You're Not the Boss of Me!

"You're not the boss of me!"  I have heard those words often while working with children.  It was popular at one time to remind others that they don't have any authority or rule over you; that their words were falling on deaf ears.  I have even used that phrase on occasion with my kids, mainly when they need yet another errand or ride somewhere.  We may remind others that they are not the boss of us, but someone is...  Who? 

BOSS: a person in charge of a worker or organization

...To give orders in a domineering manner: to dictate, to lord over

WHO'S THE BOSS OF YOU?

For a period of time, my mother was single and raising 5 kids.  During that time, we were never on drugs, never abused alcohol, none of us had ever gone to jail or prison (that I know of) and we all finished school. As a direct result of that up bringing, we are all now hard working and productive citizens today.  When someone asks me how she did it, I tell them about her occupation as a deputy sheriff in El Paso, Texas.  I don't think getting in trouble was tempting to us because we were very much aware of who would be at the county jail awaiting us.  We were not really scared of the others, it was just her.  MOM WAS THE BOSS.

OTHER BOSSES

In life we don't  think of bosses outside our occupation, but if we think for a moment, we allow people and things to dictate what we will or will not do every day.  Those things, or those people become a kind of "boss of us."

 

One day I was stopped for speeding on  a road I ride down every day.  I disagreed with the officer about how fast I was driving, and he let me off.  Later I realized I was probably doing what he said and more.  Well, I'm one of the folks that is willing to admit wrong, so I searched for him for a few months to apologize and found him.  Now, literally every day I go down that road, I remember him and slow down.   For me, he became....BOSS.

A friend of mine has mentors that help him with his life and finances.  They can tell him to do something and he does it.  It might seem harmless because he sees the benefit of their input, but either way, he has allowed them to dictate his actions.  He is doing well because of their help and there is nothing wrong with having it; but for him, they are BOSS.

Sometimes our bosses are not people.  We may have addictions, or habits that have become decision makers in how we spend our time, our money or they decide the outcome of our life.    Anything we allow to control us and how we live, whether it be television, pornography, sex, or even the pursuit of money can turn into a BOSS.  If it has the power to make us decide and the power to change our decisions, if it changes our mood or increases our ability to handle stuff; anything that affects your life- with or without your permission can be a BOSS.

THE BOSS

The bible says we cannot serve  two masters, because we will hold to one and despise the other. 

 

Let's be honest, we have many bosses.  Which one do you gravitate towards?  If we have given our lives to God, why do we respect our parents, or police officers or our appetites more than we do Him?  There are many things God is trying to work in us, ways that He is trying to regulate, but we have not really made Him boss.  Maybe we have grown to despise God because we are really serving ourselves.   We are subject to lean towards what we want in life, not what He has planned.  If only we'd realize-  God always has good plans for us.  If we let Him be THE BOSS;  He will not just meet needs, but He will ensure we fulfill our purpose and that life is good!

 

Sometimes we allow for certain bosses because of the potential fall out in refusing them.  We know the wrath of mom, or the police of even of our body when it comes to appetites that we have fed for so long.  We know the fall out, but I would rather have an immediate fall out than an eternal one.  Trying to avoid a fall out with people should not be what determines our BOSS. 

 

 

 

 

LOVE is a great incentive to choose God.  It  lasts through good times and bad and just knowing we love Him that much, should give Him  rule in our lives.  Knowing that He has good thoughts towards us and that we can trust Him is paramount.  If we learn to appreciate Him and learn about His ways, we will realize that there is no better one's hands to place our lives.   I am subject to go wayward and I need a good boss that sees everything, knows me - good and bad, and is committed to being there with me no matter what. 

 

I appreciate  those that God has allowed to watch over me, to correct me and to help me; but my life is in His hands, I depend on God's grace and His directions to help me be successful.  He can use whoever He wants to bring me to His feet and to help me walk in His ways, but really they are not the boss  in my life.  God and God alone is worthy to be the TRUE BOSS OF ME! 

Flying The UnFriendly Skies!

I remember the first time I flew on a plane.  I believe it was from El Paso, Texas to Frankfort, Germany.  Quite a long distance for a first flight. I don't recall much since that was in the early 70's and I was a lot younger.  I do know that my 4 siblings and I behaved.  (mainly because we traveled with our mom.)  When I first traveled, the flight attendants dressed nice, they were pleasant, easy speaking  and accommodating.  The passengers wore their Sunday's best and everyone seemed engaged, calm yet excited.    Since that time, I realize either that was only in the eyes of a child, or something has changed.  Now when I travel, I can see nervousness, irritation, anxiety, sadness and disengagement due to personal electronics.  Another thing that has changed is the clothing.  It used to be a privilege to travel, we actually dressed up for it, but now you might see a passenger in actual pajamas or gym shorts and sandals with no evidence of usage of a comb or brush. Things have changed a lot from the times we  were invited to "Fly the Friendly Skies."

