#MeToo- Battling Sexual Assault: The Lies #2

Liars are interesting people.  I'm not referring to the people who tell an occasional lie about whether or not that outfit looks good on you, or the exaggerations in retelling a story; I mean those who are PROFESSIONAL LIARS, the ones who don't even realize they are doing it.  See a good liar believes their own lie, they are so convincing that even when you know the truth, they can get you to question if you misunderstood them.  They are so good at juggling truth and fiction that they can answer a test question thrown at them quickly, without blinking, thinking or breaking a sweat... a real liar is that good.

When dealing with sexual assault, you would be surprised at the lies we believe, and most don’t come from the perpetrator. 

THE LIES WE BELIEVE

Everyone understands the lie of victim blaming.  We have heard and seen it portrayed in real life so we kind of get the fact that the person who is in the wrong, may try to push the blame on the victim.  Whether it is the normal things said, or the way you made them feel, or even if you didn’t really say “NO”.  These are the normal lies, we know them, we have seen them, we try to overcome them.  But there is a whole different type of lie I want to deal with today. If you have ever been a victim of sexual assault/molestation, you will know what I am talking about.  

The biggest lies we believe are the ones we tell ourselves. 

After growing past the initial incident of sexual assault, I kind of went on with life as I knew it.   I didn't realize the baggage I was carrying mainly because no one was available to tell me.  (see previous blog #1 "Battling Sexual Assault"...Tell Someone")   
As a kid in school, I had issues where boys were not really attracted to me, so I just made them friends.   I managed to make it through High School without any 'consensual encounters', and I was glad about that, but it still bothered me, because it looked like the narrative in my head.  As a young adult, that feeling didn't change but  it turned into "Something is wrong with me, and I can't have children."  Understand NOBODY told me that, I hadn't visited a doctor, hadn't read any articles nor had I received any insight concerning the matter.  Since I was not sexually active in High School, I didn’t have anything that could make me think that it was true.  So  what did I do?  I did test runs... unprotected sex with different men in my early 20's. I even told some of them that I couldn't have kids, I believed the lie that bad.  I was not thinking about how many unmarried mothers were out there.  I didn't care, about that, the lie in my head had me making decisions that were not safe, not wise and it wasn't until AIDS came around that I thought about my actions and changed. (Thank you Jesus for GRACE and MERCY)   

Not being able to have children was simply a lie I told myself, and I believed it. It wasn’t until I was married and expecting my first child that I realized it was not true.

MORE LIES

Over the years I have heard stories from men and women alike and they too  believed lies. A woman that believed that her body was to be available for all men, she thought that was being biblically submissive. Not realizing the bible never said for women to submit to men- just to their 'own husband.'  Another who was so hurt by a man that she decided no man would ever touch her again, now she craves the arms of another woman.  Other lies included a man who continually denied any negative affect from being molested by babysitters, because it felt good.  He now feels that his current state of promiscuity is a blessing because of all the women he has been with.  The sad thing is that he is unaware of what they stole from him, and since he has never seen it, he no longer looks for it.  One of the biggest lies is thinking that you will never enjoy a full ,whole relationship. That lie will make you settle for things less satisfying  and cause you to Live and Love in mediocrity. 

How long will you allow the enemy to talk to you?  How long will you believe the lie in your head? I don’t know what your lie is, but I had plenty. Things that made me feel like something was wrong, that I was undesirable or that my body was unable to operate in God’s original design.  The funny thing about lies is that they are made up of words... and you can form your world with them. 

HEALING FROM LIES

As a young Christian, I had the privilege of being connected to really good churches, and strong believers.  That allowed me early on to understand who God said I was, and who He created me to be.  I understood I was not to blame for what happened to me, I grew to no longer be a victim, but a victor!  I learned to recognize when those old lies were trying to show their face again.  You have to stay on top of who you are, because the devil is sneaky.  He will jump in the middle of an interview, a conversation with a coworker, an argument with your loved ones or while enjoying a movie on a peaceful day. Stay diligent in understanding your great worth in Christ.  

