Licensed to Drive Your Life!

On my way to work this morning I was admiring my own driving skills.  I was gliding between drivers that were going slow, making way for those that were moving too fast, and avoiding issues by looking ahead all the while still using my blinker and driving safely- all with ease and confidence!  However, that was not always the case... 

DRIVING FEARS

I was in my mid 20's before I got my drivers license, until then I walked everywhere or bummed a ride.  I recall all kinds of encounters while walking that I would not have had to deal with in a car.  In an attempt to not inconvenience someone who was taking us to church,  I remember waiting in the middle of the street for them - just so they didn't have to pull into our apartment complex.  Walking meant rain, road kill, predators and heat; they were all part of the elements that I dealt with minus a car.  I was fine, I had learned to function in life without driving.  

Until one night as I was prepping to walk home,  I was changing my shoes and about to walk off into the night across a busy street towards my apartment complex when I saw a young woman jump in a pickup truck and drive off.  It dawned on me... 'she is not scared!  She is younger than me, more timid, but she just jumped in a pick up truck and just sped off... what is holding me back?  I think I can do this.' That began my plans to be not just licensed to drive, but a licensed DRIVER.

ROAD DOGS

Do you remember the first time you drove on the highway?  I do.   As fate would have it, I have a good friend who had a car and he was trying to help me with my driving fear.  He would let me drive around a bit to get over the fear, this was fun and kind of helpful until one day, things got really UGLY.  

While leaving his residence to take me back home, he went out to the car ahead of me and jumped in the passenger seat and locked his door.  I was a bit confused and thrown by this because it was around evening drive time and we needed to get on the freeway fast.  I like a good joke as much as anyone else, but he would not get out of the car, he basically told me that I was driving myself home!  For those of you familiar with Houston, that meant from Greens Road to Fuqua, during Houston's drive time!  My heart started beating heavily and I felt faint. I didn't think I could do it, but my friend (who is just as hard headed as I can be) wouldn't budge.  So I slowly made my way into the drivers's seat  and started the car.  Obviously we lived, although we talk of the terror we both had that day; his was well hidden and mine didn't matter to him.  As much as I really hated him that day, I thank him for helping me jump on a road that today, I have conquered. 

DRIVING YOUR LIFE

We have been licensed to live, but it is up to us to get behind the wheel and drive our life.  Many of us are frightened about what might happen, what could happen, what has happened to others or who we may encounter out there.  But the truth is those issues will be there whether you drive or if you allow someone else to.  Getting over the fear of highway opportunities will help you get where you are going much faster.  There are places you want to go in life that are no where near where you are today and it will take a leap of faith, a driving force in you to trust God that you can do this. We can't be limited to the 'back roads' of life and arrive at our destination.  The unnecessary frustration and time alone can ruin your journey.  In life we need good friends and mentors that will remind us that we can do what we are avoiding.  We have all the skill, the know how and opportunity to do it, we just have to do it.   So, BUCKLE UP, this ride is going to be challenging, but soon you will be looking back and admiring how far you have come, how skilled you are and how quickly you reach your destination! 

Rev Billy Graham: Strangers at The Funeral

I still recall the day we buried my mother.  In the midst of meeting and greeting family members, friends and neighbors,  there was another group of people who seemed to come out of no where.  A group of individuals not connected to us or each other, but connected to our mother.  At one point in the service we watched as a frail woman we didn't know, approach the casket and gently kissed our mother on the forehead.  We became aware of who she was when she stood up to speak words of comfort during the service.   She talked about meeting our mother when she went to chemotherapy.  She told us about how our mother touched her life at a time that she was the most vulnerable and broken.  We heard for the first time how our mother literally ministered to this woman and encouraged her on her Cancer journey.   We never knew that part of our mother, we never knew this woman.   Here at the funeral we were meeting a stranger who loved our mother just as much as many others there.  

