is not only uncomfortable, our bodies will not just relax and let it happen.

NOTE TO LAW ENFORCEMENT:

I wish that you would take note. Understand that the average person does not have a record. Some of us look like we do, but that is called profiling.  (I was told many times that I look like I can sing.)

We don’t respond instantly to someone telling us to get on the ground or chasing us- even if you have a uniform on.  (Nowadays, especially if you have one)

NOTE FOR THE REST OF US: I have heard many say, “They shouldn’t have resisted.” 

Don’t get it in your mind that it is automatically acceptable to shoot or beat someone who is said to be resisting arrest.  Unless we begin to think like a seasoned criminal, we may one day be roughed up for the same reason.  

Just something to think about.....

Please take time now to pray for the family of Mr. Alton Sterling, for those involved, and for Baton Rouge.

Racism: It's Your Move!

 

I  missed Jesse Williams’ acceptance speech on BET the other day.  I was hanging with my kids and grandkids.  So of course I had to search for the speech to hear what the buzz was about.  After hearing it, I felt a sense of pride that someone could articulate the problem so well, but I also felt sad, because no matter how well it is articulated… it still does not solve the problem.

Racism is a hard topic for me.

I was raised in a children’s home full of white and Hispanic children.    We were the only black family that lived there.  No one knew how to do our hair and no one could show us how to.   We were called names, talked about and ridiculed openly around the other young children that didn’t look like us.  This was done mainly by the adults that worked in the home.   Because the children’s home we lived in was a Christian based home, it gave us a glimpse of God.  We learned scripture and songs did programs and went to camp.  I was so busy living life and trying to have fun that I ignored some of the snide remarks and funny looks.  I don’t really think I saw the problem.   

I recall one night after our baths, the kids were watching TV in the den.  We were all sitting on the floor in our clean hand me down pajamas when a commercial came on.  It featured a young black couple advertising popular toothpaste.  When the jingle played and they smiled, their teeth were glistening white and straight.  I looked at the TV proudly!   Immediately the woman who was watching us said loudly “Those are not their teeth, black people don’t have good teeth.”   

 

 

To this day, I always remember that comment. This is what we grew up with, but instead of getting mad at everyone, I realized that there was a problem.   And it wasn’t me. 

Racism is a hard topic for me.  Not because I think it does not exist.  Not because I am an angry black woman who is scared.  It is hard for me because I know what God thinks about all of us.  He loves us. ALL OF US.  There is something so unique about all of us and every day, we miss it.  We miss HIM.

Honestly, I don’t know how to fix the problem.   I don’t have any new plan or  advice to end it.   I can only raise my kids to love everyone but also understand that others may not love them.  I can teach my son to be aware of his surroundings, to respect all law enforcement, but don’t agree to something that might be a set up.  I can remind my children and all those around me to respect each other and believe the best, until you start seeing the worst.

 

 

To me fighting racism is twofold.  It has to be done by both sides.  One side can’t expect the other to change without the other side changing.  It is like a marriage.  God tells women to respect their husbands and tells husbands to love their wives.    BUT…….Who is supposed to begin the process? 

We used to say, “Men, if you love her, she will respect you.”  and “Women, if you respect him, he will love you.”  But no one wants to make the first move.

You can’t get someone to think differently of you if you continue doing the negative things that they expect.  And You know you will not think differently of others if they keep doing the negative things you expect.  We  may be able to live around  each other,  but we may not trust them, just like they may not trust you. 

So, my conclusion is this.  I have no clue what we are going to do to fix this problem in our society.  But it is a serious problem.   So there it is......

 

Who will make the first move?

 

Fighting Terror In Terrible Times- Pray for Orlando

 

All of us are aware of the tragic happenings in Orlando Sunday Morning.  We are shocked, angry and hurt.  So many emotions grip us, including fear- because all of us realize, it could have been us. 

You may say “No, I wouldn’t be caught in a Gay Club, so it couldn’t be me.” 

But truth be told, do you have children in elementary school?  Have you ever gone to a mall, eaten out in a restaurant or attended a movie?  What about driving?  Have you ever honked your horn at someone on the road?  Maybe you have been in a relationship with someone either personal or professional and it was not the best?  You may be a manager who had to fire someone because their performance was not up to the company standards.   Perhaps you have attended a simple bible study in the middle of the week….. 

Yes, it could have been you…. it could have been me.