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The greatest lesson I learned was that I am made in God's image and likeness, so I can frame my world with my words.  I choose to replace any lie with the truth of God's word.  I choose daily to believe it, to confess it and to walk in the truth.  The best way to defeat the lies you have told yourself, is to hear the truth that God says about you! Don’t allow the lies of the enemy to govern your life because they are really his lies, not yours, don’t accept them. The devil is one of those 'good liars', but remember... he is still a LIAR, don't believe him.  You deserve to enjoy your life, to live free from any and every bondage, because Christ has set you free. Be free!

#MeToo- Battling Sexual Assault- #1

It is the thing some families avoid talking about.  Why?  Because they know it happened, and nothing was done. 

It is the thing companies try to act like they don't know.  Why? Because those in power have power to make you pay.

It is the thing that some people who have been through it, refuse to talk about. Why?  The SHAME that it involves.

SEXUAL ASSAULT

This act holds so much power because it hits so many emotional levels.  All the way from shame to satisfaction... depending on which end of it you are on.  Many who have not experienced it will often victim blame.  It is easy to make someone feel as though your attire or friendly nature had something to do with it; or maybe you were in a place you should not have been.  Those are the very thoughts that make people buy into blaming themselves for a crime committed against them.  No one wants to stand before a judge with an attorney who is paid to defend the person who hurt them, and have to answer hard questions.   What questions will they ask?  What accusations will come up?  What if I really do have a sorted past?  Then what....  Not worth it.

MY STORY

In these next few blogs, I want to share a few things I have learned about effects of Sexual Assault from my experiences and those of people I have counseled over the years.  Everyone may not have the same issues, some may be experiencing much worst, some may be doing better. Every act hits us differently, if these simple blogs and thoughts can help anyone, it is worth sharing.

 

I can talk openly about this because as a child, I was violated... in my own house, taken from my own bed with my siblings sleeping and my mother in another room nearby.  The man who took me accompanied her friend, and was sleeping in the guest room.  I can talk about this now because she is no longer with us and the perpetrator has been deceased for years.  You may wonder why I would wait this long to say anything.  You may wonder why I didn't run and talk to my mother when she was alive, after all she was a police officer!  She owned a loaded gun! She could have held him until her coworkers showed up, or better yet..... didn't I say she had a gun?... anyway. 

 

Aside from not wanting to give her anything to be upset about.. I honestly didn't realize at my young age that it was wrong.  I knew SOMETHING was wrong, but I didn't connect it as being a crime until much later.  Remember, we didn't talk about sexual assault on TV, there was no 'Stranger Danger" taught in schools.  It wasn't until someone that I spoke to told me "If you don't do this... I will tell your mom what you let that man do to you." ..That was when it dawned on me, something was VERY wrong.  By then, I thought it was my fault and at that point, I told no one else.  So, I lived until she passed away with her not knowing about the encounter in the guest room of our home. 

 

I don't blame my mother for what happened to me, nor do I wonder why she didn't know.  She didn't know because I didn't tell. 

THE TAKEAWAY

 The first thing I would encourage you to do, is to TELL SOMEONE.  Don't go years holding something that you know is hurting you.  Years of trying to understand why you have difficulty connecting with people of the opposite sex, or why you connect WAY too well.  Especially for the men, sexual assault is not limited to women, though we may talk about it more.  For men the embarrassment can be too much to say anything, especially if somehow your body told you that you enjoyed it.  That alone can make you discount yourself from being a 'victim'.  But if anyone does anything to anybody without their consent, understand, it is still wrong.

 

You may have to go outside your family or workplace to find someone to talk to.  The dynamics of family is weird, there are already so many issues and strains on relationships that the response may not be what you expect.  In a workplace, there may not be channels open to report things, some of those channels may be clogged by people who do not want the company name tainted.  Either way, you have to do what is best for you.  Your concern is- your health and wholeness which is more important than worrying about what people think.  If you have been Sexually Assaulted in any way, you have the right to tell someone.  TELL SOMEONE.

 

#metoo

Multitasking After Harvey: Fight/Rebuild

Hurricane Harvey is gone. 

He left behind devastation and way too much water.  Lives have been lost and altered completely.  We will never be the same.

