Relationships: "Fighting Responsibly!"

Not everything that looks like a fight- is a fight.

In our subdivision we have ducks, these ducks have a designated pond with wild bushes to play, feed, and sleep in.  Somehow these ducks like to wander, they may show up in  a driveway, they may even lay eggs in the flower beds.  At first it was interesting to watch them, but now it is just normal.   On my way to work one morning as I pulled out of the driveway, I noticed about four or five ducks waddling across the street. It was unusual to see that many, so I made a mental note to pay attention once I got out of the garage in case some were on our side of the street.  This was early morning so the middle school kids were at the bus stop.  All of a sudden the kids began running towards the ducks and stomping their feet yelling "Hey.... Hey... Stop!"   I stopped my car and looked.  It didn't take me long to realize that what the children thought they saw was not what was happening.  I rolled my window down just as they reached the ducks and yelled to the kids "They are not FIGHTING!"  The kids stopped and stared at me with  confused looks on their faces.  About that time an older kid behind them with his camera phone chimed in... "They are mating!"  With that, I rolled my window up, and pulled away as the bus came around the corner... just in time.  

I admit I laughed a bit at the innocence these kids had to step in to break up a duck fight.   I headed down the street wondering how those kids were feeling as the bus passed their ducks, and as usual, I got to thinking...

Everything that looks like a fight is not a fight. 

FIGHT WITH LOVE IN MIND

We know those ducks were not fighting,  but their process sure looked like it. In our relationships we have to know how to fight responsibly.  Even if everyone looking from the outside thinks we are fighting, we have to  know that the process is much more than that. Not everything we disagree on has to end with harsh words or someone getting hurt.  In fact most of our fighting topics should not even be given the power to mess us up.  

When we fight or disagree, it should  be with love in mind- not winning, not proving someone else wrong.  We should consider the person we are engaging and realize that if we genuinely LOVE them, how we talk to them, when we talk to them, and how we handle them, should be driven by love.  Since relationship are more than romantic, if by chance you are about to engage someone you do not 'love', then back away.... go to God and approach them in HIS love.  Either way, whether you like them or not, fight with love as the center. 

EVERY FIGHT SHOULD PRODUCE

Another thing to do to fight responsibly is to know that if we are going to engage in a discussion, a disagreement or anything else, there has to be an end in mind.  Having disagreements should not be just to ruin your day or anyone else's, nor just to prove a point.  If you don't know what you want the end results to be, or what good can come of it, stay away until you have a desired end- one that is mutually beneficial and glorifies God.  I understand that you cannot control the other person's response, but you can work on yours.  Those ducks were about to engage in what looked like a fight, but the end result was going to be productive.  Your fight should result in life for your relationships, understanding, and in some cases ... even fun.

ALLOW FOR THE FUN!

Have you ever been in a verbal battle with someone and all of a sudden in the midst of trying to explain a point one of you said something that made NO sense at all?  I mean... NO SENSE, and both of you knew it immediately!  I have done that before and I looked at the person, they looked at me and we both burst out laughing!  At that point, the fight was really over. We couldn't go back to the point we were pushing to make because JOY stepped in.  We can still talk some of it out, but the pressure that was building was gone. Let it go realizing there is still joy in the midst of what is wrong.  When joy shows up, learn to capture it!  None of us are perfect, and sometimes we are trying so hard to be right that we are just wrong.  Instead of making that the new argument, take the break... laugh!

DON'T FIGHT THE FRICTION

Understand that any time we are in a relationship with people, we will have disagreements, we will have opportunities to be challenged, upset or just plain mad.  When it looks like you are fighting to others, they may discount your relationship and try to give you tips to help you stop fighting or  offer tips to ensure you win.   I encourage you to not fight the friction in relationships, in itself it is not bad, friction can help us grow.  Just like iron sharpens iron, we can be a help to each other; we can grow and learn lessons that help us deal with  life.  Who better to learn from than the ones you love?  In this life, fight responsibly knowing that if we handle our fights right, we all can benefit, and ultimately God can still get the glory.