 

THE UNFRIENDLY SKIES

We have seen it.  Customers pulled off flights, others fighting each other, children being removed from flights, flight attendants spoken to or speaking badly. I'm not sure what exactly has happened, but our skies are not so friendly now.  I don't  fly often, but I don't recall things ever being this bad.  Not only are the passengers stressing, apparently the staff is too.  We have become distrustful, disrespectful, angry, defensive, scared and just plain mean.  Many passengers and crew can't seem to get on a flight without something to soothe their minds and calm their emotion.  Sure, some may have always needed help, but it seems like things have escalated.  We fight over seats, giving them up, we fight over arm rests, restroom times, luggage placement, and even things that can't be controlled -like bad weather.  But when we really look at what is happening, the skies are not what has become unfriendly, we have.

 Proverbs 18:24

A man that hath friends must show himself friendly:

UNFRIENDLY PEOPLE

This world has so many 'unfriendly' people in it today.  I realize that scripture says to have friends, we should be friendly.  I know when flying or in the grocery store we may not be looking for a friend at that time, but there is a law of sowing and reaping.  Even though the person in front of you may not be someone you are trying to befriend, we are still sowing, and subject to reap.  Everything we do connects us for better or worse with others mailny because it says something about us.  How we treat people speaks to something inside US, not them.

 

Unfriendliness is not limited to the airline industry.  In fact it is not limited to any industry.  People by far at more insensitive, more suspicious and hard on others than ever before.  Just this week, right after the bombing in Manchester, a reporter made a crude joke about  the artist and her concerts.  Something about almost dying at her concert, right after talking about how many had actually died in the bombing.  Another's account had harsh things to say about the concert goers, as if their being in attendance was why some were injured, and others died. It is so troubling to me that we can joke about life without regards to the fact that these are real people- lives.  What makes us think the worst about people, especially when they are already hurting?  I always wonder what the comments would be if it was their family member laying in the street.  Whenever we decide to treat other's like we want to be treated, our skies, our schools and our homes will be much more friendly.

DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT!?

 

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.       Colossians 4:6

Probably much like the people I am talking about, there are times that I find myself wanting to comment on a topic that sounds dumb to me- but 9 times out of 10, I will refrain.  (often after I have typed up my thoughts, then stop to reread them)  That's when I will tell myself,  "NO... you don't need to comment on this, you are adding no value to the conversation, no solution to a problem and nothing you are saying points anyone to God." Sometimes it can be hard to not say something, but if I really want to follow God and help people, I shouldn't say just anything.  I would encourage you, as you hear things that are going on, choose your words wisely.  Some things we can never take back, and the hurt we can cause goes much further than we think. It can affect your reputation as a believer, as an employee and even as a human being. So though our skies may seem unfriendly, understand this, as in all other things, are the people problem, I choices in how we respond is the issue.  Until we connect well with God and care enough to connect with each other, until we think about what we do and what we say... we are all subject to being downright... unfriendly.

 

 

 

If I Marry You, I'm Gonna Change You!

After years of counseling couples we have all heard it before:  "Don't marry someone with the intent to change them."  That is the golden rule of relationships, right after "You have to communicate."  So why would anyone be so bold as to tell their future spouse, that if they married them, they WILL change them?  Well before dealing with my unorthodox and unpopular comment, let's talk about all the reasons why it is a bad idea.  (Maybe after this, I'll change my mind)

A TIME FOR CHANGE!

Most of the time when a young couple begins dating, things are okay, even good.  It is not until more time is spent together, that they see the things that might be less attractive.  Most of those things are not physical, since by now they've decided whether or not they are physically and/or visually attracted to the person. The things we all begin to see are character flaws, or their ways that we don't like.  When we start noticing those things, we silently decide whether or not it is worth it to continue the relationship.  Sometimes we may be vocal about it just to see if it strikes a nerve or not, but for the most part, we will soon decide if we like you enough to pursue.  If we do, there may be a temptation to say "I'll change that later." 

The problem with that is that the other person may see nothing wrong with their 'ways' and may not want to change them, then what?  It is a bad idea to decide you can change someone to be what you want and we often overlook the fact that they may be thinking the same thing. If you don't like what you see, be honest... "Is this something I am willing to LIVE WITH?"  That is the real question because if you are not, let them go and  keep it moving.  Infinite attempts to change someone can often keep them from being who they genuinely are.

IF I MARRY YOU, I'M GONNA CHANGE YOU!

