The Three Best Gifts I Got for Myself!

This is one of my least 'spiritual' blogs!  Not because it will not have a spiritual lesson in it, but because it really is about the three best gifts I got for myself!  After a life of giving and making sure others were okay, it dawned on me one day, 'Why are you not taking care of yourself, or not benefiting from the hard work you do everyday?'  

I realized it is understood that I am going to honor God, try to be a blessing to people and take care of my family; but sometimes I do it without thinking about myself. This is not a selfish thing either, I need to stop waiting for others to give me what I can get on my own, and stop thinking that it is selfish to do it.  I have learned to give to others without expecting too much in return.  I can make sure they are okay, but I need to be sure I am too.  Instead of waiting for people to think about me and take care of me, I have learned to take care of myself!  If you can afford it, there is nothing wrong with treating yourself. 

I am about to share the best gifts and why I gave them to myself along with why I recommend them to anyone else.  Some of you have already heard this and many have purchased some- if not all of these items for yourself.  I have gotten good feedback from people who are enjoying the benefit of having aquired some of these items - some say they cannot imagine life without them.  

Here are my three gifts that I recommend to you!

Neato

The first gift I got for myself was a robotic vacuum.  After realizing that my house was getting emptier, no young kids and not as many hands to help with the cleaning... I was told about a robot vacuum that really worked.  So I went online,  googled it, shopped around, read the reviews and found the best one for me.  There were others on the market that were rated higher, and some less expensive.  But if I was getting a gift for me, it needed to meet my needs.  So NEATO was my choice.  The things that made it stand out were simple, first it dealt well with pet hair, second it could get corners a bit better than the round ones and lastly and the biggest selling feature was that after going back to the dock to charge, it will pick up where it left off!  That was huge for me since I didn't plan to watch it and put it back in it's place.  This has been a great help at home, I can actually work on something else and the house is being vacuumed at the same time.  If you have small children, it might not be best since it looks like a toy, but the dog just moves when he shows up.  Since it has a timer, I can schedule it for the days and times I want it to clean, I have to empty the dust canister, but other than that.... I am enjoying my Neato!   (Thank you SS!)

The Air Fryer

I like fried foods.  I have not been eating them the way I did in the past because... well... the grease.  Some think grease tastes good, but I  just like crunchy food.  I wanted to lose the grease but still enjoy the fried taste in a healthy way.  That brings me to the second gift I got for myself, which  was an Air Fryer.  I saw someone post something about one, and sent them a message inquiring about theirs.  After getting the info, I began my search.  I googled, shopped around, read reviews, I watched You Tube videos and I finally made my decision.  The first thing I tried in it was chicken wings; after all... that is what I had been missing the most.  I must say, it didn't disappoint.  With just a little bit of cooking spray and seasoning, I had a crunchy wing that was tasty and juicy. I did try one with flour on it, but since I don't really eat them that way, I can't answer if it was as good.  I am pleased that I can now eat my air-fried potatoes, chicken and more.  An added bonus was being able to reheat restaurant left overs that were fried without them being soggy.  If you like fried foods, but don't want the grease, this I highly  recommend! (Thank you SW)

The Pressure Cooker 

The last gift I gave myself was kind of unexpected.  I was talking to a client and they mentioned that they were thinking of getting one.  I had not heard too much about them but it sounded interesting to me.  So there I went... you already know.  I searched, I googled, shopped around, read reviews from others who already purchased the various brands and soon I found the one that met my needs at a price I could afford and click... I made the purchase!  This has been the most interesting and most used gift I have given myself! (outside my water flosser- that is another story)  I have made gumbo in just 20 minutes, beans from scratch in just 45 minutes, turkey legs fall off the bone in 20 minutes and more!  It has seven different features including a slow cooker, soup and stews, it saute's and has a yogurt maker!  I can cook meat that is frozen on days I forget to take something out of the freezer and because it is pressure cooking the seasoning goes IN the food, not just on it.  It works with a timer that slow releases on it's own, and warms once time runs out.   If you are someone who cooks all the time, but it is hard during the week due to your schedule, this is a time saver!  I takes the PRESSURE OFF OF COOKING!  I highly reccommend it!  (Thank you JD!)

The Gift I Couldn't Give Myself

Those are my three gifts I got for myself.  My son laughs at me.  He says that every time someone comes to the house, I start talking about that pressure cooker, or the air fryer.    I told him that was not true, but then I started noticing, and I realize I do.  The same thing happened Christmas day when I began to tell everyone I was making my gumbo, but it would only take me 15-20 minutes.  My son started laughing and reminded me again that I ALWAYS  talk about it. 

 I laughed then turned to him and said: 

"Whenever you find something that impacts or changes your life, you can't help but share it!" 

Well isn't that the truth!   

So here I go again... 

There is one more gift I want to talk about. Many of my friends have tried it, and they swear it is the best gift they have ever received.   Now I won't pretend that I was not skeptical and I won't pretend I didn't doubt at first, because I did.   I did what I typically do, although I couldn't google back then, but I read for myself, I listened to testimonies of others who  received it already, and I waited to be sure I was serious about receiving this gift- and I accepted it.  The best part is that it had a lifetime guarantee- actually eternal life guarantee; and get this.....I couldn't beat the price because it was already paid for! This gift is SALVATION!  

I have to say, I am one happy kid.  I walk every day - never alone, I have a priceless gift that I only have to feed, cultivate and yield to every day.  The peace that comes from it, even in the midst of storms, the love even when hate is so prevalent, and the forgivness I am granted even in the midst of my wrongs. I am truly blessed.

I am enjoying living this life, I can't imagine my life without Him, and more than a time saver, Jesus is a lifesaver!  So excuse me, if on more than one occasion... I just  keep talking or blogging about this eternal gift that cost more than I could afford,  I could not give it to myself, but I got it for free!  (Thank You JC!)

NOTE: Each gift I got for myself was reccommeded to me by someone else.  I have used their inititals to thank them... including JC (Jesus Christ) He used others much like you to tell me about His wonderful gift!  Thank you to all who shared!

