"Church Crutches- Walking Lame"

I never agreed with the phrase of “Using the Church as a Crutch”.  The context I have heard it in dealt with people who refuse to take responsibility for real life, and use the church as an excuse to escape it.  But if we understand the use of a crutch is often due to injury, or circumstances that mess up your ability to walk, or hold your own weight.   In light of that, in this instance we can find some truth in the phrase.  Many of us have had times that life has hit us so hard that we were injured- emotionally, physically, mentally and even spiritually.  We have been unable to continue life without help.  So many of us did run to church, or a friend who prayed for us when we were at our darkest and weakest moment.  There is nothing wrong with that, thank God that His church offers help.  We just have to be sure that we get the help that is offered before venturing out on our own....

  

GETTING OFF CRUTCHES

I was at a dinner honoring a Houston Texans linebacker when we heard the news.  One of their key players who had been injured and returned to the game quickly, was injured again!  This meant he was going to be out longer than anticipated and the new season was going to be in jeopardy without him.  When it was first announced, many praised his return to the game but the news anchor at the table with me was angry at this new development!  She began to talk about how unwise it was for him to try to get back in the game and how his actions were detrimental to the new season.  He was now  going to be out longer than he would have been had  he waited for a complete recovery. 

Sometimes we get involved with churches and we are encouraged, we are lifted, and we get the words of wisdom to help us in this walk of life. We are empowered to keep moving forward and sometimes we get anxious and excited- feeling we no longer need the crutches.  Just like someone who has suffered an injury, the temptation can be to assume regular duties and even take on more. The problem with that is that we use the church only for a momentary crutch, we didn't use it knowing that the ultimate plan is that we be healed completely.  We walk away, start our own ministries because we are excited about this new found support, but our bones are not strong enough to handle the weight of our world much less those we feel called to help. 

This can be seen when we branch out to minister, our words and actions are filled with the words and experiences of others, not the things we have learned in a quiet time with God, nor are they based on experiences in life that He brought us out of.  Don’t get me wrong, the encouragement is real, because God is real; what He has done for others, yes, He will do for you.  But the ability to minister to others and start ministries is more than just the words spoken, there should be a life that emulates it as well.  This level of healing comes with time.  Bones don’t heal overnight, torn ligaments don’t heal overnight, if you come off crutches too soon, you will find yourself back in a place where you are unable to help yourself, or those who are in the game with you.

   

WALKING WHOLE!

 If we are going to use the church as a crutch, we must first understand the purpose of a crutch. 

A crutch is a mobility aid that transfers weight from the legs to the upper body. It is often used by people who cannot use their legs to support their weight, for reasons ranging from short-term injuries to lifelong disabilities.

See, Church is a crutch that helps you distribute your load to others in the Body of Christ.   We are here to assist, to take some of the load off and to help you walk this walk.  The point is to find a place of strength and wholeness so you can walk on your own, basically unassisted so you can in turn help someone else who needs a ‘crutch’.  Walking away from the body of Christ will leave you vulnerable even if you think you are strong enough.  Life has many pitfalls, many potholes and the enemy has many traps to stop us from progressing.  If you are a believer who is feeling your own strength, don’t forget we need each other.   We need you to be there to help another when they fall, and when you fall, the body of Christ is there to help you.   Don’t assume you are strong enough to do this on your own because life throws so much at us any given day.  We need to put the time in to strengthen ourselves,  because the weight of  our life, and the weight of those we are called to carry will be more than we can bear, if we don't do it God's way!  

 Ecclesiastes  4:9-12

Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.  Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 

"The GIFT of Helping Others"

I was talking to a friend the other day, and they reminded me that God is the owner of our gifts and talents.  We may operate in them, but He has a plan for them and to be successful in life, it is best to follow His plan.  Let me explain...  See I have been in a place where I don't really force myself on others.  I can see a need, but because so many people are self sufficient, and easily offended or intimidated, I don't always offer my help.  My friend reminded me that this was wrong.  At any time, God can call on the gift He has placed in us and require that we use it whether the person wants it or not!  That kind of messed me up, but in a good way.  

THE GIFT IS THE GIVERS

I have literally watched from afar, people I KNEW I could help walk around in a circle going to different people trying to get help.  I knew that they were not going to get what they needed, even if they got what they wanted. My thoughts for years have been that when they "get tired they will ask."  Don't take it wrong, it is not that I see myself as this bright light of anointing or anything like that, I just recognize how God uses people, me included.  Some plant, some water and God gives the increase.  Many times I have had to dig up dirt, other times I get to plant, and other times I  simply water what others have planted, and of course... God gives increase.  But the error of my thinking was that I often chose to wait for them to decide if they needed help. That thinking can leave us immobile and leave others waiting way too long to get what they need... what God has already provided for them.  