Oddly enough, every time we hear of these killings our world becomes closer and further at the same time.  On one hand, we understand the pain of a mother looking for her son.  We understand the trauma of a person pretending to be dead with someone else’s blood on them.  All of a sudden, we come out of our politically correct mindsets, our racial divisiveness, our spiritual differences and we hurt together as one.  But on the other hand, somehow we try to figure out what just happened and who in their right mind would do something like this.  Then we start blaming. 

Maybe if we blame someone, it will help us with our anger, we can focus our pain and terror on a group or political cause- so we can feel better from day to day.

We blame other religions. This leaves religious leaders constantly trying to convince us they are not part of the problem.  They understand that this kind of anger can turn into retaliation –even though they have lived and worked in this country without any ill will. 

We blame the availability of guns.  Which causes another battle, since guns really don’t kill people, people kill people. Our next argument is if we would just regulate, maybe that will change this pain and terror we feel today.  That leads us to the next blame….

We blame mental illness.  This is normally where we park when we try to make sense of something that makes no sense.  But it does not completely explain the disgruntled coworker, the road rage driver, the heartbroken lover, or even the person who is just angry and feels they have nothing to lose.  Though we would love to believe it is all mental illness, then we have to admit… all of us suffer from some type of it.

Then we try to name it.  Is it a Terror attack or is it a Hate crime?  Truth is… anytime anyone takes another person’s life, it is a terror attack and a hate crime.  It is driven by hate and it adds terror to the lives the many people closest to those who have been lost as well as everyone who knows at any time, it could be them.

In Sunday’s attack, I realized we have become too vulnerable to our own terror. 

Just because someone we say is mentally ill says they have ties with ISIS, does that mean they do?  After all, they were supposed to be mentally ill.  Are they trying to connect with something greater than themselves so they can go out in a wave of glory and confusion and allow their name to live on?  And of course ISIS- whether it is a connection or not ,may accept it- if it is bad enough.  That way their goal is still met.  Terror.  Then we fall right into the  same trap that grips us.

 

Whether we try to blame someone or try to get a target in our minds to help us cope. we are still in terror. Our anger at the family that raised the individual may help, perhaps send them a death threat, that will surely change things.  NO… it just keeps us in the cycle that started it all.  HATE.

The bible says Fear has torment.  (Terror)

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”  1 John 4:18

 

America is often best when we are under attack from a known enemy.  We lay aside our differences and focus on helping our brother or sister who are hurting like we are.  Whether it is flooding in Texas, tornadoes in The Great Plains, fires in California,   or a lone shooter on the loose.  We have seen our best behavior when we are fighting together against a known enemy.   America has the opportunity to be better than that.   If we realize that ISIS is not our greatest enemy and that they are simply a tool of our greatest enemy, then maybe we will look and find who our greatest enemy is.  Yes, you expect me to say the devil, satan.  Yes, I can say that, but if God is love, then HATE is not working with Him but against Him.  When we hate each other whether by the color of our skin, political views or even our religion… we are cooperating with our greatest enemy. 

PERFECT LOVE CAST OUT ALL FEAR.  If we want to really settle the issue that causes us the greatest terror, we have to learn to love.

 

Father God,

Thank You for caring about everything that concerns us.  Lord, we pray today for every person who has been broken by this horrible attack.  Though we may all have different views about You,  I thank You for touching their families, thank You for loving them and sending them comfort during this time.  Not one of us would want to trade place with them, but help us to join together with them in prayer. To realize there is more that connects us than divides.  Help them to find a place of peace and love in the midst of torment and terror.  And Father, we pray for our country.  Help us to rely on You, to trust in You to seek You.  You said if we sought your face and prayed for our nation You would hear and heal our land.  We are not giving up on that.   Thank You for sending healing today, especially to Orlando.  For all those who suffer with mental illness and  are troubled in their minds with thoughts of violence, help them to get the help they need to find the peace that evades them. We thank You for caring about all of us, even those who are struggling today.  We thank You for  peace and for hope, in Jesus name, amen.

 
(Get the book by Jacqui Goudeau " Departed Friends- Good Grief"  chapter on The Blame Game.)www.wisdomspeakstoday.com

To Kill or Not to Kill- Remembering Harambe

The video was scary, but somehow it also seemed calm.  The young 3-4 year old boy looked up at the silverback gorilla almost, it seemed, without fear.  Maybe I couldn’t hear the boy for the crowd.  The most drama seemed to come from the sound of the onlookers each time the 17 year old Silverback gorilla- a critically endangered species, moved with the child in tow. Maybe He was getting irritated by the crowd, not the child. Shortly after this, a decision is made and BAM. 