Uninvited Guest! RSVP

Our parents were both born and raised in North Carolina and as a young military family they traveled a lot.  Some of this journey was seen in the five places their five children were born- Arizona,  Ethiopia,  New Mexico, New Jersey and El Paso, Texas; where we eventually settled down.  To this day we call El Paso home and have had great friends on base and off that frequented our home; but the one thing that was missing was family.  Don't get me wrong, we had great times and gatherings at our house, but we had no cousins, uncles, aunts, or grandparents who lived there with us.  It wasn't until I was grown and married that I realized how that simple truth had affected me. 

INVITATION ONLY

When I graduated high school and moved to Houston, it seemed that on more than one occasion people would just "Drop By."  If we left the garage open, people would just come inside.  If the door is unlocked, a family member who was in the area may knock once, then  just walk in.  This was very new to me. I was a bit offended early on until I realized I was the one who was different. Everyone was used to being around family, and used to going to each other's  homes, looking in the refrigerator and getting food -without asking. This difference in my thinking was also seen in family gatherings during the holidays.  When I married I found that it was assumed that we were automatically invited, but somehow my mind didn't work that way. I still waited for an invitation even after being given an open invite. This was a direct result of my childhood where there was no family around and invitations were always given by non family members.  I had carried that through my life and even today, without realizing it, my upbringing still says... BY INVITATION ONLY.

When I think of my upbringing, I can't help but think of the many people who you know, that I know who will be alone this Christmas.  Not because they want to be, but they are waiting on an invitation.  Many times people who have been raised with everyone 'dropping by' may not be accustomed to having to tell someone they love that they are invited to come over, or to join them for an event.  But for a moment, think about how it may feel to show up somewhere not knowing if you were supposed to be there or not, verses knowing that you have been invited.  It makes a huge difference.  If you know someone who is alone during the holidays, it is worth the extra effort to formally speak to them, send a note and let them know that their presence is welcomed.  A general invite or open invitation does not always  work for those of us who have never just drop by other's homes, we actually need to know that this time, we are invited again.  It might seem unnecessary, but that is only to those who don't understand what may trigger that need. We are accustomed to people saying "Call before you drop by."  but remember others are just wondering... "Can I?"  During this holiday, take time to invite and reach out to those that you love but you may seldom see. 

ANOTHER INVITE

While on this topic, we may as well look at this spiritually!  It works the same way when inviting people to church.   It feels one way to show up at a church or event for the first time, and the person who gave you the 'general' invite is not even there!  You may enjoy yourself, but it can kind of feel like you are at a gathering -uninvited.  In contrast, there is  joy in knowing that someone EXPECTS you to come and they are actually looking for you, waiting for you and they are going to take time to introduce you to others in their life that attend the same church. There is a slight difference between a visitor and a guest, one implies expectation due to invitation, the other just showed up. Remember, if we want people to respond to the invitation, we have to first give it.  

THE GREATEST INVITATION 

Jesus says that He stands at the door knocking, if anyone hears His voice and opens the door, He will fellowship with them.  This is the greatest invitation of all times, and God is still sending it out.   He sends it through church services, through His kids who touch and reach people every day.  He sends this invitation by simple posts or blogs, He is always calling for you, calling for me.  In the midst of everything you deal with this holiday remember to send invitations to  those you want to fellowship with you, and remember to respond to His invitation for you to fellowship with Him.  He is still the reason... Enjoy your holidays and don't forget to RSVP !

NOTE: For those who know me, as an extroverted introvert...this is not an attempt to get an invite! Just a reminder to look for those we may unintentionally overlook, and to know that Jesus is still knocking at the door of all hearts.   

Failed Implosion! Having done all...STAND!

I recently watched a segment on the news dealing with an implosion that went wrong.  A particular building was targeted to be destroyed and because of where it was located,  plus the cost and time it would take- it couldn't just be torn down.   So, implosion was the plan. The only problem was that it didn't work. 

It can take years to prepare a building for implosion.  After deeming the facility unsafe, or after agreeing that it has 'seen better days',  the decision may be made to implode it.  Since the facility may be surrounded by vibrant and up and coming buildings, the plans have to be specific as to not damage those around it.

Strictly speaking, an implosion is an event where something collapses inward, because the external atmospheric pressure is greater than the internal pressure.  For example, if you pumped the air out of a glass tube, it might implode.

The day came, the  cameras were ready and the explosives went off.  There was a gust of smoke all around it, but the building stood.  Everyone realized their time of planning failed, now they had to go back to the drawing board.   As usual, this small news segment made me think...

YOU ARE A BUILDING 

The bible talks about us being "a building not made with hands.."  We have heard about how we are built and crafted by God, we are a tabernacle of God.  After a while if we are not careful, we can begin to think that we are not needed, nor are we useful.  We can think we have "seen better days."  But I want to remind you to stand firm, keep renovating, keep growing and keep working until the day that Jesus comes.    

We all have the same enemy and his tactics are not new.  He desires to steal, kill and destroy us from outward measures or inward ones.   Sometimes it is easier to see the outward attacks, whether by friends, church folk, coworkers, haters or even strangers on the street.  We sometimes fight those outward attacks more because we can see them.  We can even get other people to join us in the outward fight.

But what about the inward attacks?  What happens when your own thoughts and actions towards your shortcomings or less appealing features beat you up?  That is when the enemy knows he can help you destroy yourself...or you can help him.   He tries that by taking the breath out of you.  When you lose the inward fight, that is an implosion. Sometimes we allow hurts or unrealistic expectations to build up in us to the point of breaking. We lose our breath and it does not seem like we will ever catch it again.  We allow what people think about us to affect how we think of ourselves.  We may even think that God agrees with our worst inward thoughts. 

FAILED IMPLOSION!

We have to know that we are a great people.  We have to know that we have been targeted to be destroyed but we are built strong!  We have an enemy that does not want us to be where we are, doing what we are doing and touching or reaching the lost. Since he can't get us from the outside, he is trying to make us self destruct.  But his plan again, has failed.  It has failed because he underestimated the strength of your roots, the fabric of your being, and the Maker of your soul.  He failed because of how you are built.