God never sent the harvest to the laborers, He said He sent the laborers to the harvest. 

USE YOUR GIFT

I have learned in this life that anything that one person struggles with is probably something someone else struggles with, so in light of my rebuke,  here is some encouragement if it is you.  First of all, Use your gift!   You kinda already know what it is.  We often overshadow ourselves because it does not look like someone else's.  But we know what we are good at, we know what we do well and what we enjoy doing that helps people.  False humility causes us to ignore it because it feels like pride when we acknowledge it.  So, use the gift you have to be a blessing to others.   If you attend a local church and you are waiting for someone to call on you to serve, that is the same as what I was doing.  Make yourself available to be a blessing because though it is a gift that you possess, it is not really yours. God calls us to use what He has given to us. 

TRUST YOUR GIFT

Sometimes we have to  trust the gift that God has given to us and understand that as long as we offer help from a  place of  love and not judgment we are okay.  Doing our part to reach others is part of the ministry of reconciliation that God has given to us to help people get back to Him.  Trust that even if it does not look like you helped someone, you are not the one to decide that.   I recall  more than 40 YEARS ago at a sleepover a young woman was there that I didn't know, she shared the scriptures with us and to this day though I don't recall her name, I remember the verses she read and what she said.  It was a turning point in my life.  It gave me boldness to be a Christian around my peers.  Every choice I made after that night was touched by a love for God and His word.   She will never know the impact she had on  my life, but again only God gives the increase.   So trust the Giver of your gift to cause it to accomplish what He intends.  Sometimes His intention is conviction, sometimes it is repentance, encouragement, or thought and sometimes it is a complete overhaul.  Leave the results to God, our only job is to share the gift and share it from a place of LOVE.

So enjoy your week, and take time to help somebody! 

"Don't Do What I Do... Do What I Say!"

We have all heard it before.  People who tell you to do what they SAY, not what they DO.  That was an old school adage that was often said by parents who felt the responsibility to train their children opposite of how they may have been living.   It was also attributed to church leaders that  didn’t follow their own teachings.  It was not a saying that anyone felt was right, it  was a bit hypocritical and was often used in conversations in a negative way.  Today I am finding that  this saying holds more truth than we could have imagined.  We need to pay close attention to what is said that is right, and not what is done.

EXAMPLES: GOOD AND BAD

The bible tells us in scripture that many things in the bible happened as examples for us.  We have scripture that tells us to BE an example, and other scriptures show us examples through the lives of bible characters of how to have faith, deal with obstacles or even serve - such as Jesus washing the disciples feet.  We often only think of examples as good ones, but some bad ones are meant to teach us what NOT TO DO.  

Today it is very difficult to hear things that hit Christians and leaders in our country.  One thing we have not mastered, is figuring out which are examples of what not to do, and which simply teach us about consequences.  Many times we can see what others have done and we think we can  just tweak their plan and find success.  That may be true, but hopefully the overall plan is a good one.

WHAT WE DO...

I awoke today to news that yet another pastor had ended his life.  Just over the last month or so, I have gotten news about leaders I know walking away from their faith, a  successful loving father I am familiar with who committed suicide, married people leaving their families without much reasoning and more.   If our next generation was left to what we DO, they would be of all most miserable.  Our kids are watching us, some of them live in a time that suicide seems reasonable.  They watch how we handle conflict at a little league game, they watch us fight teachers and administration at school, how we talk and ridicule the leaders at church; they see us lie, cut lines, curse and berate others in traffic and even hear us talk about others in authority and justify it because they are themselves bad examples.  When will we learn to teach our children by being a good example instead of expecting them to be able to sift through all the scenarios we offer and try to find what is right?  Our children are more angry, more depressed and more unsure of love than ever before.  It is difficult for them to find examples, if we can't.   Children or adults, may try to justify bad actions, by pointing to someone they look up to who has done the same thing.

I understand that just because we are believers or leaders does not mean we are perfect, it does not mean we get everything right, or that we don’t get seriously depressed and discouraged because we do.  But to help this next generation, we may need to put a foot note in our lives that says, “Don’t do what I do, do what God says.” 

WHAT WE SAY…

If you have a child or mentee,  you owe them a village of teachers; a village of examples that they can see press forward in hard times.  This will let them know that we are all human, but more than all the things they see, we have to all have one thing in common... what God has said.  Having them solely depend on you and their peers is unfair to them. Being in a good church where the leaders have a heart for excellence and God’s word, helps.  No church is perfect, but if the word of God is rich, balanced and covering all aspects of life; if people are encouraged to follow God, not people, that will help.  It is hard sometimes to decide what that looks like, but pay attention to your kids, be sure this world is not leading them without God. There has to be someone who speaks to their thoughts more than the examples they see.  Then be sure WE are not leading them without God. Be the best example you can be, follow God in difficult times and don't feel burdened to perform just to be an example.  The day will come - no matter how much we try to do right, when something confuses them, and they will need to know what God says to help them battle what we've done.  