 

I was thinking of the toil this storm has taken on those around me.  The uprooting from homes, the loss of property, wages and friends. Some schools are completely destroyed and now rivals will have to do class together.  Due to roads still underwater, alternative routes to and from work has made the commute longer than most have ever seen.  Many were caught off guard with no flood insurance, they were told they didn't need it in their area. Harvey proved them wrong... Yes, Harvey was brutal, but we are resilient.

 

Houston is in the midst of rebuilding.  I love the way no one waits to finish crying before picking up a mop, bucket or begins tearing out sheetrock.  For people who deal with grief, this is not all bad, it just means that some may wait later for grief to hit them.  Others cried till their strength was gone, then they dried their eyes, picked up the bucket and joined the friends that came to help.  There is never a thought of whether or not rebuilding is going to happen, it is.

MULTITASKING

I want to take a moment to encourage those who are in the midst of rebuilding.  You will have great opportunity to be overwhelmed by the size of the job.  You will sometimes have to stop just to catch your breath or reevaluate your actions, but keep going.  This is one time that we have to know how to multitask...how to do one job while also giving great  attention to another.  This will be seen in how you stay connected with your family, while also calling for assistance, cleaning up and tearing down,  following up on claims, hiring contractors and taking care of YOU.  You can do this, even if you may not be good at multitasking at work.  If you are like me, I have a bit of tunnel vision.  I will see a goal and focus on it- nothing else matters.. But I have learned to notice and deal with other things that come into my peripheral while focusing on the vision.  We were told F.O.C.U.S. is Following One Course Until Successful.  Your one course will be rebuilding! 

 

REBUILDING/ FIGHTING

Nehemiah was a man distraught due to the destruction of the walls in Jerusalem. The walls had been torn down and burnt.  His desire to rebuild kept him up at night-until he made a decision. It was important enough to him to do something about it so he did.  You can read the book of Nehemiah to find out all the details of his journey, but I just want to pull a few things for us to consider:

 

1. Have the passion to rebuild!  We are talking about your property, your family, your life your opportunity to make things better than they were; stronger than they were.  What you had was good, you would never have disrupted it, especially like this.  But we are here now... take advantage of this opportunity to rebuild.

 

2. Take advantage of what is available!  Yes there is a process that is not fun.  They are called FEMA, RED CROSS, MORTGAGE COMPANIES...ect..  You have a right to go to them with your needs in mind. Nehemiah reminded them that he was a cup bearer for the king. He served well, he did his job and took care of business before the breach in the walls.  You have paid your dues, your taxes and you have a right to benefit from what is made available to you.  Pride is not attractive, especially when help is needed.

 

3. Work with your army!  This is not a loner job.  This is the time to work with others and also the time to mend relationships.  There is nothing like a tragedy that can help us put some petty things behind us for good.  Pull your army together and allow everyone to help based on their skill set.  Whatever they can do, allow them to.  They may not be able to carry or pull , but they may watch the kids.  Every one has a talent that is important and can help with rebuilding. Be sure you build your army with good people who will lift you up when you are feeling weary, we all need (in doses) that one person that seems to be an eternal optimist.

 

4.  Stay positive!  Nehemiah had real enemies that wanted to stop the work, they tried, but the bible said that God frustrated their plans.  Don't be the one getting frustrated, leave that for the ones that are trying to benefit at your expense.  God will frustrate them for you, stay focused, stay positive and build your army as they work.  Be sure to thank your army and allow them to be a blessing that they want to be for you.  It's okay, life always allows us to help each other, right now you are in need- one day it may be them.

 

5.  Finally, Build and Fight!  Your main focus is rebuilding, but you will have to fight at the same time.  Fight the temptation to give up, get angry, the temptation to allow emotions to scatter your army or even the temptation to not follow through all the way.  Your greatest multitasking will be fighting for your peace, rebuilding your life and ensuring that both are well.  Remember to take time for you and your family, do simple things that don't require the mop and bucket, we all need a break to encourage ourselves. Enjoy what each day brings, laughter and down time. You can do this! 