I want to encourage you to build yourself up!  Here are three ways to do it: 

1) The Holy Spirit   Jude 1:20 talks about 'building yourself up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit." Never forget the power of the Holy Spirit to build us up.  He is there to strengthen us in areas we may not know we need strength.   He is the 'breath of life' that keeps us from breaking down, He stops the implosion.  When the Holy Spirit prays, it is not mixed with our insecurities, He only prays what God has said, and what God's plans are.  We can't sabotage His prayers for us with self doubt!

2) The Body of Christ:  We must also remember the fellowship of believers.  There is nothing like being around people that encourage you and help you even when they don't have everything together. Take time during this season to encourage someone, but also allow them to encourage you. It seems like a small thing, but this is one way we strengthen each other.  It is not pride to need help, it is pride to think you don't. 

3) The Word of God:  They say the best defense is a great offence.  If you KNOW what God says and what He plans for you... You are less likely to feel that your actions discount you from His grace or mercy.  He can rebuild us in a moment, and cause what looked like failure to be a great victory!  He can work things that were meant for evil for our good and His glory.  Study and know the word of God about your life, know what the promises of God are.  Remember even though a thousand may fall at your right side.... it shall not come nigh thee.  Live like you know it!

KEEP  STANDING!

During this season many become heavily discouraged for various reasons.  As we approach a new year we may feel we have not accomplished all that we should, or we may feel that we have wasted time.  But don't forget that God has a great investment in you, He never gives up on His kids.   You can be no more valuable than the day He sent His son to die for you.  You are HIS investment.  NO matter how much you deem yourself as up for destruction, God still resides in you, working with you to will and do His good pleasure.  Yield your thoughts to His and allow Him to renovate your inner man.  God still wants to use you and He still dwells in you richly.  You have everything you need to stand because the greater one resides inside you...  SO STAND!

Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?  

1 Corinthians 3:16

When Wisdom Speaks- But You Don't Listen!

Have you ever had a  decision to make and everything in your mind looked right,  but you chose wrong?  I have.  It is almost funny to me sometimes that my business is 'Wisdom Speaks Today' because sometimes wisdom speaks, but I don't listen. 

I can't count the times that I have missed it or 'heard wrong'.  In one moment we can have more trouble than its worth because we think we know what we are doing, because it makes perfect sense at the time.  Years ago I asked God for wisdom.  I believe He answered that prayer and others that I have helped have told me the same.  God helps me help others by giving them a little wisdom from God's word, but when it comes to something that deals with me and only me- I can completely miss it.  Sounds like someone else I know...

KING SOLOMON

I remember well the story of Solomon.  (1 Kings 3) 

He was known as the wisest man in the world, born to David and his wife Bathsheba after they lost their previous son.  God loved Solomon so one day He appeared to him in a dream and told him to ask what he wanted and it would be given to him.  Humbly, Solomon asked for wisdom to judge the people.  He stated that he was a child, unlearned and  he was not sure how to judge God's great people. God was pleased with his humility and told him since he didn't ask for long life or wealth, He would give him what he asked for and all that he didn't.   As a young believer, I was intrigued with that story and believed that he  must have already had some wisdom even before being asked. 

Through his reign we hear about his wisdom, but the most popular story was the  account of two women with one dead baby, and one live one.  (1 Kings 3:16)  He made what was a difficult decision in a very unusual way, everyone knew then that his means of judging was different. God's wisdom was evident.   But then other things showed up in his life... like 300 wives and 500 side chicks.  It seemed like a good idea since he made alliances with various kings in the region and was able to avoid war. (although God already told him he would build, not fight.)  As a result the 'high places' were built, to accommodate the various religions of his wives.  This was a blemish to the relationship the children of Israel had with a jealous God.   So what seemed like a wise decision, backfired. 

I found that Solomon, the wisest man in the world had great wisdom to rule others, but not always wisdom to rule himself.  That is how I feel at times.  

YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH/GREATEST WEAKNESS

One thing I have learned over the years is that the area of your greatest strength can also be the area of your greatest weakness.  If we are not careful, we can get prideful in the things we do right, and it becomes a vulnerable place that the enemy can use against us.  This is not just true for those who walk in wisdom, but also those who are full of joy- they may battle depression more than you think because it becomes a challenge to keep the face of joy if it is not coming from God.  Those who may be great teachers may be challenged with accepting and walking in actual truth, our understanding can be tainted by our constant research and our own reasoning.  Some who may be worship leaders may be tempted to worship the gift instead of the Giver of the gifts.  Before you know it, God is not invited to our concerts or worship experiences.  Those who love order and structure may be out of order in how they enforce it.  It goes on, and on.  So what do we do?

YIELDING TO GOD

The best way to overcome the battle between your strength and weaknesses is to yield both to God.  Walking around like we are exempt from failure in the area we thrive in, is a breeding ground for defeat- because the bible says if we exalt ourselves we will be abased. But at the same time allowing our weaknesses to defeat us... is already a defeat.  We have to be diligent about going to God and asking Him daily about things we are 'good' at, while trusting His grace in the things we are not.  I was once in the daily habit of asking God for wisdom,  I am not sure when I stopped, but based on some decisions I made during that time, it had to become a habit and a constant prayer again.  I encourage you to be great at what you are great at, but yield it to God so He has the final say and gets the glory from your gift. Always yield your strengths and weaknesses to Him understanding that without Him, it is not a gift at all.   Allow His grace to govern your life in every area, not just the area that helps or blesses others. 

Walk in your strength knowing that the weak side of it is never far away. 

Faithful to a Fault!

"You have been faithful to a fault!" Those words hit me kinda hard.  My mind wandered for a moment and I recall thinking.. "I don't think that was meant as a compliment."  Trust me, it wasn't.  Selah.  

I am one of those people that you either like, or you don't. People who really know me, have a better chance.  On this occasion I was in a meeting with someone I thought knew me well -when they uttered those words to me.   The meeting itself was not a good one, but I didn't really expect it to get personal before it ended, since I was not the original topic. 