So we've heard several reasons why not to try to change someone , but I still plan to change anyone I hook up with.   After many years of counseling, I have a new thought about changing people when you get married.  I understand scripture and understand human behavior, but I still hold to the fact..... I'm gonna change you!

Here is why:

#1 Love always changes people. 

Being with someone you love who is different from you will always change you... if you love them.  You will adjust yourself, your ways and your time for those you love.  The same happens from them to you.  Love makes us change.  It makes us consider the other person and lay aside things that we know may not be good for the union. 

#2 Who we are - will change people.  

I am a strong woman, I know this about myself, and I don't apologize for it.  Because of this knowledge, I have to be sure I don't connect with someone I can destroy.  The bible talks about iron sharpening iron, because of the differences, and even the friction, we will change each other. Depending on who you marry will determine if the change is good or bad.   Don't apologize for being a strong person, it is meant to be a blessing to others.  We just have to be sure we are not hurting others with our strength, because it is meant to sharpen.   Being around you, their countenance should be stronger, bolder and more confident because of your presence.  They should know, without a doubt that someone has their back, and because of that they will take chances, trust God and become more than they ever thought they could.  Yes, they should CHANGE.

The change is not the change that so many of us vehemently speak of.  You don't have to change your clothing for me, don't change your weird habits (...unless you want to) just change into who God has already made you!  Become better for YOUR purpose, not mine.  So Yes, I will change you... but not to fit me better, but I will change you to fit YOU better.  After all, that is what love does.    

Jumping Scared!

Have you ever been given a task bigger than you?  I mean something that you don't feel qualified to do... okay... you KNOW you are not qualified to do?  There is a difference between doubting yourself and knowing yourself.  Many of us experience those types of circumstances every day. Whether at work where you are putting together presentations that you are scared to do, or you may be sitting in meetings where everyone in the room seems more educated or more 'in the know' than you are.  You might even be working on a church committee and this is new to you.  But there you are, in the room, on the committee and in the mix.  It can be both intimidating and overwhelming at the same time.  Today I want to encourage those of you who are facing things that look bigger than you.

UNEASY ON PURPOSE

I often find myself recognizing how insufficient I am in most of my life.  You would think by now, at this age I would be completely comfortable in my skin and feel that I know what I am doing, but that is not my testimony!  Don't get me wrong, there are certain gifts I have that I realize God has graced me to do, like teaching, encouraging and helping folks find wisdom, but in the midst of what I know He is helping me with, are the NEW THINGS that keep showing up!  The purposeful things that make me not just think outside the box, but they make me jump outside of it.  The funny thing is that I welcome these ideas when God places them on my heart, it is exciting and I can see the benefit for others as well as myself.  I  see a divine connection with what I am challenged to do and opportunities to walk further in my purpose.... then it happens.   My stomach gets tight, my heart starts beating kind of weird and my knees get kind of weak.  What happened to the excitement? 

 

Oh yeah!  I am the one doing this thing!  Thoughts of my shortcomings, weaknesses or simply my lack of specific qualifications comes to mind. When this happens, we can beat ourselves up and even talk ourselves out of what God is orchestrating.  That is  when we have to convince ourselves to 'Jump Scared'.

GET OUT OF THE BOAT!



 

 

Over the years I have heard the story of Peter walking on water.  People praised him for the boldness to do it, and others ridiculed him for sinking.  The way I see it, how many of us have had any part of that experience?  Have we been bold enough to hear God say "Come" and we go?  We think we do.  Every day we are trying to follow Jesus and hear His commands.  Our hearts are in the right place, but in any given week, when we see what is facing us, who is against us or the possibilities of real danger or loss, we can sink.  

 

A few things I like about Peter is that fact that He made sure it was Jesus first!  Be certain when you jump out there, you are not doing things for selfish gain, or personal glory.  Making sure Jesus is in the midst of whatever your jump project is, is vital to success and assurance of victory.

 

Second thing is to know is that although the wind and waves are there. ... you are on water!  WOW!  You are actually outside of your box/boat.  You are in an area that is less comfortable than where you were so expect to feel anxiety, just plan for it and know that if at any time you get that 'sinking feeling', call on Him and He will bring you through.  Remember to take time to relish in the feelings of accomplishment when you realize... "I am walking ON WATER!"

 

DON'T BE MOVED BY RESULTS

"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.

“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”"

 

Recently I took a jump, and it brought to mind the story of Peter.  I used his story to encourage myself by knowing God would bring me out, Just like He did Peter.... but then I got to thinking.... 

 

"If I jump, then call on Jesus, He will automatically help me and everything will be great!...  But what if it does not happen that way?  What if God allows me to sink further than I thought?  What if He tries to teach me a lesson on faith and lets me fail?  What if? What if?" 

