It is the thing some families avoid talking about. Why? Because they know it happened, and nothing was done.
It is the thing companies try to act like they don't know. Why? Because those in power have power to make you pay.
It is the thing that some people who have been through it, refuse to talk about. Why? The SHAME that it involves.
SEXUAL ASSAULT
This act holds so much power because it hits so many emotional levels. All the way from shame to satisfaction... depending on which end of it you are on. Many who have not experienced it will often victim blame. It is easy to make someone feel as though your attire or friendly nature had something to do with it; or maybe you were in a place you should not have been. Those are the very thoughts that make people buy into blaming themselves for a crime committed against them. No one wants to stand before a judge with an attorney who is paid to defend the person who hurt them, and have to answer hard questions. What questions will they ask? What accusations will come up? What if I really do have a sorted past? Then what.... Not worth it.
MY STORY
In these next few blogs, I want to share a few things I have learned about effects of Sexual Assault from my experiences and those of people I have counseled over the years. Everyone may not have the same issues, some may be experiencing much worst, some may be doing better. Every act hits us differently, if these simple blogs and thoughts can help anyone, it is worth sharing.
I can talk openly about this because as a child, I was violated... in my own house, taken from my own bed with my siblings sleeping and my mother in another room nearby. The man who took me accompanied her friend, and was sleeping in the guest room. I can talk about this now because she is no longer with us and the perpetrator has been deceased for years. You may wonder why I would wait this long to say anything. You may wonder why I didn't run and talk to my mother when she was alive, after all she was a police officer! She owned a loaded gun! She could have held him until her coworkers showed up, or better yet..... didn't I say she had a gun?... anyway.
Aside from not wanting to give her anything to be upset about.. I honestly didn't realize at my young age that it was wrong. I knew SOMETHING was wrong, but I didn't connect it as being a crime until much later. Remember, we didn't talk about sexual assault on TV, there was no 'Stranger Danger" taught in schools. It wasn't until someone that I spoke to told me "If you don't do this... I will tell your mom what you let that man do to you." ..That was when it dawned on me, something was VERY wrong. By then, I thought it was my fault and at that point, I told no one else. So, I lived until she passed away with her not knowing about the encounter in the guest room of our home.
I don't blame my mother for what happened to me, nor do I wonder why she didn't know. She didn't know because I didn't tell.
THE TAKEAWAY
The first thing I would encourage you to do, is to TELL SOMEONE. Don't go years holding something that you know is hurting you. Years of trying to understand why you have difficulty connecting with people of the opposite sex, or why you connect WAY too well. Especially for the men, sexual assault is not limited to women, though we may talk about it more. For men the embarrassment can be too much to say anything, especially if somehow your body told you that you enjoyed it. That alone can make you discount yourself from being a 'victim'. But if anyone does anything to anybody without their consent, understand, it is still wrong.
You may have to go outside your family or workplace to find someone to talk to. The dynamics of family is weird, there are already so many issues and strains on relationships that the response may not be what you expect. In a workplace, there may not be channels open to report things, some of those channels may be clogged by people who do not want the company name tainted. Either way, you have to do what is best for you. Your concern is- your health and wholeness which is more important than worrying about what people think. If you have been Sexually Assaulted in any way, you have the right to tell someone. TELL SOMEONE.
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