A PATTERN

This was not the first time I'd heard something like this.  I've heard it from loved ones who didn't understand why we paid child support every month -when the kids lived with us.  I heard it when things in my marriage got challenging.  I heard it when a woman I have tried to help for 16 years, showed up to talk again- to the dismay of many around me.  I heard it from a long time acquaintance who said I was an 'Enabler."  I didn't like that one... then a counselor told me the SAME THING!  Humph... I should have fired him!  Since this often came from people who didn't know me, it was easy to dismiss but since then I have heard it from people who do know me.

SELF EXAMINATION 

When something does not sit well with me, I no longer just dismiss it, I go to God. I need to see if I am part of the problems people around me are dealing with or if there is something I need to change.  I need to understand if I am an enabler-who is faithful to a fault and if so, I need Him to help me!  God does not always answer me quickly, sometimes He lets me think, cry, argue with myself, ask questions and when I stop thinking and be still in Him, He might answer.  This time He did.

He let me know, Yes... it is true.
I am an enabler, I am faithful to a fault- but to Him... it's not bad.

UNDERSTANDING 

Years ago I heard a man say:  "Every negative trait is a positive quality that is misused."  That means everything we do has a flip.  We can be judgmental or we can be a critical thinker.  We can be frivolous or we can be lighthearted.  We can be emotional or we can be impassioned.  Maturity helps us fix a natural trait that is not beneficial to those around us.  That is the basis of what God used to help me.

ENABLER: -a person or thing that makes something possible.

Enabling can be good, or bad, and it is not in the eyes of the beholder, it is in the eyes of God.  See,  I enable people to decide for themselves what they want to do and how, I will give counsel, but I don't DO it for them or disown them when they don't do something MY way.  I also will not be a constant reminder when they do it wrong.   I enable them to think for themselves, understanding I am not their Holy Spirit or their God.  I enable them to make mistakes without judging them or rubbing their nose in it.  I enable people to get help and go forward and live their lives without my constant interference.  As their lives begin to progress, I don't remind them that I helped them.  I let them live good, knowing that it was God who helped them.   Yes, I get it,  I am an enabler.

FAITHFUL: -loyal, staunch, steadfast... someone who is firm in their allegiance to someone or something.

I found that I really am faithful to a fault.  I will stay in places when God has not released me.  Whether it is a church, a relationship, a job, a friendship, or an event that I am totally bored at.  I will stay there, not necessarily because of the people, but because of God.  He may choose to keep me there for people, even when I don't see the benefit. 

I love my relationship with Him, I don't have to check with everyone else to do what He tells me to do.  I don't always agree with what He is doing or wants me to do, but my answer is 'Yes'.  Yes with tears in my eyes, Yes with no money in my pocket, Yes with critics watching my every move wondering why I don't just leave.  I really am FAITHFUL TO A FAULT!  I have stayed on jobs where I was threatened with termination because of others mistakes,  just to pray and see the supervisor removed and me get their place.  I am FAITHFUL TO A FAULT!  And God has been faithful to me in the midst of my fault...

I encourage you, be steadfast in your faith, learn to trust God in every situation.  Don't be moved by people's opinions as to why you don't do what they would do, you don't serve them. God is the only constant one in our life, who knows us and still works in us to do His good pleasure.   I know I am not the most obedient child in the world, but He is still working in me!  I thank the Lord for helping me to see the good in the midst of what was meant for bad.  I am and am still learning to be FAITHFUL TO A FAULT..... but only to God.... 

 Because I find NO Fault in Him! 

****** DISCLAIMER: Understand, if you are in a relationship, on a job or at a place that God has told you to go, but you are scared, worried about people or just disobedient, that is not what I am talking about.  There are times God tells you to move and disobedience is not faithfulness; it is not good to dismiss God's voice over people's.  But if God has told you to stay put, faithfulness is seen in your obedience to Him, not to your circumstances.

#MeToo Surviving Sexual Assault #5 "Guilty Until Proven Guilty"

Today I want to take a different and final approach to the topic of Sexual Assault.  I believe I am a fair person, so I often will look at things from differing views, this is one of them.

I remember well the young girl who accused him of assaulting her.  She cried and was really broken behind his actions.  Her mother did what was expected of her, she reported the crime, got counseling for her daughter and began to watch everyone around her children.  

The news of his horrible crime spread quickly.  People on his job were shocked, family members were ashamed, his neighbors talked about how 'he seemed to be so nice, but you never know who lives next to you'.  He lost his job, lost his family and had a record... until they found it was all a lie.

Once it was revealed that he was indeed NOT a sexual predator, everyone sighed in relief, some loosened the grip on their children and went back to their normal lives.  But not everyone had that opportunity...  His reputation was marred for life, his wife had already left, his children were embarrassed and talked about at school; (along with prodding by officials about their relationship with their father),  his job replaced him and people stared at him with uncertain recognition.  He  and his family would forever be changed, regardless to her story change.

INNOCENT UNTIL ...

I have sat on a jury or two and I know that our laws state that people are innocent until proven guilty.

In other words, the prosecution must prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, each essential element of the crime charged. 

This is something we say we uphold, but do we?  When we are able to get news in real-time and everything LOOKS like we think it looks, in our minds... guilt is already determined.  One thing we have to be careful of is false accusations.  A child can be asked so many times by a parent IF someone has ever touched them, that they think they are answering wrong and they finally say yes.  

Proving Sexual Assault is not a small thing, it is important to get facts right, to report it, to assist victims, but also to ensure that a crime has actually been committed before ruining someone's reputation.  Today we see so much  going on... one day it's business as usual,  the next day you have lost endorsements, job opportunities and credibility in the minds of people who once loved you.  If we are not careful, we can go against one of the most sacred principles in the American Justice System-  You are innocent until proven guilty. 

Understand, I am not taking up for all those people who are rightfully accused, tried and convicted but I am just wondering where the "Proof Beyond a Reasonable Doubt" is.  This is one reason why we have to begin to report things as they happen, it's much harder to get people to recall something that happened 40 years ago especially when some of the witnesses are dead and gone. We do ourselves, the system and other potential victims a disservice when we wait, when we say nothing.  Say something now while the evidence is there.