OPPORTUNITIES 

When I think of Reverend Billy Graham, I think of opportunities that we have to share and encourage people every day.  Not all of us will live to be  ninety nine  years old, not every one will preach on every continent and have thousands come to Christ as a result of our ministry.  That may not be what some of us do, but we all have our own ministry.  We have our own bait that reaches people that we come in contact with every day.   What we do have every day is opportunity.  Even when we are hurting ourselves, we have opportunity.   I was talking to my son today and as we talked about Reverend Graham, he was looking at how long he lived, I was looking at what he did.  I told my son, "When you die, it doesn't matter HOW you die."  and he chimed in saying..."It matters HOW you lived."  

STRANGERS AMONG US

There are strangers among us.  People much like the woman at the funeral.  People who need to hear from us, need the encouragement we hold.  If we have answers, why would we keep them from a dying world?  If we knew the bridge was out down the street, why would we not stop anyone from going over it?  In the natural we would.   Today be aware that everyday is an opportunity to touch and help someone.  Whether online, in the grocery store or a neighbor down the street.  Look for the times that God will give you opportunity to touch someone else.  

I actually think about death often, and wonder who will show up at my funeral and truly feel a loss?  Who will be there that can say I helped them unselfishly?  Who will be there that NO ONE ELSE KNOWS?  The Reverend Billy Graham has many who mourn his death, people he has never met who are forever changed by something he said or did.  His platform was much larger, but it was his.  Your life, your platform is yours, make it count. 

A STRANGER AT YOUR FUNERAL 

When you pass away, someone should show up at your funeral that nobody knows, someone that you touched just when opportunity presented itself; and they will be forever changed, forever grateful.  Take advantage today of every opportunity to be a blessing to others and point them to the life in Christ Jesus that is available to all.  It is sometimes risky, some may hate you for a day, but others will love you for eternity. 

Like the Reverend Billy Graham- we all want to hear God say "Well Done." 

50 and Beyond: Dating After Divorce

I have to admit, I never really thought I would be here.  Divorced and Dating after 50...

After a 20 year marriage, the only dating I thought I would do was supposed to be IN the marriage!  But life changes things and you never know where you will be from one year to the next.  So after publishing my book "A Shopper's Guide to Dating" I began to examine my own dating, or lack of dating habits.  I found out a lot about myself and since I like online shopping, I recently looked at online dating. Don't panic, I am still saved!  I will give you the results of my shopping later in this blog.  In the meantime, here are some other things I discovered....

DATING AFTER DIVORCE

I'm not really a dater.  I am not good at it and I don't really know HOW to do it.  I do know that the expectations today are very different than they were years ago.   One thing I have found out about dating after divorce, is that what you want and what you look for is, or should be different.  Depending on your age, what you want is not the same as what you used to want.   As women, we know we have had our share of issues.  We may have been hurt, disappointed, used or abused.  But guess what, so have the men. Typically the men are asking for women to be over their previous relationship and not hold them captive to old experiences.  But the truth of the matter is that both men and women have to be open to accepting a relationship for what it can be, not based on what we had before.     Men have been hurt just as much, used just as much and abused, yes... just as much.  So being able to forgive and really love again is not  one sided.  If you want to date after 50, you have to first know yourself and be honest about YOU.  If you are not good to be around, or if you are needy, subject to fits of anger or overbearing... be honest... because those who are seriously dating for a good relationship at this age, will expose you! This age group is not as caught up on appearances, some are, but many don't want to repeat bad experiences... we don't have time.

