If I Marry You, I'm Gonna Change You!

After years of counseling couples we have all heard it before:  "Don't marry someone with the intent to change them."  That is the golden rule of relationships, right after "You have to communicate."  So why would anyone be so bold as to tell their future spouse, that if they married them, they WILL change them?  Well before dealing with my unorthodox and unpopular comment, let's talk about all the reasons why it is a bad idea.  (Maybe after this, I'll change my mind)

A TIME FOR CHANGE!

Most of the time when a young couple begins dating, things are okay, even good.  It is not until more time is spent together, that they see the things that might be less attractive.  Most of those things are not physical, since by now they've decided whether or not they are physically and/or visually attracted to the person. The things we all begin to see are character flaws, or their ways that we don't like.  When we start noticing those things, we silently decide whether or not it is worth it to continue the relationship.  Sometimes we may be vocal about it just to see if it strikes a nerve or not, but for the most part, we will soon decide if we like you enough to pursue.  If we do, there may be a temptation to say "I'll change that later." 

The problem with that is that the other person may see nothing wrong with their 'ways' and may not want to change them, then what?  It is a bad idea to decide you can change someone to be what you want and we often overlook the fact that they may be thinking the same thing. If you don't like what you see, be honest... "Is this something I am willing to LIVE WITH?"  That is the real question because if you are not, let them go and  keep it moving.  Infinite attempts to change someone can often keep them from being who they genuinely are.

IF I MARRY YOU, I'M GONNA CHANGE YOU!

So we've heard several reasons why not to try to change someone , but I still plan to change anyone I hook up with.   After many years of counseling, I have a new thought about changing people when you get married.  I understand scripture and understand human behavior, but I still hold to the fact..... I'm gonna change you!

Here is why:

#1 Love always changes people. 

Being with someone you love who is different from you will always change you... if you love them.  You will adjust yourself, your ways and your time for those you love.  The same happens from them to you.  Love makes us change.  It makes us consider the other person and lay aside things that we know may not be good for the union. 

#2 Who we are - will change people.  

I am a strong woman, I know this about myself, and I don't apologize for it.  Because of this knowledge, I have to be sure I don't connect with someone I can destroy.  The bible talks about iron sharpening iron, because of the differences, and even the friction, we will change each other. Depending on who you marry will determine if the change is good or bad.   Don't apologize for being a strong person, it is meant to be a blessing to others.  We just have to be sure we are not hurting others with our strength, because it is meant to sharpen.   Being around you, their countenance should be stronger, bolder and more confident because of your presence.  They should know, without a doubt that someone has their back, and because of that they will take chances, trust God and become more than they ever thought they could.  Yes, they should CHANGE.

The change is not the change that so many of us vehemently speak of.  You don't have to change your clothing for me, don't change your weird habits (...unless you want to) just change into who God has already made you!  Become better for YOUR purpose, not mine.  So Yes, I will change you... but not to fit me better, but I will change you to fit YOU better.  After all, that is what love does.