ANOTHER THOUGHT

This is my final thought on this topic.  Being wrongfully accused is not new, especially to groups of people who have lived with this for years.   Without trying to go into it too far, we have to admit that many people have had to fight the thought of guilt just because of where they are from, their religion, their race and other things that make them  'LOOK guilty'.  The feeling that you can be shot at because you looked like you were doing something wrong, or you were outside after dark and looked like you were up to something, or in a neighborhood where you didn't 'belong'.   Then there are the false witnesses who swear it was you, or looked like you, or had your same body build or same race.  Some people have sworn that the person they saw was the person in custody, then they recant after the person has served time for a crime they did not commit. 

This false sense of being innocent until proven guilty is now being felt by a new group of people that has never had to deal with it this way before. Their status and power has caused people to put up with and joke about behavior that is nothing but criminal.  Fear of retribution has caused victims to suffer silently, until now.  It has become popular to call out accusers openly, and other possible victims are jumping on the bandwagon of strength in numbers. 

Innocence or guilt is not even being talked about.  Granted, many of them may well be guilty according to their own words, but whether they are or not, they are losing stuff quickly.  It is hitting them beyond just their reputation, it is hitting where it hurts them most...their pocket books, their portfolios and possibly their freedom.  

Think of all the people who jump on the bandwagon... so many faces next to the original accuser, much like witnesses who swear to guilt.  It may or may not be true, but today we are watching what entire groups of people have complained about for years.  Injustice in the Justice system.  A system that does not give you due process, where there is an assumption that you are guilty and whether you are or not, you have to live with the consequences of the accusations of others.

I know there are men and women cringing in their seats today if they know they have made any sexual advances that were not wanted.  To think you can look on the television any day and see someone you violated- accusing you. Know in this current environment, you may not have the opportunity to prove your innocence before people assume you are guilty.  

The Tables Have Turned.  

Victims of sexual assault have had to live with fear and flashbacks and now their accusers do too.  It sure pays to treat people right.

#MeToo Battling Sexual Assault #4 "My Best Life!"

THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

I remember a story I heard years ago about a father who's child was hurting.  The child had a horrible ear infection and it was not only causing excruciating pain, it was also causing their equilibrium to be off.  This loving father took their child to the doctor and part of the treatment included them inserting something in the ear to clean it.  A mirror lined the far wall where they laid the child.  Because they expected the child to resist, he was asked to hold his child down while they did the procedure. His heart was hurting as he heard the first scream, tears welled up in his eyes as he continued to hold the child down.  At a certain point, the father looked up and his eyes fell on his child's reflection in the mirror, he was so consumed by the screams that he didn't know his child was looking at him.  The mirror reflected the agonizing pain in the face of his  child.  He continued to hold his child down even though it was as if the child's eyes were begging for help, wondering "why won't you stop them?"

THE TURMOIL

I learned early about the drain that emotional turmoil brings, it is very real. We can't minimize the feelings of hopelessness, depression or despair because they are very real.  There are even other emotions that make no sense to someone on the outside, like a woman who found her daughter was being molested by her step father and she did what any good mother would do, she reported it.  What she didn't realize is that after he was taken away from her, she would no longer be able to look her daughter in the eyes, because somehow she became 'the other woman', the one that made her lose her man. That family took another hit when the mother sent her child to another place to be raised, just so she could have peace.  Imagine what that did to the little girl. Most of us can't understand that, but it is a reality to many.  So understanding that you are not weird because you are reminded of things in ways that bring bondage.  That is the enemy's plan, to bind you. 

DRYING YOUR TEARS

I try to be very careful about how I handle the great people of God.  I don't intend to minimize anyone's hurt or struggle.  Typically when people come to me for help, they are tired of crying.  Nothing wrong with crying and getting in touch with your pain, but I really can't do that too long.  I have too much to do, and it starts to wear on me in a different way. So part of my purpose is to help people see God in the midst of whatever is going on.  I am not much help to those who want to talk a lot about the pain, relive the pain or for some... waddle in it.  I know my area of strength and it is to help you dry your tears.  I understand not everyone receives from me, and that is okay; God has plenty help in His body of believers for all of us. 

One thing about sexual assault is the fact that the residue of it is supposed to follow you every day for the rest of your life.  You are not supposed to enjoy a intimate relationship with yourself, with God or with others. The enemy will see to it that you have reminders that don't allow you to go forward and enjoy your best life.  You have to know when your tears have fallen too much, and it is time to dry them.

STEPS TO YOUR BEST LIFE 

We won't have time or space to walk you through every step to wholeness, but I will give you a few things to help you begin.   Some may have to see a counselor  to work through some deeper issues, but others can simply work through these steps.  

First thing we all know... we have to learn to FORGIVE.  We have all heard it, avoided it but it will always come back.  Yes we have heard forgiveness is for you, not the offender.  That is true, but we have to know that forgiving gives you access to God's grace and power that comes through simple obedience to Him.  When we ask God to help us forgive and do that from a real place, He draws near to us to empower us to do His will. Grace comes, favor comes, power comes from God to a heart that is yielded to His word.  Forgiving does not mean not reporting it, it does not mean you have to prove it by being in that person's company, it simply means "I release you from my list of people to get back at, and I leave you in God's hands- while trusting that God will bring you into a relationship with Himself."  Part of forgiving is praying for God to work in their life, not on our behalf, but on His.

Another step is to READ THE WORD.  Find out what God really thinks about you.  I highly recommend a book entitled "Victory Over Darkness" by Neil T Anderson. This book will challenge you to know and understand who you are and help you walk in it. He has a second book "Bondage Breaker" that is also powerful.  I read through both of them in my early 20's. 

