"A GAP IN JUDGEMENT" -Taylor's Gap Year: Our Journey

It has been announced that Malia Obama is taking a gap year!  I have heard and read some responses that are both shocking and thoughtful.  A few people seem to think that this will cause other children to follow the same path.  Others think if they do perhaps if they may become lazy and never go back to further their education.  

My take on this…  we are such interesting people.  We often forget how to think whenever the media gives us a thought. Raising our kids has never been a ‘public opinion’ driven task.  Considering our child, who they are, what they want and are called to do should be key when making decisions.  Now I can’t talk about Malia Obama (who by the way has grown to be a beautiful young woman), but I can talk about my own child, who also has grown to become a beautiful, purposeful and adventurous young woman.

Taylor took a Gap year right after she graduated from a High School in Spring, Texas in 2013.  Her father and I never really heard of a Gap year, much less anyone doing it before, so we were concerned about why she wanted to do it.  Maybe it was our fault.  Our kids are heavy thinkers and often think through anything they want to do.  Since her father and I were separated at the time, maybe she was trying to be sure I was okay.  Maybe she had a concern about the finances, whether or not we could or would afford to send her to the out of state school that she desired to attend.   All of these thoughts came to my mind, but I had to push them aside and ASK her the question.  

Taylor visited one school she contemplated attending.  They paid her way and gave her a tour of the facility.  It was not her first time traveling alone.  During high school, she was nominated to go with People to People on their European tour.  She learned about getting along with other nationalities and learned to appreciate the differences.  She also traveled with people she didn’t know before the trip.  Watching her grow and connect with strangers made it easier to see her off on the 8 hour flight.   So when she visited the college in Kansas City, we were not really that concerned about her getting to and from the airport.  She researched everything and had all the contact info she needed.  

What we didn’t know was what she told us later.  She stayed at the hotel the night they all went out after seeing how the chaperone interacted with the other kids on the tour.  Not only was the adult supervisor drinking, cursing and laughing with them all, they basically didn’t seem like they were qualified to be the tour guide.  After seeing the environment at the school and the students that she may be there with, she decided that she needed a little time as a Christian to really sure up her beliefs before testing them in that atmosphere.  I could not have been more proud of her.  After encouraging her to pray about it along with the college she wanted to attend, we allowed her to take her- what we soon found was called, a GAP YEAR.

GAP IN JUDGEMENT?

After hearing that Taylor was taking this GAP year, one teacher asked her if we, her parents were going to agree to that.  She was ‘concerned’ that Taylor wouldn’t go forward in schooling.  She asked if we, her parents- would want to support her without a job.  We both laughed when she told me.  Like we wouldn’t support our child (especially after we encouraged her to talk to God and get direction). 

Some people thought maybe it was my fault that she decided to do something so unusual.  I am basically a home girl, meaning stay at home!   They felt maybe my easygoing nature had finally rubbed off on her.  Maybe she would find a place to work and spend years there, like I did.  But no, Taylor still had a drive that I wouldn’t and couldn’t stop. 

Even though she made the decision and thought it out, at one time, she began to think maybe it was not a good idea!  That surprised me, but after hearing so many people’s opinions, maybe that was why.  So, she sat down and planned her year. She signed up for a Mission Trip, something she was not able to do when she was in high school.   She added volunteering and ministry work to her goals and even taught in our Children’s Church and helped with youth.  She joined the art ministry  and was part of a few presentations.  She applied for and got a job that wants her back every summer she comes home.  Not only did she make good friends on the job, she learned a lot about herself, customer service and how committed or lazy coworkers can be.  (Grownup coworkers)  She also took a finance class; this taught her about credit cards,  savings, paying off bills etc.  Something I never got after school.   Overall, that year set her up for her first year of college where the work load was crazy!  She learned to make decisions better, cope with her fellow students, and roommates. She has learned to persevere after not getting an internship that she applied for, but she continued to apply, was accepted this year and will be there this fall.  She has been on a mission trip to China and lived, ate and slept in the mountains with the natives.  Though she enjoyed the ministry opportunity, she came back with an appreciation for life and all that it offers.  So when thinking about her GAP year, I am glad she took time to decide something that gave her time to find herself, her purpose and her passion.

GAP YEAR IS NOT FOR EVERYONE

Even though this has proven to be a great decision for Taylor, I realize not everyone can do this.  Someone was quoted as saying GAP years are for immature kids who need more time to grow up. That might be true for some kids, but honestly, again you have to KNOW your child.  If your child is already immature, I wouldn’t recommend it if they don’t have a path to grow up or a plan for the year that can give instruction to help them mature.   To us the GAP year was because she WAS maturing.  She was able to look at where she was going, recover from the hard work from school, plan for the next steps and work to get finances and life skills that she would ultimately need and use once she got to college. As parents, the best thing we can do is to know our kids.  If we have not deposited in them responsibility and purpose, it won’t matter if they go to college the day after graduating, they may still lack some fundamental character skills to deal with life. 

FINAL THOUGHT

I am big on helping kids grow up.  The bible never uses the term “teenager” that is man-made.  The bible talks about a young child,  boy or girl, a young man/woman, or an old man/woman.  So if we are raising our children, when they are young boys and girls, we should be pointing them towards being a young man or young woman.  For each child it happens at a different pace, it happens when they show they can handle the next step.  So, give your children the benefit of the belief.  If you have put in them the ability to use wisdom  and choose well, let them!  Trying to manage their entire life only causes you to have a dependent that you can't use for your taxes!   

Teach your children to talk to God about their life, to trust that He has a plan for them, and then allow them to walk in it.  If they make mistakes, welcome to the world!  We all have, the biggest disappointment  and mistake is when we don’t learn from them. 

So I say “GO AHEAD Malia!  Enjoy this journey, this is your life.  So plan for it, prepare for it and conquer."
To Taylor I say, "Love you Chica, so proud of you and I'm  looking forward to all that God will do in and through you!"