Take Off Your Hat, and CHILL!

 I recently had the privilege to be surrounded by a group of successful people from various walks.  It is good for me, who does not get out much to take time to see success in everyday settings.   It is great to be around people who know their purpose and are going forward in it.   At this gathering, everyone was kind and focused, they seemed to genuinely enjoy meeting and being in the company of others.  Except for one.

There was a person present who put a last minute damper on the event for a colleague I invited to attend with me.  For some reason they decided to tear into my friend for really no reason at all.  They didn’t like something my friend said earlier (something that all of us got an icebreaking laugh out of) But without knowing who they were talking to, they took it upon themselves  to berate her openly when she reached to greet them.  We were shocked.  We found out later that was normal for them and they had this type of reputation and has done similar things to others at gatherings.

I always tell people “God knows who to allow to go through things like that, I am so glad it was you and not me.”  Even though I don’t excuse that type of behavior, I try sometimes to understand.  I really try to understand what makes someone think they are high enough to talk down to someone else, especially someone they do not know.  

I read a book once that talked about the many hats we wear.  When we are at home with our kids- that is one type of hat.  We have another hat among our friends and peers, and another one we wear to work.    Many people have toiled to perfect their work hat.  Some have fought through getting an education, sleepless nights and missed promotions to get that hat. They may have battled with discrimination and gender bias to get that hat.   Some have been misunderstood and ridiculed by coworkers, but maintained their hat.  So when I think about this person and the role they now have in our city, you can’t help but think they EARNED that hat.  They probably are respected at work for their hat and often may need to deal with difficult situations to maintain that hat.  

I get it, but this is a word of wisdom for all of us who have a hat that causes us to be firm, stern or confrontational.

When you get away from the grind at work,

TAKE THE HAT OFF AND CHILL!!  

Too many of us keep that same hat on and try to deal with our spouse, our kids, our neighbors or strangers at a meeting! That hat has served you well when you have to collect funds from a client that is past due.  It may have served you well when you have to reprimand a worker that has been lax in their performance.  But the world is not your staff.  We don’t get the benefit, or understand why you are waving that hat in our face.  Take it off, and enjoy the benefit of people that can actually help you, or you them.

The bible says in   Hebrews 13:1-2:

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.   Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

We never know who it is in our midst.  Someone who has a key God has given them to your peace.  Meaning, a simple word of encouragement from a ‘stranger’ may make a difference in your day, your life.  The scripture talks about ‘entertaining angels unawares” Meaning, they know the blessing they are, what they have to offer, you just don’t know it.  God has placed treasure in earthen vessels.  He has blessings and words of encouragement for us and it is hidden in PEOPLE.   You may never know the angels that you have passed up because they seem to not look or talk like an angel.  We walked away from that meeting knowing that they really didn’t know who they were in the company of, because they could not see beyond the rim of their own hat.     

 So all you professional go getters….Thank you for serving well, for sacrifices you have made, for taking your job serious and for causing a change in the world.  But at the end of the day, your accomplishments pale in comparison to what we think of YOU as person, how you treat everyday people when you get off work.  So next time you gather at a family reunion, or a company luncheon, maybe you are at a PTA meeting or ball game;  we know you have fought corporate America to wear that hat from work, but you are with everyday people who want and deserve the best of you.  Feel free to take the hat off, and CHILL!

"A GAP IN JUDGEMENT" -Taylor's Gap Year: Our Journey

It has been announced that Malia Obama is taking a gap year!  I have heard and read some responses that are both shocking and thoughtful.  A few people seem to think that this will cause other children to follow the same path.  Others think if they do perhaps if they may become lazy and never go back to further their education.  

My take on this…  we are such interesting people.  We often forget how to think whenever the media gives us a thought. Raising our kids has never been a ‘public opinion’ driven task.  Considering our child, who they are, what they want and are called to do should be key when making decisions.  Now I can’t talk about Malia Obama (who by the way has grown to be a beautiful young woman), but I can talk about my own child, who also has grown to become a beautiful, purposeful and adventurous young woman.