Nehemiah 4:16-18

From that day on, half of my men did the work, while the other half were equipped with spears, shields, bows and armor. The officers posted themselves behind all the people of Judah who were building the wall. Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other, and each of the builders wore his sword at his side as he worked

In closing, know that you are made for this.  You may be hurt, angry or grieving, but you are going to be okay.  There is nothing that you deal with that you cannot make it through.  Trust me, we think we are weak, but God said in the midst of our weakness, He is strong for us.  Lean on His grace and favor when you feel you are losing strength.  Remember to pray for all those who are also rebuilding their lives like you are.  You better than anyone else knows the drama and discouragements that lurk around every corner. 

 

For those not heavily affected by the storm, we are not bystanders or spectators, we are part of the great  resources God has made available to bless others!  So let's do this thing, let's fight, rebuild and be a blessing!

Hurricane Harvey- Thoughts

Hurricane Harvey:  A storm that will be remembered as one of the worst in US history. The images of people being rescued by boat in chest deep water, children being carried by strangers and cars completely submerged, will stay in our minds for days, months and more.  As a non-swimmer, the thought of waters rising around you with no escape is frightening at best.  I have had a lot of time to think and pray for those in harm’s way, those who literally lost everything except their life, and those less fortunate.  It really makes you thankful for being able to watch and be informed, not everyone had that luxury.  Some people were too busy trying to survive, so they didn’t hear all the controversy.  I heard much of it, and had many thoughts -some I want to share with you today.  

THE CALL TO EVACUATE OR NOT TO EVACUATE

I am a news junkie but this hurricane came quickly.  Within  a week, and before we knew it, it was a CAT 4 and about to make landfall.  The orders to evacuate were primarily for those who were in the path of the landfall.  In Houston our warnings were for heavy rain, and flooding,, but the slow pace of Harvey after he was downsized- left us with way too much rain, much more than we were expecting.

I don’t believe officials waited too long to tell us to evacuate, but I think they were caught off guard like we were.  We tried mass evacuation before and it was horrible.  Not to say we should never do it again, because we may need to, this was just a quick turnaround and a slow storm. To think that people who also live in the city would intentionally not give us the benefit of evacuating is extreme;  they too have family and friends here.   Which brings me to this… For the future, we need to think for ourselves.  I heard of some that didn’t want to evacuate because they could not afford to miss work, or their jobs would not give them the time off.  We have to make decisions for ourselves when we know who is in our home and what risks we have in our neighborhoods or the section of town where we live.  I would rather make the call unnecessarily than to wait for a call and regret it.

SHELTER IN PLACE OR NOT?

My ex-husband worked with us at the church and was known as “The Colonel”.  He alone could organize and pull together volunteers, rebuke disorderly evacuees and lift twice his size.  You may not love him for the moment, but you would appreciate him for a lifetime.  Not everyone has someone like this on their staff.  Choosing to open as a shelter is more than having a heart to do it. It takes 'in the moment' organizational skills, being able to put a flow together for people coming in and questions being answered. There are differing mindsets, people with medications and criminal backgrounds, some children who are undisciplined, people who may not treat your facility like their own, and most of all, hurting, scared people who need help and don't know what to do. This is not something you want to be responsible for outside the government agencies that specialize in meeting needs for hurting people.   I’ve been the contact person on a few occasions for our church to be considered as a Red Cross shelter.  It is not as easy as opening the door if you want government agencies to be there.  These agencies spend time and money preparing in ADVANCE.  They evaluate the needs of the city, review possible shelter locations, have them fill out applications and they inspect the property.  If you have issues like we did with a public school and day care attached, you had to consider those things.  What happens when school starts and the shelter still has evacuees?  You can’t them in the same facility using the same restrooms as the children.  That is why we are currently not listed as a shelter.  There is also the question of kitchens, bathrooms and location.  Any place can be available for people to get out of the rain, if someone is there and can open the doors and in case of extreme circumstances, they can add locations as official shelters.  Thinking a church is not fulfilling their role by not immediately opening their doors is error.  Plus staff may also be in need and trying to be rescued.  