The last thing I will mention here is to DISCOVER AND WALK IN YOUR PURPOSE. We often underestimate the power of purpose.  It keeps you in line, it keeps you living, it keeps you growing in grace. It helps keep your mind focused.  Walking in what you are called to do is powerful.  Every experience you have been through helps with your purpose.  Not because God chose the evil people have done to help prepare you, but because He always works ALL things together for your good and His glory.  It works together for you by faith and by default. 

YOUR BEST LIFE 

The decisions you make and the things you put in place to have a better life has to be stronger than a counseling session, more permanent than a hashtag. You have to really believe what God has said about you.  Not quote it, rally around it, but really KNOW and walk in it.  This brings overcoming power in your life, power to overcome the flashbacks, bitterness and unforgiveness.

Don't allow anyone who victimized you to win. Don't allow the devil who motivated them to win. You have a life in front of you, and when you realize you have cried your last tear, you can push forward and find out exactly what opportunities  are out there to find wholeness, enjoy your today and help someone tomorrow.  Your Daddy God is in the fight with you, He sees your reflection in the mirror of life's situations and He knows that you are hurting. But more than anything else, He knows that the process is good for you, once the mess of what has happened to you is cleaned out, you are going to come out alright.  You will regain your equilibrium and walk in victory! 

When the tears for your situation cease you are ready!  When the tears you now cry are for people who are on the journey you have finished, that is when you know you are at another place.  That is when what you went through is now used to strengthen others.

Your best life also comes when you know it is yours. It comes when you prepare for it by putting the good stuff in place of the bad.  It comes when you choose to see where you are going instead of where you have been. It comes when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt  that all that the enemy has intended for evil in your life is destined to work for you good!   

Dry your tears, and be glad, God will turn your mourning into dancing! Neither the enemy nor your offender has enough power to stop you now.
So go forward, and Live your Best Life!

#MeToo- Battling Sexual Assault: "Somebody's Gonna Pay!" #3

In our nation today, we have a lot going on when it comes to sexual assault. Every week it seems, we hear about another encounter that happened years ago  that has been brought to light.   

Scary.... at least for those who have been abusers.  It seems a huge cover has been pulled off, and anyone under the blanket of sexual misconduct, is running for a new cover.  I can't imagine how it feels to know that if your victim is still alive, they can simply sit at their computer and out you. Scary.... 

One thing that seems evident is that people are not timid anymore about making you pay for your actions.  The climate is such that they know they can be heard and believed.  Sometimes within 24 hours, decisions have been made: jobs as risk, opportunities dropped, endorsements removed and money lost.   What a  price to pay  for something that is supposed to be natural turned wrong, turned perverted.   If you are someone who enjoys the chatter and sexual banter at work or in other areas outside a committed relationship, you may want to consider your future and make decisions past the moment.  Take note, because in this climate.... Somebody's gonna pay. 

SOMEBODY'S GONNA PAY!

I think one reason why it is so much easier to bring someone's wrong to light is because people are tired.  Tired of carrying it every day, tired of the powerful getting away with things that are supposed to be unacceptable.  You might think the victims are exaggerating, or jumping on a band wagon, or perhaps they are just an angry group of people trying to get back at someone years after the hurt ... and you may be right.  But don't forget WHY.

Aside from the abuser paying later,  many others who were victims have had to pay the price of Sexual Assault since day one.  See there is a hidden cost that is no longer acceptable to put at the end of a bad experience in small print.  People are realizing  the price they have paid in silence. Not BECAUSE of their silence, just in the midst of their silence.  Many a marriage has ended, family relationships severed, opportunities for love lost; not to mention the mental anguish or sleepless nights. The years of feeling something is wrong with you and believing it- without any proof.  Some of the price that has been paid is purpose that was not realized or fulfilled because something in the back of your mind says "Not You".   If you are someone who has suffered in your life due to memories that you can't shake, I want to encourage you to push for healing, push for peace.  It's not easy, but why would you choose to pay for someone else's actions? Even if you have no intention of 'outing' the abuser, or perhaps they are dead and gone... you have a right to own your life and live without paying for their wrong.

CARRY YOUR OWN REP

I have talked about this before and I'm really funny about some things.  I don't like allowing others to carry my reputation. As one of many Christians, we can't help it, we are stuck with the reputation of what someone who 'call' themselves a Christian does.  In the name of Christianity, people choose to hate, to ridicule, judge and treat unbelievers in ungodly ways.  I am stuck with that reputation until people see a difference in me.   Daily I pray I can carry the reputation of Jesus Christ in a positive way. 

Some believe sexual assault can leave you jumpy, distrusting anyone, unable to connect emotionally with someone else, angry and vengeful.  As a survivor of sexual assault, you have to make your own rep.  You don't have to allow the same narrative to be true in your life.  You can live, love and enjoy your relationships. I know that depending on the type of assault, the person and how close they are to you daily, it can be difficult... but carry your own rep.  Be the kind person you are made to be, be the giving, and loving person you are capable of being.  There is no reason to be vindictive, angry, suspicious or sad, that is a reputation that you do not have to own.  

ENCOURAGEMENT FOR YOU

We may not be able to change what was done to us, but we become more than conquerors when we can change the affect of it on our life.  That is the victory that no one can take from you, the fact that what was meant for evil, didn't work.  Own your life, live your life, make it good and remember...

"The best revenge is living good."

#MeToo- Battling Sexual Assault: The Lies #2

Liars are interesting people.  I'm not referring to the people who tell an occasional lie about whether or not that outfit looks good on you, or the exaggerations in retelling a story; I mean those who are PROFESSIONAL LIARS, the ones who don't even realize they are doing it.  See a good liar believes their own lie, they are so convincing that even when you know the truth, they can get you to question if you misunderstood them.  They are so good at juggling truth and fiction that they can answer a test question thrown at them quickly, without blinking, thinking or breaking a sweat... a real liar is that good.

When dealing with sexual assault, you would be surprised at the lies we believe, and most don’t come from the perpetrator. 

THE LIES WE BELIEVE

Everyone understands the lie of victim blaming.  We have heard and seen it portrayed in real life so we kind of get the fact that the person who is in the wrong, may try to push the blame on the victim.  Whether it is the normal things said, or the way you made them feel, or even if you didn’t really say “NO”.  These are the normal lies, we know them, we have seen them, we try to overcome them.  But there is a whole different type of lie I want to deal with today. If you have ever been a victim of sexual assault/molestation, you will know what I am talking about.  