Taylor took a Gap year right after she graduated from a High School in Spring, Texas in 2013.  Her father and I never really heard of a Gap year, much less anyone doing it before, so we were concerned about why she wanted to do it.  Maybe it was our fault.  Our kids are heavy thinkers and often think through anything they want to do.  Since her father and I were separated at the time, maybe she was trying to be sure I was okay.  Maybe she had a concern about the finances, whether or not we could or would afford to send her to the out of state school that she desired to attend.   All of these thoughts came to my mind, but I had to push them aside and ASK her the question.  

Taylor visited one school she contemplated attending.  They paid her way and gave her a tour of the facility.  It was not her first time traveling alone.  During high school, she was nominated to go with People to People on their European tour.  She learned about getting along with other nationalities and learned to appreciate the differences.  She also traveled with people she didn’t know before the trip.  Watching her grow and connect with strangers made it easier to see her off on the 8 hour flight.   So when she visited the college in Kansas City, we were not really that concerned about her getting to and from the airport.  She researched everything and had all the contact info she needed.  

What we didn’t know was what she told us later.  She stayed at the hotel the night they all went out after seeing how the chaperone interacted with the other kids on the tour.  Not only was the adult supervisor drinking, cursing and laughing with them all, they basically didn’t seem like they were qualified to be the tour guide.  After seeing the environment at the school and the students that she may be there with, she decided that she needed a little time as a Christian to really sure up her beliefs before testing them in that atmosphere.  I could not have been more proud of her.  After encouraging her to pray about it along with the college she wanted to attend, we allowed her to take her- what we soon found was called, a GAP YEAR.

GAP IN JUDGEMENT?

After hearing that Taylor was taking this GAP year, one teacher asked her if we, her parents were going to agree to that.  She was ‘concerned’ that Taylor wouldn’t go forward in schooling.  She asked if we, her parents- would want to support her without a job.  We both laughed when she told me.  Like we wouldn’t support our child (especially after we encouraged her to talk to God and get direction). 

Some people thought maybe it was my fault that she decided to do something so unusual.  I am basically a home girl, meaning stay at home!   They felt maybe my easygoing nature had finally rubbed off on her.  Maybe she would find a place to work and spend years there, like I did.  But no, Taylor still had a drive that I wouldn’t and couldn’t stop. 

Even though she made the decision and thought it out, at one time, she began to think maybe it was not a good idea!  That surprised me, but after hearing so many people’s opinions, maybe that was why.  So, she sat down and planned her year. She signed up for a Mission Trip, something she was not able to do when she was in high school.   She added volunteering and ministry work to her goals and even taught in our Children’s Church and helped with youth.  She joined the art ministry  and was part of a few presentations.  She applied for and got a job that wants her back every summer she comes home.  Not only did she make good friends on the job, she learned a lot about herself, customer service and how committed or lazy coworkers can be.  (Grownup coworkers)  She also took a finance class; this taught her about credit cards,  savings, paying off bills etc.  Something I never got after school.   Overall, that year set her up for her first year of college where the work load was crazy!  She learned to make decisions better, cope with her fellow students, and roommates. She has learned to persevere after not getting an internship that she applied for, but she continued to apply, was accepted this year and will be there this fall.  She has been on a mission trip to China and lived, ate and slept in the mountains with the natives.  Though she enjoyed the ministry opportunity, she came back with an appreciation for life and all that it offers.  So when thinking about her GAP year, I am glad she took time to decide something that gave her time to find herself, her purpose and her passion.

GAP YEAR IS NOT FOR EVERYONE

Even though this has proven to be a great decision for Taylor, I realize not everyone can do this.  Someone was quoted as saying GAP years are for immature kids who need more time to grow up. That might be true for some kids, but honestly, again you have to KNOW your child.  If your child is already immature, I wouldn’t recommend it if they don’t have a path to grow up or a plan for the year that can give instruction to help them mature.   To us the GAP year was because she WAS maturing.  She was able to look at where she was going, recover from the hard work from school, plan for the next steps and work to get finances and life skills that she would ultimately need and use once she got to college. As parents, the best thing we can do is to know our kids.  If we have not deposited in them responsibility and purpose, it won’t matter if they go to college the day after graduating, they may still lack some fundamental character skills to deal with life. 