WHAT WE DON’T THINK ABOUT

When we think of people being stranded, we think often of just the elements.  Being in the rain, or heat, possibly covered in water, in the dark without food or drink.  We may tend to forget about how they use the restroom when on a roof for two days, or how do women attend to personal needs.   We forget about changing diapers or a sickly child. Unless we have been through it, we will never know how horrible the conditions may be.  When we pray, pray with an understanding and compassion that we can't really imagine the needs that are not spoken. 

  

GRATEFUL

I am a grateful kid today.  I realize that the storm was not sent by God to rid Houston of the disobedient people that are here, or I would probably be gone too.  See not one of us is perfect.  To insinuate that somehow God has His favorites and those that were hit hard are lower on the totem pole of grace, is foolishness. The bible says it rains on the just and the unjust, we are in this together.  The only difference is seen in how we handle it overall.  What we think of each other and of God when we make it through.

For true believers, real Christians… not just the ones that check a box when asked, but those who really meant to accept Jesus and knew it meant a lifelong commitment to change as needed…. We are the body that will show  HIM to the world.  How we love each other in the body  and how we reach out to love others outside of it will tell a story about God.  There is still no greater love than to lay down our lives for a friend, Houston has let us see a natural manifestation of that truth. 

Supremacy- God's Word in Black and White

 

 

I've always thought that supremacy for people was weird. 

Having studied and observed people over the years, none of us got it that way!

How do we become supreme when we all are subject to the same thing?  We all have to eat, discard waste, we all get sick and  we all can experience wealth, poverty, stupidity, happiness, loss of loved ones,  and pain.  Yet, today we are dealing with one culture v/s all others trying to define supremacy. The desire alone to be supreme shows a deficiency or need.  It is almost like having to hurt you or ridicule you to feel better about what is wrong in my own life. 

 

  

SUPREME is defined as: of authority or an office, (or someone holding it) superior to all others

 

I realize that many do not believe in Christianity....what some call the "White Man's Religion" and that is fine.  I trust Jesus and have governed my life by the bible for over 30+ years.  I have examined other thoughts and beliefs, but this is the only one that has helped me lay aside stuff and grow into who I am today.  I don't expect everyone to accept it, but I know for myself and  I am not guessing or subject to being offended by others thoughts about my bible, or Jesus. The funny thing about calling it a 'White Man's Religion' is that if you read the bible and see what God requires of everyone who follows Him,  it is an indictment against racism all together. It is as plain as black and white.

 

SUPREMACY IN THE BIBLE

Matthew 23:11

The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

 

The bible is very plain about who the greatest is.  It is not found in a group of people, nor is it found just because you seek it.  The greatest is found in serving.  If you  really want to be thought of in a high fashion, it requires serving people. (but if your motive is wrong, you still miss it!)   Reaching out to those who cannot do for themselves, abolishing homelessness, feeding the hungry, loving others as Christ did, building hospitals, establishing things that can benefit everyone.  If we were serious about serving, we would make sure everyone who has the capacity to help also had the education and opportunity to.  It is about the task, reaching and touching people.  Only God should get the glory for the task being done.  If you want to be great in God's eyes.....SERVE.

 

 

DESIRING SUPREMACY

Matthew 20:20-28

Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him.“ What is it you want?” he asked. She said, “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.” “You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said to them. “Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?”  “We can,” they answered. Jesus said to them, “You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father.”  When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers.  Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

 

 

This story in the bible is interesting to me.  This mother really just wanted the best for her sons.  Somehow she thought that the two seats that were available should be given to her sons.  I don't know what her sons had that was so precious or powerful.. except that she was a mom who wanted the best for them.... but what about everyone else's sons?  Were they that much better than everyone else? No, many went on to serve in a much greater capacity than they did.  Again we hear, if you want to be great, be a servant... a slave.   Jesus Himself didn't come to make a name for Himself, He came as a servant,  for mankind. He took on sickness for our healing, poverty for our riches and made Himself of no reputation.   If you want to be supreme, stop trying to force it, learn to be a slave to others, (voluntarily) .. humility grants us our own seat, instead of trying to take one away from others.

 

A FINAL WORD IN THE WORD

Some things don't need narration, so I will end this right here.....In Black and White!
 

