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| You Only Get One Mother |
You may have had someone who helped raise you or even actually raised you. But you really only have one mother. Not everyone has a good memory of their mom. I have great memories of mine. Not every memory is fluffy and sweet, I also remember some of the hard things she taught us. But somehow after she passed I seemed to get more clarity and understanding concerning a number of many lessons I had the great privilege of being taught. Many lessons that didn't happened face to face.
It's been 5 years now, and I'm still implementing things she taught me. The funny thing is that these lessons came after she died. I noticed how she managed her finances, how she took care of various family members. Her check book was filled with evidence of her heart towards many people, some I didn't even know. The memo in her check book simply said 'GIFT' or "HELP". Because of her, I have learned to value people. That lesson came from seeing so many people who knew her in a way that her children didn't, but they all had a part of her that she chose to share.
It was not until she passed away that I realized that I am somewhat in control of some things and need to plan, do better. I only got one mother, and my kids only get one too. So there are lessons that I want them to discover not just now, but also when I am gone.
Whether you had a good or bad experience in your childhood, plan to give your kids gifts they cannot break; lessons that follow them long after you are gone. Below are a few things I learned from my mother about life, after her death:
FAMILY
Love your children and love your family. You don't have to agree with them, but be sure they know you care. When you can, help them, if you can't because of lifestyle issues or you don't have it to help, it is okay. Just be sure they still know you love them. Teach your kids about life and death. Help them understand what they will need to be successful with or without your help. Teach them to work and to have values and standards in their life. Expect great things from them. When it is all said and done, they may remember how hard you were, but they will also be able to say without a doubt, that you are missed, and they knew you loved them.
FINANCES
Do not leave this earth unprepared! Some think that preparing a will means you are dying next week. That is foolish, but what if you do die next week and don't have one? That is the real fear. Taking time to prepare helps the family work together towards the same goal when you are gone. Being fair and honest about what you want and where you want things to go. Talking ahead of time so family is not left wondering if you were coerced at the last minute helps. Take time to do things that help put your finances in order before you leave this earth. Pay off your bills, keep your credit decent, consider a P.O.D. (Payable On Death) with your bank along with payoff insurance for vehicles or credit cards. Be aware if you put anyone on an account with you, when you pass, that money defaults to them. They are not required by law to share, divide it amongst the family, or use it to pay bills. A priority is having life insurance and a legal will with your desires for your burial and property. An "In the Event Of" folder can hold a list of your current bank accounts, credit cards, insurance policies, as well as any social media passwords. Overall you want your family to be informed. Encourage conversation not because you are planning to die, but because one day unless you are raptured... you will.
FRIENDS
The bible says that to have friends you must first show yourself friendly. It was such a blessing to see how many friends, known and unknown to us that loved our mother. Many of them were there for her services, they called, offered to feed us, drive us and so much more, all because we were her kids. She had so many people on her handwritten Christmas Card list! We made efforts to follow up on them after she passed and today we still get cards from them on occasion, because we are her kids.
The lesson I learned is to be friendly! When you are gone, people will remember how you made them feel. You never know who will be there on your behalf to bless your kids long after you are gone. Your family is often extended by your friendships.
FAITH
Growing up we knew our mother was not the most religious person. Not just because of the shoe that whizzed past your head in a moment of anger. But as the years went by, she always recalled the faith of her mother... our grandmother- Mama Tansy. In her latter years, she drew much closer to God. She was a great supporter at her church and was loved. I had an 'Aha" moment one evening while sorting through her belongings. I ran across a test she took at church. She must have been part of a bible study that gave the participants a test after completion. There was so much that she wrote on there that let me know this was not an easy test, but she passed it! I love the thought of my mother studying the scriptures and answering questions about it. We didn't know that lady growing up, but we are thankful that God answers prayers and does not forget our loved ones! Somehow the faith of our grandmother followed her, and when our mother died, she and all of her children were Christians.
Have a faith you can point your kids to. We understand that we are not the standard, God's word is, but if you give them something that is sure to outlive you, you can rest assured that they have something to hold onto in your absence.
FINAL WORDS
No matter how much we try to avoid the thought, death happens. The best way to deal with it is to prepare for it. Prepare by treating people right, handling your finances, loving your family and friends and putting things in order to assist those who are left behind to make decisions when you are gone.
Over all, the best preparation comes in knowing God. Preparing to meet Him when you leave this place. Some people still think that day is somehow still far away, ... but truthfully.... do we really know? Do you know what to expect? None of us really do. Faith keeps us in a place that at least we have done well by people and have tried to please God. Our faith in God pleases Him, trust Him with your tomorrow.
Resources:
Departed Friends~ Good Grief by Jacqui Hill Goudeau (available on Amazon or Kindle)
www.wisdomspeakstoday.com
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