FINAL THOUGHT

I am big on helping kids grow up.  The bible never uses the term “teenager” that is man-made.  The bible talks about a young child,  boy or girl, a young man/woman, or an old man/woman.  So if we are raising our children, when they are young boys and girls, we should be pointing them towards being a young man or young woman.  For each child it happens at a different pace, it happens when they show they can handle the next step.  So, give your children the benefit of the belief.  If you have put in them the ability to use wisdom  and choose well, let them!  Trying to manage their entire life only causes you to have a dependent that you can't use for your taxes!   

Teach your children to talk to God about their life, to trust that He has a plan for them, and then allow them to walk in it.  If they make mistakes, welcome to the world!  We all have, the biggest disappointment  and mistake is when we don’t learn from them. 

So I say “GO AHEAD Malia!  Enjoy this journey, this is your life.  So plan for it, prepare for it and conquer."
To Taylor I say, "Love you Chica, so proud of you and I'm  looking forward to all that God will do in and through you!"

Seeing Christ in Crisis

We woke up to the distant sound of thunder followed by cracks of lightning. For the next 10-12 hours we endured 9 emergency alerts, 3 tornado warnings, hail hitting our windows in the dark, huge amounts of rain bombarding the streets and a power outage that lasted 10 hours. The rain and wind were so ferocious that at one time, I watched the rain go sideways.  The trash can that was put out the night before, was in someone else’s yard, not sure who put it upright and brought it back to us in the early morning hours. (Thank you)  

 

The result:  Houston has experienced historic flooding.  Lives have been lost, property loss and hearts overwhelmed.  We have experienced these disasters before, but this one felt weird, almost unexpected.  Yes, we all heard that there would be severe thunderstorms and rain, chance of flooding….But I think when we get in the groove of life, we just expect each week to look a little like the last.   BUT….

This world is aching; it is waiting for all of this to be over.  Sin is a funny thing, it affects everything- our lives, our hearts… our world.  The earthquakes and droughts, tornados and extreme snow, heat, floods, all of this is a result of a hurting world.  This world is waiting for this time after the “fall” to be over.

CREATION IS GROANING!

For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.            Romans 8:22-25

 

 

I was talking to someone today as I got ready to combat the streets to get to work.  They told me when the rain first started; they began to pray because God has answered them before when it came to weather.  But God told him “I’m not going to answer this time, they need this”. 

Most of us could not imagine a God who says He loves us, not answering.  We can’t imagine that He would just sit on His throne and ALLOW us to go through this, again!   While talking to this man, his take away was that we become better versions of ourselves when we get out of ourselves.  When we see a crisis, we tend to become answers to problems, instead of creating them.  The images of community helping community will burn in our minds for a while.  (That is ….until we get past this and forget, then we are subject to start treating each other like enemies again.)   But somehow in the midst of tragedies, God can remind us that we actually care about these same people we talk about.  We actually have more in common than we have different.  We want to be loved, accepted, encouraged, and taken care of.  All of us want this.

I love the feeling of true community, especially when my family has changed so over the last few years.  My mom is gone, my stepfather gone, I'm single again, my kids are growing up and my dog is OLD!  But God has soooo many great people around… good people who I can care for and allow them to care for me.  That is how we can see Christ in Our Crisis… He is seen in our love for one another. 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                        So this storm will pass.  We will recover, we will note the day it happened.  News channels will remind us next year and show us the images again.  But hopefully, we will remember more the images of community, people reaching out to each other, neighbors who have never spoken, checking on each other.  Remember those who allowed someone to charge their phone, or when someone lit the BBQ grill with everyone in the neighborhood’s meat that was thawing due to power outages.  Sharing and loving. 

That is how Christ is seen in Crisis!  The real question is:  Can He be seen through you?

Are You a Knock Off? A Shopper's Guide to Dating!

Knock Offs!

My book, “A Shopper’s Guide to Dating” is not just about shopping, and dating.  In fact, it really stems from knowing and understanding your purpose.  If you don’t know who you are or why you are here, you are subject to allowing people and things in your life that minimizes the gift of YOU.   Knowing who you are allows you to not waste time seeking and dating people that don’t fit you, nor you them.  The book calls those trying to be something or someone else "Knock Offs".  Some people are unintentional, they just APPEAR to be something they are not, that is why time is needed to understand who someone is.  Those who intentionally try to change who they are to be and appear different, are the ones we are talking about today.  