Harambe is gone.

 Anytime we take an animal out of their natural habitat, we take on more responsibility to provide for them; after all, it is unnatural.  Even with my dog Zoe.  She should be living outside somewhere fending for herself in the wild.  But she gets a free roof over her head, food twice a day, fresh water, and on occasion, doggie treats if she shakes our hand and does a high five.   She is let out in the middle of night if she can wake me, and during thunder storms… she knows she can sleep on the foot of my bed- shivering.  In return for all of this, she barks and keeps prowlers away. Supposedly. Even though I have a security system.

We have a responsibility when we pull animals into our world.  Many feel in this instance, we failed Harambe.  He was in a manmade enclosure, minding his own business when company dropped in.  He has heard crowds before, but somehow this time it was more unnerving. There was nothing he did wrong, but today was going to be his final day in captivity.  

I’m not going to attempt to answer the complexities of this situation, I don’t know all the facts and even if I did, it wouldn’t change anything.  What is done is done, but here are a few things I have heard and something for us to think about: 

 

DISCLAIMER:

THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS OF THIS AUTHOR OR THIS BLOG.

QUESTIONS & COMMENTS:  What if the gorilla was agitated and about to hurt the child?  What would our discussion be now?  What if the child actually died?  Who would we sue?  Who could we blame?  How much could we make? 

Why would we place the life of an animal above the life of a human? What if a tranquilizer would only anger or stun the animal?  Even law enforcement understands there are times that your actions have to be lethal. You can’t risk the unexpected response and the potential harm to those around.  Should animals be exempt from that? Maybe we should have tranquilized the child so he would be still and not feel anything, or perhaps just shoot the child so the animal could live? After all, he is endangered.

Where was the mom when he fell in?  Standing in the crowd yelling “I love you” does no good when you are smelling the breath and body of a huge hairy animal. I’ve lost my child in a store before, have you?  I even accidentally slammed my child's finger in a door, not once but twice in one week.  Does that make me an unfit mother? My child moved too fast, jumped into the front seat before I realized they were there.  That was AFTER UNDOING the seatbelt.  The mother should lose her job in child care, after all, she misplaced her own child. Perhaps the parents should have been shot instead of the gorilla. Charges should be filed concerning the parents.  We have thousands of signatures on  a petition calling for parents to be charged.  (Funny but we can’t get some of the same people to vote) Death threats have already been made towards the parents.  Yeah, let’s kill the parents because the gorilla died.

 We are angry people.  And I get it.  I love animals too.  But I was never commanded to love animals, just to care for them. I am however commanded to love people.   People will always be more important than animals.  At least, in God's eyes.  

But let me get to the main point in this....  

We HUMANS are the real critically endangered species.

We have forgotten how to disagree, we have forgotten how to fight and make up.  When we think an opinion is different than ours, we are ready to draw blood. I don’t even feel right using a scripture that talks about loving one another and laying down our life for the brethren… it seems so lost in this time.  What happened to the people you could count on? Those who would go over board to ensure you were okay?  People who believed when you messed up, maybe you made a mistake, not an intentional act. We are angry, angry people.  We think with emotions not logic, guidelines much less standards.  If I want to shoot at you for driving in front of me, I do.  Maybe we have less patience with each other because we actually should know better.  Some things we do.... we should know better.

We are angry people, and until we find peace with God, learn to love each other and find peace within ourselves, we will continue to be angry.

In conclusion:  Today, we mourn the death of Harambe- a GORILLA.   Somehow, I believe we should also mourn the PASSING OF THE HUMAN RACE.  Unless we get back to the real basics of caring and loving each other, we are doomed. 

R.I.P.  HARAMBE.... It is yet to be seen if we will.

Take Off Your Hat, and CHILL!

 I recently had the privilege to be surrounded by a group of successful people from various walks.  It is good for me, who does not get out much to take time to see success in everyday settings.   It is great to be around people who know their purpose and are going forward in it.   At this gathering, everyone was kind and focused, they seemed to genuinely enjoy meeting and being in the company of others.  Except for one.