 

Well, after that moment of anxiety, (where I said I would do this project then never attempt anything like that again); I realized I had just moved into looking at waves and wind! I have agreed to the jump only because I knew it was Jesus, then when I was actually WALKING ON WATER, the sinking feelings came.   It is easier to see the winds and waves when you respond to God by faith.  We can't see faith, but those waves.. we can see them.   So now,  I have simply said to myself... "So be it, if God allows me to sink, So be it."   My plan is to follow God, His plan is to prosper me and bring me to an expected end.  I love Him enough to follow Him.  I trust Him enough to follow Him.

 

 

TIME TO JUMP!

What is in front of you today that God has placed on your heart?  What project or opportunity is waiting for you to say "Lord, if this is You, tell me to JUMP"?   God has big plans for you.  You may not understand or see how all of this works out, because it is scary, it is different; but Gods got you.  We doubt because we know ourselves, we know we may not be qualified to do the task in front of us, but if  God has 'bid you to come', go!   If you don't have faith in yourself or in your abilities, that is okay, the task He often gives us is not based on us, but Him.  He has given us sufficient grace for every task, though it may not look like what people require.  Have faith because you know your God, you got this, because He's got you!  So, look at the waters, focus on Jesus and go ahead.... Jump Scared!

 

 

 

SIDEBAR.....

Don't be moved or discouraged by those who ridicule you for your sinking moments.  Remember they ridicule from inside the boat, at least you got out.

Eating the Last Pea...Purpose Fulfilment

THE LAST PEA

I was always a strange kid.  I have done some really weird things and every so often I recall them.  One memory I have from my childhood, had to do with a time that I ate everything on my plate except for one small pea.  I looked up and said- "I'm Full!"  We laughed at the thought that after eating everything on my plate, that one little pea would not fit in my belly.  I remember picking up that little pea, looking at it like it was the biggest thing ever, popping it in my mouth, then laughing at the foolishness of it.  Recently I thought about that little pea, and how it made no sense that anyone would leave it on the plate, alone, unused.... unfulfilled.  A lot to think about for a small vegetable, but what about us?

 

 

USING THE LAST OF IT!

Although my "Pea" story was a little joke I did as a child, it points to another issue I have.  I realize that I have a problem with waste, I expect to use things to it's fullest before I toss it.  Unlike my pea joke,  I notice when someone leaves just  a little bit of juice at the bottom of the glass, a little soda in a can, a little peanut butter in the jar. It is not like they didn't drink most of it, I notice the fact that they left a little bit unfinished.  I do the same with my make up.  I don't know if others do this or not, but when the lipstick is too low to go on my lips, I have a retractable brush that I use so I can get every bit of lipstick out of there!  Don't get me wrong, I'm not cheap, I have often already purchased a replacement (or two) I just like to use it for what it was intended instead of watching something just go in the trash and never fulfill it's purpose. When the lipstick is done and there is nothing else to get from it, I (weirdly) say "Thank you" and toss the container in the trash.   I rinse out my body wash dispenser when it is done, much like I rinse my dish detergent container clean so I can use the very last bubble.  I pour the last of the chips in the bag in my hand and eat every last chip.  The way I see it, I have paid for 4oz of whatever is in that container; I should be able to use every last drop, every blend of color, every bubble and every piece of the chip!  I know, I have issues...  But what does this have to do with us and our lives?

EVERY BIT OF YOU

I am a believer that each of us are here for a purpose.  Many have found and are walking in what they are called to do, others are still discovering purpose.  Either way, don't you think God wants every drop of talent that He has given you used?  Every book written, every word spoken, every song sung, every person you are called to reach...touched?   I know I have issues, with wanting to use all of something, but God I am sure has plans for everything He has put in you and I.  

 

God chooses us, He gives us everything that we need to glorify Him and help others, and then some of us die, or choose to leave this earth still full, or half used. What a waste. I may not know everything I am going to do, and I may not be at my full potential, but my prayer is "Lord use me up!"   Even the word fulfillment says "full" and "fill" we are "meant" to leave our purpose in  this world, full and filled.

 

I don't want to leave the last pea on the plate, I don't want to leave a little juice in the jar, I want to use everything I can think of to give God glory, before this 'old container' is tossed aside. I have more things to say, more videos, blogs to do, more books to write, more people to reach.  Getting older does not mean you are empty, just like being younger does not mean you don't have enough in you.  If you keep pouring out, God will keep pouring in!  There are talents and pieces of you in  areas you may not have explored yet. God has hidden treasures inside you, open your mind to ask Him for additional direction and trust that He will put people on your path to help you accomplish even more than you thought or imagined.  You are and have been a great blessing, but you are not finished yet.  There is still color in your container, you still have juice in you and you are not so full that you cannot eat the last pea on the plate!