Forgive and Forget It...(Not Happening!)

We have often been told that to effectively forgive in a way that pleases God, we have to also forget the infraction.  That sounds really spiritual, but it is Not Happening!  Jesus has the ability and capacity to forgive and forget.  That was never really given to us as a requirement.

I recall a woman who was molested for much of her childhood.  After going through that and two pregnancies from her father that ended with either miscarriages or the baby dying after a few days, she found herself living a life of promiscuity.   This lasted for quite a while.  She was in and out of two marriages until the day she met Jesus in an intimate church service.  After learning about God’s love for her and His plans for her life, she realized her past was the fault of not just the enemy, but a father who was being used by that same enemy.   Her pain was not her fault. This put her on a liberating path to love God, forgive others and serve in her local church.  

In her attempt to live for God and please Him, she found herself listening to people she respected, that told her she should forgive and forget about her past. She found that to be much easier said than done. In trying to honor this new LAW, this now older adult, married with children, decided to take drastic measures to prove her love for God, and her ability to forgive.  So she moved her aging father in her home to assist him.

Many of you are appalled by her actions; many of you are applauding her actions. 

Which is right?

Forgiveness is not evident by outward actions.  Just because I invite you in my home, does not mean I have forgiven you.  Just because I embrace you at a family gathering, does not mean we are good. In fact, I can do all of these things and still have a place in my heart that hates you.  If I have not really forgiven you, any incident, reminder or even a flashback- can pull those vile emotions to the forefront, and there we go.

It is wrong to jump into someone’s life and tell them how they have not forgiven or what steps they have to do to prove they have.  The woman we just spoke of had settled in her mind that she was forgiving her father, she was working inwardly to do that until someone suggested she had to prove it.  The next few years were filled with turmoil in her home; fights between her and her husband, suspicions with her father and her young daughters, drama on every hand.  She had moments of depression that she had not felt in such a long time, things she thought were buried in forgiveness and gone, resurfaced.  What was hoped to be a happy family living in forgiveness, turned into a second hell she had to live through... again.

WHAT FORGIVING LOOKS LIKE

Matthew 6:15

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Years ago, this scripture totally changed how I saw things and people who have done me wrongfully.

When I read this, it changed my life. Since that day, I realized that I did not want to give people power over how a part of my relationship with God went.  I could decide to not forgive people and possibly leave myself open to being left the same way by God. UNFORGIVEN.   

That turned my heart and head towards God!   I made up in my mind that forgiveness was going to be part of my life.   I thought of the absolute WORST thing someone could do to me,  that would make it difficult to forgive, and then began conditioning my mind to be able to forgive someone if they did that.  Since then, no one has done THAT thing, so everything else is easier. 

This worked for me when it came to some of the unnecessary, hurtful things that have been done to me in my 50+ years.  But today, I can honestly say, there is not anyone I don’t want to see in Heaven!  There is no one that I am holding a grudge against and feel God needs to ‘get them’.  I am free, because I release others.  Have I forgotten what has been done?  NO, but it does not affect me in a way that calls for restitution or revenge.

 

 

HOW DO I KNOW?
 

You know you have forgiven someone when you no longer have the urge for recompense that normally accompanies your thoughts about the incident.  You may recall the hurt and pain for a moment, but something else kicks in that makes it easier to bear.  Forgiveness does not take all pain away, but it effectively soothes what was there and turns it into something else.

Forgiveness is an inward resolve, not necessarily an outward action.  It does not mean that you don’t hold someone responsible for their act, just that you no longer are pressing for God to get them for their actions.  You have almost acknowledged the frailty of all humanity, and know that in God’s hand, we can all be better.  We have that choice, and we are choosing to allow someone to be placed in God’s hands for the better.

 

 

BENEFITS OF NOT FORGETTING
 

We know that forgiving is not always forgetting.  In fact I would dare to say… it is NEVER forgetting.  You should not spend your time trying to forget.  The main benefit of not forgetting the wrongs done to you, is that in your freedom from it, there is a platform built for you to assist others.  

The more you release things, the easier it is to talk about it.  The easier it is to talk about it, the easier the anointing flows to bless others. Every trial or test you have lived through can be part of you helping someone else.  I think of people who have lost loved ones to senseless violence.  I admire those who put on a new hat and decide to vindicate their loved ones by ensuring this does not happen to anyone else.  America’s Most Wanted was launched on the tail of a horrible crime.  People have built Hospitals and given scholarships after the loss of someone dear to them.   What is hurting you today? It might be as simple as a relationship that has ended in the midst of infidelity, or a person who wrongfully had you fired or even someone who has hurt someone close to you.  Regardless to the reason, forgiving is not impossible.  It is a choice.  A choice of the heart.
 

1 Corinthians 10:13

 No temptation has overtaken you except such is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptations will also make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 

 

I taught a message once called "A Typical Trial".  This message dealt with this scripture.  There is not anything in this world that you go through that someone else has not encountered.  The details may be different, but the issue much the same.  A Typical Trial.  The only thing that makes you stand out, is how you handle it.  You can choose to rise above the common responses and have a God response.  You can choose to forgive, to pray for the afflicters, and you can choose to allow incidents to build you instead of break you.  The choice is yours. 

 

 

TIPS TO HELP:

 

 

One of the best ways to help in forgiving someone, is to pray for them. 

It is hard to continue holding negative thoughts for those you genuinely pray for.  The prayer should not be “Lord, let them see the error of their wicked ways.  Teach them to be nicer to me and stop all their money from flowing until they get a clue.” 

God does not hear or answer that type of prayer!   Maybe try this:

A PRAYER TO HELP

 

 

Father God,

I thank You for     (the person(s) that hurt you) .  Thank You for caring about them as You care about me.  Lord, I know You have a plan for them, help them to walk in it.  Surround them with good people that will remind them of Your word and Your purpose for their life.  I come against the enemy that wants to divide them and cause them to miss You.  I choose to release them from any harm they have intended towards me.  I receive the good that You always release in the midst of bad.  I pray that they too will walk in Your grace and favor.  Allow them to know You in a way that would not have been possible before.  I love You and give You glory for caring about all of Your children, and for causing all things to work together for both of our good.  I trust You to care for them as You do me.  I thank You for hearing and answering our prayers, in Jesus name, amen.

Be encouraged knowing that this part of your life is in His hands.  Never give anyone else the ability to change your relationship with God.  Living in unforgiveness gives others power to limit what God can do in you, and what you can do for others.  So even if you don't FORGET IT..... FORGIVE IT!