The biggest lies we believe are the ones we tell ourselves. 

After growing past the initial incident of sexual assault, I kind of went on with life as I knew it.   I didn't realize the baggage I was carrying mainly because no one was available to tell me.  (see previous blog #1 "Battling Sexual Assault"...Tell Someone")   
As a kid in school, I had issues where boys were not really attracted to me, so I just made them friends.   I managed to make it through High School without any 'consensual encounters', and I was glad about that, but it still bothered me, because it looked like the narrative in my head.  As a young adult, that feeling didn't change but  it turned into "Something is wrong with me, and I can't have children."  Understand NOBODY told me that, I hadn't visited a doctor, hadn't read any articles nor had I received any insight concerning the matter.  Since I was not sexually active in High School, I didn’t have anything that could make me think that it was true.  So  what did I do?  I did test runs... unprotected sex with different men in my early 20's. I even told some of them that I couldn't have kids, I believed the lie that bad.  I was not thinking about how many unmarried mothers were out there.  I didn't care, about that, the lie in my head had me making decisions that were not safe, not wise and it wasn't until AIDS came around that I thought about my actions and changed. (Thank you Jesus for GRACE and MERCY)   

Not being able to have children was simply a lie I told myself, and I believed it. It wasn’t until I was married and expecting my first child that I realized it was not true.

MORE LIES

Over the years I have heard stories from men and women alike and they too  believed lies. A woman that believed that her body was to be available for all men, she thought that was being biblically submissive. Not realizing the bible never said for women to submit to men- just to their 'own husband.'  Another who was so hurt by a man that she decided no man would ever touch her again, now she craves the arms of another woman.  Other lies included a man who continually denied any negative affect from being molested by babysitters, because it felt good.  He now feels that his current state of promiscuity is a blessing because of all the women he has been with.  The sad thing is that he is unaware of what they stole from him, and since he has never seen it, he no longer looks for it.  One of the biggest lies is thinking that you will never enjoy a full ,whole relationship. That lie will make you settle for things less satisfying  and cause you to Live and Love in mediocrity. 

How long will you allow the enemy to talk to you?  How long will you believe the lie in your head? I don’t know what your lie is, but I had plenty. Things that made me feel like something was wrong, that I was undesirable or that my body was unable to operate in God’s original design.  The funny thing about lies is that they are made up of words... and you can form your world with them. 

HEALING FROM LIES

As a young Christian, I had the privilege of being connected to really good churches, and strong believers.  That allowed me early on to understand who God said I was, and who He created me to be.  I understood I was not to blame for what happened to me, I grew to no longer be a victim, but a victor!  I learned to recognize when those old lies were trying to show their face again.  You have to stay on top of who you are, because the devil is sneaky.  He will jump in the middle of an interview, a conversation with a coworker, an argument with your loved ones or while enjoying a movie on a peaceful day. Stay diligent in understanding your great worth in Christ.  

---

The greatest lesson I learned was that I am made in God's image and likeness, so I can frame my world with my words.  I choose to replace any lie with the truth of God's word.  I choose daily to believe it, to confess it and to walk in the truth.  The best way to defeat the lies you have told yourself, is to hear the truth that God says about you! Don’t allow the lies of the enemy to govern your life because they are really his lies, not yours, don’t accept them. The devil is one of those 'good liars', but remember... he is still a LIAR, don't believe him.  You deserve to enjoy your life, to live free from any and every bondage, because Christ has set you free. Be free!

#MeToo- Battling Sexual Assault- #1

It is the thing some families avoid talking about.  Why?  Because they know it happened, and nothing was done. 

It is the thing companies try to act like they don't know.  Why? Because those in power have power to make you pay.

It is the thing that some people who have been through it, refuse to talk about. Why?  The SHAME that it involves.

SEXUAL ASSAULT

This act holds so much power because it hits so many emotional levels.  All the way from shame to satisfaction... depending on which end of it you are on.  Many who have not experienced it will often victim blame.  It is easy to make someone feel as though your attire or friendly nature had something to do with it; or maybe you were in a place you should not have been.  Those are the very thoughts that make people buy into blaming themselves for a crime committed against them.  No one wants to stand before a judge with an attorney who is paid to defend the person who hurt them, and have to answer hard questions.   What questions will they ask?  What accusations will come up?  What if I really do have a sorted past?  Then what....  Not worth it.

MY STORY

In these next few blogs, I want to share a few things I have learned about effects of Sexual Assault from my experiences and those of people I have counseled over the years.  Everyone may not have the same issues, some may be experiencing much worst, some may be doing better. Every act hits us differently, if these simple blogs and thoughts can help anyone, it is worth sharing.

 

I can talk openly about this because as a child, I was violated... in my own house, taken from my own bed with my siblings sleeping and my mother in another room nearby.  The man who took me accompanied her friend, and was sleeping in the guest room.  I can talk about this now because she is no longer with us and the perpetrator has been deceased for years.  You may wonder why I would wait this long to say anything.  You may wonder why I didn't run and talk to my mother when she was alive, after all she was a police officer!  She owned a loaded gun! She could have held him until her coworkers showed up, or better yet..... didn't I say she had a gun?... anyway. 

 

Aside from not wanting to give her anything to be upset about.. I honestly didn't realize at my young age that it was wrong.  I knew SOMETHING was wrong, but I didn't connect it as being a crime until much later.  Remember, we didn't talk about sexual assault on TV, there was no 'Stranger Danger" taught in schools.  It wasn't until someone that I spoke to told me "If you don't do this... I will tell your mom what you let that man do to you." ..That was when it dawned on me, something was VERY wrong.  By then, I thought it was my fault and at that point, I told no one else.  So, I lived until she passed away with her not knowing about the encounter in the guest room of our home. 

 

I don't blame my mother for what happened to me, nor do I wonder why she didn't know.  She didn't know because I didn't tell. 