SET IN OUR WAYS

It is understood that after a certain age, we are basically set in our ways.  This is not really a bad thing, but it is something we have to  think about.   Trying to change who you are is not even an option.  You have to admit that you nor your prospect should have to try to impress anyone outside of who you genuinely are, cause it may not change.  Age has earned you the right to be you and who you are is probably pretty much set.  When I signed up for the online dating service, I was brutally honest about my good and bad attributes.  I really do overthink on occasions, I am opinionated, hard headed, I don't do cigarette smoke and don't like a dirty house.  I also talk a lot. (as seen in my blogs)  Communication is a key to me being happy and feeling fulfilled, more than sending me flowers or candy.  I fall in love with open honest, intriguing, conversation!   So being around someone who does not like to talk or is irritated by my talking, would not be good for them, or me.  Now granted, I know there is a time to hush and allow others their time, but again... we have to be honest about who we are, what makes us tick and whether or not that fits with someone else.  I recently met someone who worked with numbers.  His conversation was  'YES' or 'NO'.  But I counsel people, so I go around corners and down the block... that was not a good match for me, or him.  At this age, we have to be honest... somethings work, others just don't.  There are areas that we are set in, that is not sin, so it is not really required to change.  We can always make adjustments to help a relationship work better, but at this age, trying to change for people is irritating; but being able to find someone who is also set in their ways and both ways work... is kinda cool. 

FUTURE DECISIONS

I recall in the past when thinking about a future mate it involved US... me and him.  What we would build together, children we would have and a life of love and growing old together.  We were encouraged to combine our finances into one household account, and to file joint returns.  It was the norm.  But at this age, there is so much more to consider!  

I have wondered how people handle bills that one has to pay off.  How do we expect someone to inherit debt when they have worked all their life to eliminate it?  What about insurance policies?  If you have lived with an understanding of what your children will receive when you pass, now what?  Does this new spouse govern how or if your children receive?  Don't forget about houses and living decisions!  If by chance, both of you own  a home, who sells theirs? This is one place where I wondered if a Prenup was appropriate to be used!   Dating after divorce and after 50 is not as easy as first love in your 20's or 30's. Even with all the questions and uncertainties, I still know that love is out there and answers are too, we just have to be serious about what holds value and not be scared to talk about the hard stuff.   At this age, we can't afford to try to be impressive and miss the things that matter most.

WISDOM 

Know that we are not kids anymore.  We may have thought as kids and acted like kids before, but we are grown for real now.  We should have put away childish things long ago. While dating after 50 being able to respect others desires and thoughts along with upholding our own is important.  Being able to be kind in saying 'no', understanding that all of us hate rejection and want to be genuinely loved.  Using wisdom when you may be exactly what someone else has prayed, for even though they are not what you have prayed for.  Releasing people with dignity is a sign of maturity. 

If they have children that are grown and raised differently than you raised your kids, understanding that the key words are 'grown' and 'raised'.  You don't need to give all your  parenting input on a job already done.  As you can see, there is so much that we can learn and need to consider when entering a relationship in our latter years.  If you know that you tend to lack wisdom in any way, remember God already said you could ask Him. 

OPEN AND HONEST

Truthfully, we should consider this at any age...

If you are someone who is looking for love in your latter years, I encourage you to not give up. It may not be found in a bar or even at church, but be honest with yourself.  How you talk and what you want is different and you have to approach it as such.  Have real conversation about real issues the things that matter the most to you.  We can't afford to get caught up on looks, sex appeal or material things.  At this age, there is too much at stake, everything you have built, what you believe and who you are is in the background biting nails -waiting to see what you decide. Choose well.

Oh, about my online dating experience...I found that online dating is much like online shopping.  Everything is not what it appears, it may or may not fit, it may have been made for someone other than you and it is easy to be drawn in by what something looks like or the description given.  I also learned that knowing yourself, your 'brand' and what works for you is necessary when you are not in the store.  Avoid looking for stuff that is faddish or just looks good. Read the reviews!!!  In many cases you can fall for what something appears to be, but you will always need one on one talks and contact.  You should also be sure you leave room for 'returns'... there WILL be returns...

As for me,  I really did find love on the site I subscribed to.  I found ME!  I found that I am a gem, I am okay, I don't have as many hidden problems as I thought, I also found that I am a surprise to some and a blessing to many.  I spent more time encouraging and sending notes to empower than I did trying to get a date.  I discovered I am not desperate, I need someone who will pray for and with me, that I don't do needy or demeaning men, I realize I am honest and because of that I might be gullible to games; I am not as difficult as I thought, and I discovered that I LIKE ME!  Writing my profile alone made me want a better relationship with ME!  So, I am good for now and feeling really encouraged about the experience.  It also sent me back to what I know is real love.... 

