The news yesterday included this breaking story; 'A man shoots and killed his neighbor'. We are often hit with news like this and it is often not clear why. In this instance, some said it had to do with her dogs, others say she helped his estranged wife. The news only tells us what they hear, But I often wonder what goes on in the mind of a person who makes such a quick yet lasting decision. I thought and prayed for both families this morning, the spouses, children, family and friends on both sides.
Decisions can be deceptive. They can tell you in a moment- 'this is what I want'. But in the moments afterwards, we realize it is the furthest from what we wanted. If we could take the time to really think before we make these decisions, we would realize it may not be giving us what we ultimately want. A person who is fighting over custody of children and decides to harm the other person, where will you be and where will the children be? Who has custody now?
I once intervened for a woman who was very distraught about having lost custody of her daughter. She was so upset that when they came to get me, she was threatening suicide. Everyone who heard her was upset and ran for help. When I entered the room, I sent everyone out because I knew that they would not understand my next actions. I told her to stop crying and look at me. I asked her what it was that was hurting her so. She told me her daughter was taken from her, not because of anything she did, but she was kind of tricked into giving her away. I asked her what she wanted most, and her answer was for her daughter to be with her. My next question is what we should all ask ourselves before making a permanent decision:
"Is what you are deciding going to help or hurt you in reaching your ultimate goal?"
Her tears stopped and when she looked up at me, I continued,
"If you kill yourself, the battle is decided. You will NEVER get custody, you will NEVER see her again and whoever has her, keeps her." But then we went a little further... "Or, you do not kill yourself but everyone heard you say you would. If you get a chance to get her back and you need character witness or people who can testify on your behalf... all these women outside who are hurting for you cannot testify that you appear sound in judgment. You have made a decision that can follow you, simply by threatening suicide." (disclaimer: I had prior knowledge that she was not really suicidal, but was just in an emotional moment that went too far)
After urging her to do what is necessary to get her life together. We went on to talk about the things she needs to do to get what she ultimately wants. I will say today, years after that, this same woman is enjoying her family, much better and helping others. DECISIONS, DECISIONS.
Don't make permanent decisions in temporary situations.
DAVID
2 Samuel 11
All decisions we make have some type of affect. If you recall in the bible David on one hand made a momentary decision to sleep with Bathsheba and it had lasting effects on his reign as king. He tried to cover up his wrong after she got pregnant by trying to get her husband, Uriah, to sleep with his wife so they could pretend the child was his. It didn't' work, Uriah was at war and more connected to those in the battle, didn't feel it was right to enjoy his wife while their lives were on the line. After many tries, David simply had him placed at the frontline and killed. As a result the child was lost, and his kingdom was compromised. Decisions, Decisions.
1 Samuel 25
Another time David was about to attack Nabal (His name means Fool) because he was rude and extremely disrespectful when his men inquired about supplies. But Nabal's wife, Abigail stepped in. When she heard David was going to attach him, she sent them food and provisions and reminded David that he was God's chosen man to rule and he should not get unnecessary blood on his hand. She wisely reminded him that he couldn't afford to act like God could not deal with his enemies. He had a future.
The lesson in this: Don't allow a 'Fool' to make you decide something you have to live with.
TIPS TO AVOID BAD PERMANENT DECISIONS
This world is temporary. Every decision we make that deals directly with this world is temporary but we have to live through the consequences of making them. The most permanent decision we will ever make deals with eternity. Here are a few tips for both:
THIS WORLD
- Surround yourself with good people who will give you sound counsel. There is safety there.
- Understand your purpose! If you know where you are going, you can know which roads don't lead there.
- Remember your dreams, the things that mean a lot to you, the people that mean a lot to you. When you make decisions, also think about how they affect them.
- Pray! God gives us direction and if we "Be Still" we can make better decisions.
- Try to avoid circumstances early. The bible says to agree with your adversary. Learn to make peace with people that you have to deal with. If you have a peaceful demeanor, you may be less likely to provoke a fight.
- Take your time. If you don't feel good about something. Move away for a time to think and to ask questions. Decisions made in a hurry bring anxiety.
NEXT WORLD
- Knowing Jesus and accepting Him is the BEST decision we will ever make. From there every good and perfect thing flows. Does not mean your life will be perfect, but God will give you grace and favor in all things.
- Don't allow others to turn you from God- if you have been hurt by a church, find another one and be still. Get past that, it is temporary. They will be judged for what they have done, but so will you.
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