I recently had an incident where
I walked past a room full of able-bodied men while doing a task that was strenuous
and difficult… in heels. The task had to
be done, and I didn’t really ask anyone for help, but I’ll admit I noticed no
one offered. In the back of my mind, I was
trying to figure out how I would allow for help if it was offered but couldn’t
help but notice the heads slightly dropping when I came into view, or the
slight turn of heads when I passed by.
At that moment I realized… it is true. Chivalry is dead.
WHO KILLED CHIVALRY?
As women we have to be honest sometimes chivalry is
dead because we killed it. Before the men cheer and the women get defensive-
hear me out. First of all, we can’t
take the total blame for the death of chivalry, because for it to die… it had
to first have been alive. Honestly there
are a lot of men who have never been trained in how to be chivalrous. They don’t notice a need, they may be too consumed
with their own and don’t recognize any way they can help. Some have tried and did it wrong, and after
being ridiculed by women, they just stopped.
As women we can say that is a cop out, but be
honest… we all know men don’t do rejection well, so why would they set themselves up for it?
So, no
we didn’t kill Chivalry all the way, but we did leave it on life support.
NOTE TO THE WOMEN
I remember a time when I was stranded with car troubles in my
apartment complex. It was early one
morning and I was looking under the hood of my car trying to see why it was not
starting. A gentleman stopped by and asked
if I needed help. I appreciated the attempt
and allowed him to look at what I was already looking at. See, this was not my first run in with that
car, I had been told by the last person what I could do to get air in the carburetor
to get it to start. But here was a
gentleman who was willing to help me, so I allowed him to. I could see that he didn’t know what he was
doing, so I tried to help him help me, by telling him what I had been told
before. Well he didn’t listen, he continued
to try to do something, and ended up breaking something. I was really angry, not so much at him as I was
myself… I knew how to get it started. After
he walked away kind of ashamed of being unable to help me, I called someone
else to help me get my car to someone who knew what they were doing.
This is a hard lesson.
As strong women, we are too smart to allow ourselves to look vulnerable
just to appease a man. I get that, but
somehow we have to allow men to help where they can. We have become so independent that we act and
feel we don’t need a man, but we keep telling everyone how much we WANT a
man. Mixed messages ladies. Men are made to be protectors, coverings and heads
of household. Granted, they are not
always skilled to be that, but they are appointed by God to be that and if they
are connected to Him, He will train them in how to do what they may not
gravitate to. It is difficult for a man who is otherwise talented
and successful to realize that there may be an area that he may not measure
up. This is where bible relevance gets
tested…. Are you willing to let your man own a role God gave him even though he
is not the most skilled in it? Are you
willing to trust God to school him? Many
times, we are not, so our men don’t learn from God how to love us as Christ loved the church. That lack of confidence is seen in their lack
of Chivalry.
NOTE TO THE MEN
Men, God has given you a position that you may never feel
qualified to fill, but it is yours by design.
Yes, as women we can be overbearing, we can be overly helpful, decisive
and organized… but all of that is for your good! God will never allow any one of us to
function alone without His input. God
made us because of a deficit in YOU, and you give us what we need according to
God’s design for us. So, the sooner we realize
that regardless to the times, we need each other, the sooner we can revive Chivalry!
First thing I would encourage the men,
is to not try and be impressive outside an area that they were skilled in or knowledgeable
in. You are great without having to prove it to us. It is okay to stand by a woman at a
car and call for help. (it is preferred to breaking something) It is okay to open a door without getting our permission. Men, remember that Chivalry is not a dating tool, it should be and outward example of who you are. Many women you may find who need help may
already be in a relationship, or unavailable.
You being Chivalrous should be because of who you are, not what you can
get. We as women must know this when you
approach us. For married men, it is difficult to assist other women, if you don't assist your own. It looks like you are trying to be impressive, but remember Chivalry should be evidence of WHO YOU ARE. It is harder for you to reach out to someone and help with your wife nearby if she knows better. Your actions can look suspect or wrong. And lastly men, we love
you. We need you, and sometimes we may
not act like it. So whether a woman says 'thank you' or not, leave the deficit is in her, not you. You are graced to help
us and walk away. That alone will remind
us of the great men that God has placed on this earth. Be one of them.
IN CONCLUSION
Chivalry is not really dead; it just needs to be revived. It just needs blood to flow through every
vein, every participant and to be acknowledged and appreciated for it’s
efforts. We can do this if we want… Men and Women, if we don’t each take responsibility
for our areas, we will have far too many moments where we miss the chance to be
a blessing and receive one as well!
Men, look for your opportunities and Women… learn to appreciate them.
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