"Who Killed Chivalry?" It's Time to REVIVE it!

I recently had an incident where I walked past a room full of able-bodied men while doing a task that was strenuous and difficult… in heels.  The task had to be done, and I didn’t really ask anyone for help, but I’ll admit I noticed no one offered.  In the back of my mind, I was trying to figure out how I would allow for help if it was offered but couldn’t help but notice the heads slightly dropping when I came into view, or the slight turn of heads when I passed by.   At that moment I realized… it is true. Chivalry is dead.

WHO KILLED CHIVALRY?

As women we have to be honest sometimes chivalry is dead because we killed it. Before the men cheer and the women get defensive- hear me out.   First of all, we can’t take the total blame for the death of chivalry, because for it to die… it had to first have been alive.  Honestly there are a lot of men who have never been trained in how to be chivalrous.  They don’t notice a need, they may be too consumed with their own and don’t recognize any way they can help.  Some have tried and did it wrong, and after being ridiculed by women, they just stopped.  

As women we can say that is a cop out, but be honest… we all know men don’t do rejection well, so why would they set themselves up for it?   

So, no we didn’t kill Chivalry all the way, but we did leave it on life support.  

NOTE TO THE WOMEN

I remember a time when I was stranded with car troubles in my apartment complex.  It was early one morning and I was looking under the hood of my car trying to see why it was not starting.  A gentleman stopped by and asked if I needed help.  I appreciated the attempt and allowed him to look at what I was already looking at.  See, this was not my first run in with that car, I had been told by the last person what I could do to get air in the carburetor to get it to start.  But here was a gentleman who was willing to help me, so I allowed him to.   I could see that he didn’t know what he was doing, so I tried to help him help me, by telling him what I had been told before.  Well he didn’t listen, he continued to try to do something, and ended up breaking something.  I was really angry, not so much at him as I was myself… I knew how to get it started.  After he walked away kind of ashamed of being unable to help me, I called someone else to help me get my car to someone who knew what they were doing. 

This is a hard lesson.  As strong women, we are too smart to allow ourselves to look vulnerable just to appease a man.  I get that, but somehow we have to allow men to help where they can.  We have become so independent that we act and feel we don’t need a man, but we keep telling everyone how much we WANT a man.  Mixed messages ladies.  Men are made to be protectors, coverings and heads of household.  Granted, they are not always skilled to be that, but they are appointed by God to be that and if they are connected to Him, He will train them in how to do what they may not gravitate to.   It is difficult for a man who is otherwise talented and successful to realize that there may be an area that he may not measure up.  This is where bible relevance gets tested…. Are you willing to let your man own a role God gave him even though he is not the most skilled in it?  Are you willing to trust God to school him?   Many times, we are not, so our men don’t learn from God  how to love us as Christ loved the church.  That lack of confidence is seen in their lack of Chivalry.

NOTE TO THE MEN

Men, God has given you a position that you may never feel qualified to fill, but it is yours by design.  Yes, as women we can be overbearing, we can be overly helpful, decisive and organized… but all of that is for your good!  God will never allow any one of us to function alone without His input.  God made us because of a deficit in YOU, and you give us what we need according to God’s design for us.  So, the sooner we realize that regardless to the times, we need each other, the sooner we can revive Chivalry!  First thing I would encourage the men, is to not try and be impressive outside an area that they were skilled in or knowledgeable in. You are great without having to prove it to us.   It is okay to stand by a woman at a car and call for help.  (it is preferred to breaking something)  It is okay to open a door without getting our permission.  Men, remember that Chivalry is not a dating tool, it should be and outward example of who you are.  Many women you may find who need help may already be in a relationship, or unavailable.  You being Chivalrous should be because of who you are, not what you can get.   We as women must know this when you approach us.  For married men, it is difficult to assist other women, if you don't assist your own.  It looks like you are trying to be impressive, but remember Chivalry should be evidence of WHO YOU ARE.  It is harder for you to reach out to someone and help with your wife nearby if she knows better.  Your actions can look suspect or wrong.  And lastly men, we love you.  We need you, and sometimes we may not act like it.  So whether a woman says 'thank you' or not, leave the deficit is in her, not you. You are graced to help us and walk away.  That alone will remind us of the great men that God has placed on this earth.  Be one of them.

IN CONCLUSION

Chivalry is not really dead; it just needs to be revived.  It just needs blood to flow through every vein, every participant and to be acknowledged and appreciated for it’s efforts.  We can do this if we want…  Men and Women, if we don’t each take responsibility for our areas, we will have far too many moments where we miss the chance to be a blessing and receive one as well! 

Men, look for your opportunities and Women… learn to appreciate them.