There was a person present who put a last minute damper on the event for a colleague I invited to attend with me.  For some reason they decided to tear into my friend for really no reason at all.  They didn’t like something my friend said earlier (something that all of us got an icebreaking laugh out of) But without knowing who they were talking to, they took it upon themselves  to berate her openly when she reached to greet them.  We were shocked.  We found out later that was normal for them and they had this type of reputation and has done similar things to others at gatherings.

I always tell people “God knows who to allow to go through things like that, I am so glad it was you and not me.”  Even though I don’t excuse that type of behavior, I try sometimes to understand.  I really try to understand what makes someone think they are high enough to talk down to someone else, especially someone they do not know.  

I read a book once that talked about the many hats we wear.  When we are at home with our kids- that is one type of hat.  We have another hat among our friends and peers, and another one we wear to work.    Many people have toiled to perfect their work hat.  Some have fought through getting an education, sleepless nights and missed promotions to get that hat. They may have battled with discrimination and gender bias to get that hat.   Some have been misunderstood and ridiculed by coworkers, but maintained their hat.  So when I think about this person and the role they now have in our city, you can’t help but think they EARNED that hat.  They probably are respected at work for their hat and often may need to deal with difficult situations to maintain that hat.  

I get it, but this is a word of wisdom for all of us who have a hat that causes us to be firm, stern or confrontational.

When you get away from the grind at work,

TAKE THE HAT OFF AND CHILL!!  

Too many of us keep that same hat on and try to deal with our spouse, our kids, our neighbors or strangers at a meeting! That hat has served you well when you have to collect funds from a client that is past due.  It may have served you well when you have to reprimand a worker that has been lax in their performance.  But the world is not your staff.  We don’t get the benefit, or understand why you are waving that hat in our face.  Take it off, and enjoy the benefit of people that can actually help you, or you them.

The bible says in   Hebrews 13:1-2:

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.   Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

We never know who it is in our midst.  Someone who has a key God has given them to your peace.  Meaning, a simple word of encouragement from a ‘stranger’ may make a difference in your day, your life.  The scripture talks about ‘entertaining angels unawares” Meaning, they know the blessing they are, what they have to offer, you just don’t know it.  God has placed treasure in earthen vessels.  He has blessings and words of encouragement for us and it is hidden in PEOPLE.   You may never know the angels that you have passed up because they seem to not look or talk like an angel.  We walked away from that meeting knowing that they really didn’t know who they were in the company of, because they could not see beyond the rim of their own hat.     

 So all you professional go getters….Thank you for serving well, for sacrifices you have made, for taking your job serious and for causing a change in the world.  But at the end of the day, your accomplishments pale in comparison to what we think of YOU as person, how you treat everyday people when you get off work.  So next time you gather at a family reunion, or a company luncheon, maybe you are at a PTA meeting or ball game;  we know you have fought corporate America to wear that hat from work, but you are with everyday people who want and deserve the best of you.  Feel free to take the hat off, and CHILL!

"A GAP IN JUDGEMENT" -Taylor's Gap Year: Our Journey

It has been announced that Malia Obama is taking a gap year!  I have heard and read some responses that are both shocking and thoughtful.  A few people seem to think that this will cause other children to follow the same path.  Others think if they do perhaps if they may become lazy and never go back to further their education.  

My take on this…  we are such interesting people.  We often forget how to think whenever the media gives us a thought. Raising our kids has never been a ‘public opinion’ driven task.  Considering our child, who they are, what they want and are called to do should be key when making decisions.  Now I can’t talk about Malia Obama (who by the way has grown to be a beautiful young woman), but I can talk about my own child, who also has grown to become a beautiful, purposeful and adventurous young woman.

Taylor took a Gap year right after she graduated from a High School in Spring, Texas in 2013.  Her father and I never really heard of a Gap year, much less anyone doing it before, so we were concerned about why she wanted to do it.  Maybe it was our fault.  Our kids are heavy thinkers and often think through anything they want to do.  Since her father and I were separated at the time, maybe she was trying to be sure I was okay.  Maybe she had a concern about the finances, whether or not we could or would afford to send her to the out of state school that she desired to attend.   All of these thoughts came to my mind, but I had to push them aside and ASK her the question.  

Taylor visited one school she contemplated attending.  They paid her way and gave her a tour of the facility.  It was not her first time traveling alone.  During high school, she was nominated to go with People to People on their European tour.  She learned about getting along with other nationalities and learned to appreciate the differences.  She also traveled with people she didn’t know before the trip.  Watching her grow and connect with strangers made it easier to see her off on the 8 hour flight.   So when she visited the college in Kansas City, we were not really that concerned about her getting to and from the airport.  She researched everything and had all the contact info she needed.  