Romans 12:9-21

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

 

 

A Family Feud- Our Nation Divided

This is one part of three that will talk about our Nation and the divisions we experience. 

Disclaimer:  If we will ever understand why we have opposite sides that are so adamant about their stance, we will have to find common ground to look at it.  We are a family, so if you can for just a moment, let go of your own thoughts, your upbringing, your race, religion and gender.  Go with me on a simple journey called: A Family Feud.


THE FEUD BEGINS

 

JOHN works hard for his money, he had a chance to make more and his DAD helped him. Now he is making a lot of money and doing good.  His brother BRAD didn't get the same chance because DAD thought he was lazy, so he didn't give him the same opportunity.  Instead of encouraging BRAD to further his skill and investing in his education, DAD wants John to help support BRAD. This had angered JOHN, he does not think it is fair since it seems BRAD is now comfortable and seems content to just get help from him.

 

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

Another brother MATT is skilled and working hard to make it, he refuses to take advantage of JOHN- although DAD told him he could.  Somehow when he works to get ahead, John blocks him as if he is asking for a handout.  But MATT is willing to do the hard work, he just needs a little help to get in the door, just like the help John got, but every time JOHN'S friends see him coming... he is refused.  This angers MATT, he is getting more and more resentful of JOHN, and DAD.  He is also angry at BRAD because he knows that it is his fault people feel the way they do about him.

 

MISSED COMPENSATION

In all of this we also find LEAH, she is the only daughter.  She has always had to work hard because DAD mainly pays attention to the boys.  She worked hard enough to prove  herself to be efficient, trustworthy and successful.  But somehow because there is more emphasis on the men, she tends to not be able to benefit as much from DAD because they think what she does is not the same as what the guys do. She is angry because she has great plans that she can't afford to invest in.  (NOTE: BRAD is not really doing much of anything, but even if he would try, he may surpass her... just because.)

  

PRIVELEDGE

The final family member is RACHEL.  She is BRAD's daughter.  Everyone feels sorry for her because she really has little chance of advancing but she desires to.  So DAD has allowed the colleges to consider her first so she can attend with discounts. They may even allow her a little loan to help her if she pursues a business, but the pay back is crazy!  The purpose is to stop her from becoming like her father, BRAD, but JOHN is getting more angry by the second and so is MATT, they are paying part of the bill and are not afforded similar opportunities for their own kids.  Yes, they have opportunities, but they work to support their kids.  JOHN is just tired of feeling like he is footing the bill for everyone.  Of course no one cares what he thinks because everyone knows that he is where he is because of the privilege DAD gave him that the others have not been given. 

 

 We are this family...  How do we fix this? 

 

Families are hard enough without special treatment for one or the other.  We see it every day, no one wants to know that their sibling is Dad's favorite or that one is not considered when plans are made.  This is the feeling I have when I think of America.  Regardless to how any of us got here, we are here now.  We either respond as humans to each other, or we will continue to have divisions among us.  Much like families, we are different.  We may not be able to live in the same household anymore, but we can at least acknowledge that we are related and we should believe and work for the best for each other.  That is what family does.

It takes a lot to change a family. In many cases it seems impossible because once we are grown, we have already lived our experiences and it has molded us.  But if we want to at least make it better,  it takes a commitment from every side.   It takes understanding that WE the children, are NOT the enemy, the system is. 

DAD is the system that has left every child where they are- against each other.  If we work together and make DAD see that what he is doing is dividing the family, maybe we can work together to do better. 

NOTE TO DAD'S

This not a reflection of your leadership as fathers! But how we parent and lead does determine how the kids feel about each other.  Thanks to all the wonderful DAD'S out there!  ~Jacqui

"The Bachelorette"- How to Choose?