(to be continued as developments arise) 

A Shopper's Guide to Dating GET YOUR COPY!
https://www.wisdomspeakstoday.com/

The Struggle is REAL!

ROMANS 7:15-20

For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.   For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

I remember the first time I read this scripture.  I was a young believer, a little naive  but on fire!  I couldn't understand how the Apostle Paul had such a hard time living out what God said, what was in his heart;  after all, he was an Apostle.  He was also responsible for writing books of the bible that I was now trying to live.  It didn't take long after my conversion to understand just what was happening to him.  See as a young girl in my early 20's, I was soooo excited about this new journey with Jesus, but I had issues.   I didn't quite know how to keep my attitude or my thoughts in check!  Everything  seemed right because ... well it was NATURAL.   That was when it dawned on me that I had been born again, my natural responses were no longer right in my heart, but my mind and my actions didn't know it yet.  THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

STUCK IN CHAPTER 7

Many years later, I found myself stuck in Romans Chapter 7.  I was constantly having to put myself in check, examine my motives, actions and thoughts in everything.  I would have thought that after 30+ years of living for God, we should all  be past this by now.  But  even today, just like the Apostle Paul, I realize that in me there really is STILL no good thing.  No matter how much I blog about God being good, His requirements for holiness or just laying aside things that weigh me down, living this life is a daily choice.  A choice I will have to make until Jesus comes for us all.  I recognize now that in Body of Christ  we are still natural people living to fulfill a spiritual call.  No matter how spiritual we are, we still get tired, we still get angry, depressed, and our flesh cries for attention we have vowed to never give it.   If we are not careful, we can get stuck in Chapter 7 fighting the Law of Sin and Death. 

COMPASSION FOR OTHERS

Because of this realization over the years, I have become more compassionate towards all believers, whether they are new or have been on the journey for years.  I don't excuse wrong or call it right, I just know that the struggle is real!  It was not just something that the Apostle Paul wrote about, it was something he had to deal with.  So, now instead of giving a 'side eye'  to struggling believers, I try to encourage them to live focused on the good, to read scripture to build up the good, so they have something to pull on in times of adversity.  We need encouragement more than anything today, we have enough in the world that will pull us down or enough critical people, Christians included- that feel you are not trying hard enough and Hell has warmed itself just for you.  Your struggle may not be my struggle, but if we really love each other the way the bible says, we should extend my hand to help each other. 

CHANGE YOUR CHAPTER

If by chance you are one who is struggling and are stuck in Romans Chapter 7, I encourage you to turn the page.  See Chapter 7 reminds us of the problem we have, it points us to our inability to please God by trying to live out His requirements by our desire to do it.   We need Chapter 7 to understand the problem, to know that none of us are able to fight this thing alone.  We all know and have lived that chapter, but Chapter 8 reminds us of what God has provided in the midst of our flaws.  It show shows us that living by the spirit will help us daily conquer the works of our flesh.  

Romans 8:1-5

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do.  By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteousness requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 

If you are someone who is still fighting within yourself, stop trying to do it on your own.  It will never happen.  The struggle is real, but so is God's grace!  He is the one who enables us to live this thing out.  He is the one who will empower us and cause us to love Him even more as we delve into His word and just yield our hearts to Him.  He is the one who will give us grace and forgiveness when we miss it.   Have you ever wondered why was David called 'a man after God's own heart?'  Was it because of his actions?  NO WAY!  David had many issues, but he always knew to pull on God, go to God, get forgiveness and he knew without God, he was a mess.  God's heart is gained more than doing what is right, it is knowing we need Him even when we do.    I encourage you to stay in here, keep moving forward, stay in the word of God and know that He has not abandoned you!   Be a man or woman after His heart... Keep following Him!