In the book, we define ‘A knock off’ as  - a copy or imitation of someone or something popular; an item intended to look like something it is not.

Normally a knock off will never imitate something that is not popular or viewed as less valuable.  It only works as a knock off if the item being imitated seems to be of greater value.  Trying to be someone we are not is only tempting when we think less of ourselves and more of others.  Since everyone has value, it is daunting to try to compare us to merchandise, but humor me for a moment.  

The Shoe

If you are purposed to be an athletic shoe, you can work to be the best athletic shoe you can be!  Specially designed and crafted to help anyone who wears you and bring comfort and style at the same time.  But what would be rather silly, is for you –an athletic shoe to try to be a 5 inch beaded pump. NO matter how nice it looks, how much someone loves it and how much it costs, that is not what you were meant to be!  So why try to be something you are not? 

We do that when we don’t know the value of who we already are.  Yes, as an athletic shoe, I may never be worn to the Grammy’s, I may never walk the red carpets of life, but if I focus on who I am, I can still be valuable and benefit people where I am. I can be the shoe of choice in the Olympics; I can help a wounded soldier in the worst time of his life.   I can simply bring comfort and protection to someone who is working on being a better version of themselves.  I still have value, great value.

Being a Knock Off looks like trying to fit in where we don’t need to be.  Trying to connect with people that we think are more valuable than we are!  NO ONE is more valuable than you.  And you are no more valuable than anyone else!   The bible tells us that all members are needed in the body, no matter how small they are, they hold a function and purpose.  The arm can’t say that it does not need the leg, nor the ear says that it does not need the tongue.  We are all part of this great body, and all are valuable.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it like this:

“What I’m saying to you this morning, my friends, even if it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, go on out and sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures; sweep streets like Handel and Beethoven composed music; sweep streets like Shakespeare wrote poetry; (Go ahead) sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will have to pause and say, “Here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well.”  If you can’t be a pine on the top of a hill, be a scrub in the valley—but be the best little scrub on the side of the hill, be a bush if you can’t be a tree. If you can’t be a highway just be a trail if you can’t be the sun be a star; It isn’t by size that you win or fail— be the best of whatever you are. And when you do this, when you do this, you’ve mastered the length of life.”

Bottom line:  When you look for someone to spend your life with, you should know who you are before you begin adding and taking away from who you are.  Grant others the same benefit of being who they are.

 

#wisdomspeakstoday

Shopper's Guide for Men: Survey Results

shoppers guide for men

Survey Results

(book excerpt)

We assume that men don’t like shopping, but that assumption is not really true. It may be they don’t like shopping with women or shopping like women shop! But there are many men who love to shop. In fact, some are ALWAYS shopping.   

Men and Comfort

Most men are not trying to be uncomfortable just to look good, (unlike women with our shoes). When they shop, comfort is in the back of their mind. A shirt collar that is too tight, shoes that hurt, or pants that don’t fit right do not work for most men. They are not typically trying to just look good at any cost. So if he connects with a woman and it gets uncomfortable, meaning there is too much drama to deal with her, they tend to think in terms of refunds. There are some men who will try to avoid the inconvenience and drama of refunds by keeping their purchase while looking for something/someone to replace it.

Men and Refunds

If a man realizes something does not work for him, he WILL refund. If something does not deliver what he wants, if he can’t do anything with it or it does not do what it is supposed to do, he will refund. It might take him a while to decide to end a relationship, and unfortunately, he may window shop at the same time he is thinking. This often causes a lot of confusion as if the window shopping made him make the decision, but it was probably more than that. The White Socks man (note: description earlier in the book) does not like anything about shopping. Since it takes him so long to decide and to venture into the shopping arena, he is the most likely to keep his purchases. For dating, he might be the man who stays in a relationship even though he is not happy. (Women, don’t take advantage of this man if you get one. Make him happy, and he may be the most loyal of all.) 