Before I get started...let me explain for those who do not know, The Bachelor/Bachelorette is reality television where one person goes through a group of men or women to find their true love! There is unnecessary pettiness, jealousy, hard break ups and WAY too much PDA with a lot of different people.  I don't normally watch the show, and I am not a supporter of this type of dating. However about a year ago, my marketing team (I still blame you)  suggested I watch the show to find out about dating trends since I was releasing my book "A Shopper's Guide to Dating" (for Men and Women).  They felt it would ensure I was 'in touch' with dating trends and mindsets while promoting my book. As a result, my son and I recorded one season of The Bachelor and ended up watching the Bachelorette later. After a few agonizing weeks of total drama and  shock, I was weaned from it, until yesterday when my news finished and the finale came on.  Like any recovering TV addict,  I thought I would watch it just for a moment.   

 

THE FINALE

In this final episode, the  Bachelorette - Rachel had a choice between three men, one was young but really sweet, one was challenging but clear and the third was perfect in her mind, but unsure about making the commitment she wanted.  What should she do?  What would you do?

 

Well Rachel eliminated the young guy and that left her with two choices.  The Mr. Clear and Mr. Unsure.  You could feel her distress as she tried to convey to Mr. Unsure what she needed and why she kept him on even though he was unsure.  It was not really fair to MAKE him make a decision that he was not ready for, so to the dismay to everyone who loved him, she released him. 

Some would think she was settling for less because Mr. Unsure seemed to be everything she wanted.  He even told her if she didn't give him an opportunity, she would settle for a 'mediocre' life.
What a dramatic break up!  Most of us would not go through all that if we ourselves were unsure, but she held to her stance because she was sure about what she wanted at the end of it all-  a commitment, a ring! After a dramatic exit,  Mr. Unsure was gone,  and she went to meet Mr. Clear.  It became pretty clear that perhaps she made the right decision... I don't know cause I don't follow the show.  But let's apply this show to our lives.....  



CHOICES ARE NOT ALWAYS OBVIOUS!



LIFE'S CHOICES

In life we can run into opportunities that are hard to choose between. Sometimes the opportunity that seems the least beneficial can be the best.  Other times the one that can challenge us the most is the least desired.  Typically we will lean towards what seems to fit right and what looks like the most desired, but if we are not careful, we can end up selecting something that looks the part but does not deliver. 

If you have a bottom line requirement governed by your values and your beliefs, then at the end of the day you should be able to see where your decision lies.  If you are contemplating a business deal with someone and they want to cut corners and pat numbers and you have a conviction about being honest... your decision has been made for you.  No matter how lucrative the deal looks, ultimately you can't change a person in a moment, either they will regret doing business with you later, or you will be haunted by making the choice in the beginning.  The same applies in relationships and friendships. It is important to hold your standards when making life's choices.

DON'T LET THE CHALLENGE FOOL YOU

Sometimes the things that challenge us in life or business can intimidate us.  But every life experience should allow us to grow and be a better version of ourselves.  Over the years I can recall accepting numerous job opportunities that scared me.  I knew I was unqualified for the task and I was certain that I was gong to prove to be a great disappointment.  But every time, God gave me what I needed to be successful, I worked hard and was teachable, and each time I was promoted to a higher rank than I was qualified for.  Don't let the challenge fool you. that may be the very thing that helps you grow.

 

In conclusion, remember that once a difficult decision has been made, that is not the end.  Now you have to put in the work.  The decision is huge, but your willingness to do what is necessary to make it successful is still on the horizon.  Many opportunities are good ones, but sometimes our secondary decisions can ruin what was a sure success.  Just because Mr. Clear seems to be a good choice, he and Rachel will have to put in real work to make it.  It can't be a grand show just to make the choice  then they give up on living it out.  Real disappointments will show up, real battles and disagreements will follow.    In the live recording of the Bachelorette Rachel ensured all that after being told she would be settling for mediocrity, she was enjoying her "Best Life."  REMEMBER: To live your best life, you have to first make the best choice, then you have to give your best to make your life the best!  

 

EVANGELISTIC NOTE:

The best choice we ever make will be to choose the One who gave His life for us!  It might be difficult for some, depending on what they think or have heard about Him.  But overall, we know He is the ONE!  He is everything you need and then some, but once you choose Him, don't forget to put the work in.  Every relationship requires communication, requires time together, requires understanding what works for the other and coming to a  place of pleasing each other. 

God requires faith to please Him. Choose Jesus!  You will never regret it!