THE TAKEAWAY

 The first thing I would encourage you to do, is to TELL SOMEONE.  Don't go years holding something that you know is hurting you.  Years of trying to understand why you have difficulty connecting with people of the opposite sex, or why you connect WAY too well.  Especially for the men, sexual assault is not limited to women, though we may talk about it more.  For men the embarrassment can be too much to say anything, especially if somehow your body told you that you enjoyed it.  That alone can make you discount yourself from being a 'victim'.  But if anyone does anything to anybody without their consent, understand, it is still wrong.

 

You may have to go outside your family or workplace to find someone to talk to.  The dynamics of family is weird, there are already so many issues and strains on relationships that the response may not be what you expect.  In a workplace, there may not be channels open to report things, some of those channels may be clogged by people who do not want the company name tainted.  Either way, you have to do what is best for you.  Your concern is- your health and wholeness which is more important than worrying about what people think.  If you have been Sexually Assaulted in any way, you have the right to tell someone.  TELL SOMEONE.

 

#metoo

Multitasking After Harvey: Fight/Rebuild

Hurricane Harvey is gone. 

He left behind devastation and way too much water.  Lives have been lost and altered completely.  We will never be the same.

 

I was thinking of the toil this storm has taken on those around me.  The uprooting from homes, the loss of property, wages and friends. Some schools are completely destroyed and now rivals will have to do class together.  Due to roads still underwater, alternative routes to and from work has made the commute longer than most have ever seen.  Many were caught off guard with no flood insurance, they were told they didn't need it in their area. Harvey proved them wrong... Yes, Harvey was brutal, but we are resilient.

 

Houston is in the midst of rebuilding.  I love the way no one waits to finish crying before picking up a mop, bucket or begins tearing out sheetrock.  For people who deal with grief, this is not all bad, it just means that some may wait later for grief to hit them.  Others cried till their strength was gone, then they dried their eyes, picked up the bucket and joined the friends that came to help.  There is never a thought of whether or not rebuilding is going to happen, it is.

MULTITASKING

I want to take a moment to encourage those who are in the midst of rebuilding.  You will have great opportunity to be overwhelmed by the size of the job.  You will sometimes have to stop just to catch your breath or reevaluate your actions, but keep going.  This is one time that we have to know how to multitask...how to do one job while also giving great  attention to another.  This will be seen in how you stay connected with your family, while also calling for assistance, cleaning up and tearing down,  following up on claims, hiring contractors and taking care of YOU.  You can do this, even if you may not be good at multitasking at work.  If you are like me, I have a bit of tunnel vision.  I will see a goal and focus on it- nothing else matters.. But I have learned to notice and deal with other things that come into my peripheral while focusing on the vision.  We were told F.O.C.U.S. is Following One Course Until Successful.  Your one course will be rebuilding! 

 

REBUILDING/ FIGHTING

Nehemiah was a man distraught due to the destruction of the walls in Jerusalem. The walls had been torn down and burnt.  His desire to rebuild kept him up at night-until he made a decision. It was important enough to him to do something about it so he did.  You can read the book of Nehemiah to find out all the details of his journey, but I just want to pull a few things for us to consider:

 

1. Have the passion to rebuild!  We are talking about your property, your family, your life your opportunity to make things better than they were; stronger than they were.  What you had was good, you would never have disrupted it, especially like this.  But we are here now... take advantage of this opportunity to rebuild.

 

2. Take advantage of what is available!  Yes there is a process that is not fun.  They are called FEMA, RED CROSS, MORTGAGE COMPANIES...ect..  You have a right to go to them with your needs in mind. Nehemiah reminded them that he was a cup bearer for the king. He served well, he did his job and took care of business before the breach in the walls.  You have paid your dues, your taxes and you have a right to benefit from what is made available to you.  Pride is not attractive, especially when help is needed.

 

3. Work with your army!  This is not a loner job.  This is the time to work with others and also the time to mend relationships.  There is nothing like a tragedy that can help us put some petty things behind us for good.  Pull your army together and allow everyone to help based on their skill set.  Whatever they can do, allow them to.  They may not be able to carry or pull , but they may watch the kids.  Every one has a talent that is important and can help with rebuilding. Be sure you build your army with good people who will lift you up when you are feeling weary, we all need (in doses) that one person that seems to be an eternal optimist.

 

4.  Stay positive!  Nehemiah had real enemies that wanted to stop the work, they tried, but the bible said that God frustrated their plans.  Don't be the one getting frustrated, leave that for the ones that are trying to benefit at your expense.  God will frustrate them for you, stay focused, stay positive and build your army as they work.  Be sure to thank your army and allow them to be a blessing that they want to be for you.  It's okay, life always allows us to help each other, right now you are in need- one day it may be them.

 

5.  Finally, Build and Fight!  Your main focus is rebuilding, but you will have to fight at the same time.  Fight the temptation to give up, get angry, the temptation to allow emotions to scatter your army or even the temptation to not follow through all the way.  Your greatest multitasking will be fighting for your peace, rebuilding your life and ensuring that both are well.  Remember to take time for you and your family, do simple things that don't require the mop and bucket, we all need a break to encourage ourselves. Enjoy what each day brings, laughter and down time. You can do this! 

Nehemiah 4:16-18

From that day on, half of my men did the work, while the other half were equipped with spears, shields, bows and armor. The officers posted themselves behind all the people of Judah who were building the wall. Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other, and each of the builders wore his sword at his side as he worked

In closing, know that you are made for this.  You may be hurt, angry or grieving, but you are going to be okay.  There is nothing that you deal with that you cannot make it through.  Trust me, we think we are weak, but God said in the midst of our weakness, He is strong for us.  Lean on His grace and favor when you feel you are losing strength.  Remember to pray for all those who are also rebuilding their lives like you are.  You better than anyone else knows the drama and discouragements that lurk around every corner. 

 

For those not heavily affected by the storm, we are not bystanders or spectators, we are part of the great  resources God has made available to bless others!  So let's do this thing, let's fight, rebuild and be a blessing!