A Shopper's Guide to Dating: for Men and Women

 by Jacqui Hill Goudeau

 www.wisdomspeakstoday.com (get your copy today)

A Shopper's Guide to Dating!

SHOPPING...

"My earliest memory of shopping was in my mother’s catalogs. Popular department stores like Sears and JC Penney’s mailed catalogs to customers’ homes. There was no such thing as online shopping, so this was the closest thing to it. 

My sisters and I would sit and look through every page of each catalog and say, “That is mine...” “That is yours...” “That’s mine...” (of course, claiming the best-looking items for ourselves.) We played this game with clothing, furniture, household items, and even the men! “That’s your husband…” “That’s mine…” 

At such an early age, we were already learning to “shop” or basically mold our minds to determine our likes and dislikes. No one was really dating- that wouldn’t come for years, but we were learning to “shop.” Newspapers back in that day were simple black and white publications, but the catalogs were colorful and full of clothes that were stylish, and everyone looked happy and rich! 

Our minds were unwittingly moving away from simple, informative, or meaningful things and drawn to the flashy, stylish, and popular. We would turn page after page looking at the skillfully placed models in their perfectly planned attire. Of course, we were kids, we had no money, no job… we weren’t buying anything. But we had the ability to dream way beyond our means!"     Excerpt from "A Shopper's Guide to Dating" 

A Shopper's Guide to Dating is about to be launched! 

You can pre-order your copy or you can buy a ticket to:

A Shopper's Guide to Dating Book Launch 

Thursday, February 11th 
6:30 pm - 9pm 

  Hosted by Jillian "JJ on the Mic" Simmons! 

• Preorders:  www.wisdomspeakstoday.com 
• Book Launch tickets & book: www.ashoppersguidetodating.com  

The book launch will be held at Dao Chloe Dao (Boutique) 6127 Kirby DriveHouston- Rice Village. Join us for fun, refreshments, Speed Dating, and insight into improving our relationships!

Resuscitating Our Kids:#3 Teaching Gratefulness

Teaching Gratefulness

If you have ever heard me speak about children before, then you already know that this Blog title is bogus.  Why?  Because I have said for years that gratefulness cannot be taught, it has to be experienced.

I heard a story some time ago about a woman who was looking for legal help in getting her 24-year-old daughter out of her house.  She loved her child but realized that she was not doing anything to better her life and, in fact, was bringing drama to parent’s life.  She lived in a room where she wouldn’t clean anything. Under her bed were leftover food and dirty clothes.  She had no goals and when asked to get up and help around the house, she simply said, “I didn’t ask to be born, you brought me here… you handle it.”  We live in a world where many have been bombarded with a ‘spirit of entitlement’.  

You may ask ... “How do we deal with the ‘spirit of entitlement’ with our kids?”  Well, one of the best ways to battle entitlement is with gratefulness.  We somehow have to let our kids know what it is to be grateful.  The only problem is gratefulness is not what you do, it is a state of being.  It can’t be taught so how do we get our kids to experience it?

Some ways we do this is by:

• ·      Not giving them everything they ask for
• ·      Allowing them to work towards goals for things they want
• ·      Teach them the value of work and money
• ·      Open a savings account and have them keep track of it
• ·      Have them participate in volunteer work
• ·      Visit places where others are hurting or lack basic needs
• ·      Help them count their blessings:  Remind them of what they enjoy daily

 Years ago, we took children on an outing with our Nursing Home ministry.  Not only did we give them the speech about respecting the resident’s property we made them aware of the smells, and sights that might not be the best.  But we also let them know that some of the residents were parents and grandparents who may not get a visit from their families very often.

It was amazing to see how the hearts of those children were touched.  The kids were respectful, never complained about the various aromas, they were kind and soft spoken during our visit. Being able to go home to a warm house and sit with family meant more to them that night.

Gratefulness is not learned, it is experienced.  It comes from seeing life when it is less than desirable, then looking at yourself.  When you see how your life COULD have been and realize that it isn’t that, It helps to generate gratefulness. 

This season, remind your kids about all those who don’t have what they do. It might be simple things like family or a roof, food on the table or perhaps even the gifts.  Gratefulness is one of the best ways to battle entitlement.  Let’s try to be more grateful and help our children be the same.