What we didn’t know was what she told us later.  She stayed at the hotel the night they all went out after seeing how the chaperone interacted with the other kids on the tour.  Not only was the adult supervisor drinking, cursing and laughing with them all, they basically didn’t seem like they were qualified to be the tour guide.  After seeing the environment at the school and the students that she may be there with, she decided that she needed a little time as a Christian to really sure up her beliefs before testing them in that atmosphere.  I could not have been more proud of her.  After encouraging her to pray about it along with the college she wanted to attend, we allowed her to take her- what we soon found was called, a GAP YEAR.

GAP IN JUDGEMENT?

After hearing that Taylor was taking this GAP year, one teacher asked her if we, her parents were going to agree to that.  She was ‘concerned’ that Taylor wouldn’t go forward in schooling.  She asked if we, her parents- would want to support her without a job.  We both laughed when she told me.  Like we wouldn’t support our child (especially after we encouraged her to talk to God and get direction). 

Some people thought maybe it was my fault that she decided to do something so unusual.  I am basically a home girl, meaning stay at home!   They felt maybe my easygoing nature had finally rubbed off on her.  Maybe she would find a place to work and spend years there, like I did.  But no, Taylor still had a drive that I wouldn’t and couldn’t stop. 

Even though she made the decision and thought it out, at one time, she began to think maybe it was not a good idea!  That surprised me, but after hearing so many people’s opinions, maybe that was why.  So, she sat down and planned her year. She signed up for a Mission Trip, something she was not able to do when she was in high school.   She added volunteering and ministry work to her goals and even taught in our Children’s Church and helped with youth.  She joined the art ministry  and was part of a few presentations.  She applied for and got a job that wants her back every summer she comes home.  Not only did she make good friends on the job, she learned a lot about herself, customer service and how committed or lazy coworkers can be.  (Grownup coworkers)  She also took a finance class; this taught her about credit cards,  savings, paying off bills etc.  Something I never got after school.   Overall, that year set her up for her first year of college where the work load was crazy!  She learned to make decisions better, cope with her fellow students, and roommates. She has learned to persevere after not getting an internship that she applied for, but she continued to apply, was accepted this year and will be there this fall.  She has been on a mission trip to China and lived, ate and slept in the mountains with the natives.  Though she enjoyed the ministry opportunity, she came back with an appreciation for life and all that it offers.  So when thinking about her GAP year, I am glad she took time to decide something that gave her time to find herself, her purpose and her passion.

GAP YEAR IS NOT FOR EVERYONE

Even though this has proven to be a great decision for Taylor, I realize not everyone can do this.  Someone was quoted as saying GAP years are for immature kids who need more time to grow up. That might be true for some kids, but honestly, again you have to KNOW your child.  If your child is already immature, I wouldn’t recommend it if they don’t have a path to grow up or a plan for the year that can give instruction to help them mature.   To us the GAP year was because she WAS maturing.  She was able to look at where she was going, recover from the hard work from school, plan for the next steps and work to get finances and life skills that she would ultimately need and use once she got to college. As parents, the best thing we can do is to know our kids.  If we have not deposited in them responsibility and purpose, it won’t matter if they go to college the day after graduating, they may still lack some fundamental character skills to deal with life. 

FINAL THOUGHT

I am big on helping kids grow up.  The bible never uses the term “teenager” that is man-made.  The bible talks about a young child,  boy or girl, a young man/woman, or an old man/woman.  So if we are raising our children, when they are young boys and girls, we should be pointing them towards being a young man or young woman.  For each child it happens at a different pace, it happens when they show they can handle the next step.  So, give your children the benefit of the belief.  If you have put in them the ability to use wisdom  and choose well, let them!  Trying to manage their entire life only causes you to have a dependent that you can't use for your taxes!   

Teach your children to talk to God about their life, to trust that He has a plan for them, and then allow them to walk in it.  If they make mistakes, welcome to the world!  We all have, the biggest disappointment  and mistake is when we don’t learn from them. 

So I say “GO AHEAD Malia!  Enjoy this journey, this is your life.  So plan for it, prepare for it and conquer."
To Taylor I say, "Love you Chica, so proud of you and I'm  looking forward to all that God will do in and through you!"