Mother's Day Without Mom

What a great occasion to celebrate the woman 

God used to give us life!

Many of us are running, visiting, flying and purchasing various tokens to ensure that the woman we love and respect will be honored this Mother’s Day.  And we should!  For the nine months she carried you... NO CHARGE!

But what about when the memory is not the best? Or worse yet, they are no longer here...  How do we acknowledge Mother’s Day?

 

NOT THE BEST: First, let’s be honest.  Not all of us have wonderful memories or stories to tell.  Some may still not know where mom is or may have questions about why she was not there to give the care and love that it looks like everyone else is celebrating.  And if she was there, we may still be secretly wishing she hadn’t been.  There could have been abuse and hurtful situations that we are still trying to overcome.  Maybe our life would have been better if someone else was more involved than she was.  Then there is the bible verse that tells us to honor our mother and father….

In these instances, I often encourage people to give honor where honor is due.  God is not expecting us to lie.  If someone was not there, abuse was the norm or other situations happened that were less than honorable, honor them because God used them to get you here.  Sometimes situations happen and people make choices that may have nothing to do with you.  Their own pain or dysfunction might cause them to be less than God intended and their inability to admit they need or find true help, may leave them exactly where they were.  Not your fault, you were just there.  Don't focus on the negative that you can't change, don't let it consume your mind or conversations.  Instead thank God for at least being here, that you were not the product of abortion, which means that God’s purpose is still alive in you!  Be open to or find mentors and people for your life that can fill the gaps.   If you know a child that is in a similar situation, be there for them.  Be what you needed and God will give you what you missed.

MY MOM IS NOT HERE:  Then there is the difficulty during Mother’s Day when mom is no longer here.  How can you really celebrate with others when your heart is so broken?  I can tell you to follow the bible and rejoice with those that rejoice… and that would be scriptural and all, but let me tell you what I did the first few years after my mother passed:

I found someone to honor in her name.  The first year it was difficult, there was not another woman I could see that I thought was ‘worthy’ of honoring in her name.  Sad to say, but true.  So the first year I purchased flowers for a mom I didn’t even know, my new neighbor’s mother.  She was so excited and appreciative that it kind of threw me.  The next year was easier, almost like paying if forward.  Looking for a mother to honor and bless made me notice the great attributes in others that I always saw in my mother. 

That helped me for the first years, then I found if I really wanted to honor my mother, I have to live well.  I should have the attributes that she had (the good ones) evident in my life.  I become the legacy of her name, her values and her teaching in our home.  If I really want to honor her, I should fulfill my purpose like she did.   So I put things in place to handle my children well, my finances, my household and my job.  All the things I saw in my mother should now live in me. 

 The bible says “The memory of the just is blessed” Proverbs 10:7 

Many times we think that has to do with our actual memory as in our ability to recall things, but if you read through it is dealing with how people recall YOU. ..If you are just.  So it is good to recall a mother that has served God and her family well.  Her memory should be a blessing. 

 

 

So now when Mother’s Day approaches, I see it three fold.  I celebrate joyfully this life I have and the great purpose that is in front of me.  I celebrate this opportunity to acknowledge the great mother that I had who taught me things that I am still implementing in my life.  And I celebrate the great mother that I have the ability to be to my children and others in my life… all because of God's grace and because He gave me her.

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Enjoy Yourself!

I was simply talking with an old friend and in the middle of the conversation, they broke out into an uncontrollable laugh at something.  Not something I said, but something they said. Normally this takes me a while to get used to.  If you are telling the joke, you should have already gotten some of the laughs out of your system so we can enjoy the punch line.  But this was not that kind of laugh.  There was no joke, and no punch line, they were really ‘enjoying themselves’…. not at my expense, just enjoying themselves in our conversation.

My friend was not concerned about me at all.  If fact, the more I questioned how much they were enjoying their own conversation, the harder they laughed!  I finally said, “You are really enjoying yourself, aren't you?"    They looked at me and said “Yes, yes I am!”  NO shame at all… just fun! 


As usual, this made me think.  How much of our life’s joy depends on the responses of others?  We are social people, so we love having good times with others, but how often do we wait to see who likes a post before we do?  How many times do we look around the room to see if anyone else is enjoying the preacher’s teaching as much as we are?  Maybe, just a simple movie that you really got a kick out of and almost didn’t go to because you heard it was not that good? 

What I got out of that simple encounter was this….If I don’t enjoy myself, I won’t really enjoy anyone else to the extent I could.  If I don’t enjoy my own company, no one else will make my time worth it.  If I don’t enjoy my own personal jokes, why wait for someone else to laugh?  If I don’t love ME… why expect others to?

Matthew 22:39 says 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'

After that conversation, I made a commitment to ME.  I am going to enjoy myself; enjoy my life, enjoy my purpose, enjoy being a Christian and enjoy the great people God allows me to encounter!  I don’t have to wait for anyone to get on board.  No waiting to see if you are compatible with me, I am compatible with me.  My purpose is compatible with me. Everyone else gets to see me enjoying this wonderful life God has blessed me with! 

So I encourage you today, remember you only have one life to live on this earth.  You are your own best or worst ~constant company.  Make a commitment to yourself that regardless to what this world throws at you or who is on your side or not,   come rain or shine,

Enjoy Yourself!  

Jesus Death and Resurrection: Payment and Proof

Think about it… we were sinners.  

Death was the only payment for sin. 

Someone had to die.

By all fairness and justice, it should have been us. 

The ones who sinned. 

Not an innocent man. 

God.

During this time of year, we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  

Yes, celebrate death which paid for our sins, but why is the resurrection so important? 

What does it have to do with payment for our sins? 

Well, actually... Nothing.

Based on scripture, without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sins.  Since Jesus shed His blood for us, in death, our sins were taken care of, right?  

So what is the big deal about Resurrection?

I read just the other day about another man who was released after serving many years for a crime that now they realize he didn’t commit. That is not the first time, and it won’t be the last.   When I look at the stories telling of their fight to prove their innocence and the small group of people that believed in them, I always wondered; when you finally win, finally convince someone of your innocence, how do you could come back from that?

Our judicial system has really made some serious mistakes.  The kind you can't take back. 

How do you really feel free when you have lost so much that you will never get back?  You are behind in life, behind in the times, and behind in how people will view you. Loved ones have grown older, children now have children and no amount of money can ever give that back to you.  And if by chance you are one of the unfortunate ones that have been convicted and are executed wrongfully, well…. they may never really admit it.  Money to your family is not enough.

You can never give someone back their life.  Or can you?

The soul that sins, it should die.

Here we see Jesus, the Son of God who died not because of His own sin, but because of ours.  He was wrongfully crucified and killed.*  God knew He was innocent but allowed Him to die anyway because of the actual sin that was placed on Him.  Then as only God can do, after the penalty of sin was paid… God gave Him back His life!  He gave it back because it was unlawful to take the life of an innocent man. 

What we celebrate in resurrection is the fact that God gave Jesus back His life because He was not the one that sinned. Resurrection proves that Jesus was innocent, it proved that He was really a lamb without spot or blemish.  He was a sacrifice that could be slain on our behalf.  If Jesus would have stayed in the tomb, it would have meant or looked like He paid for His own sin; that He was legally guilty before God who is the Ultimate Judge.  Unlike our judicial system that cannot give you back what you lose after being wrongly accused, God can and God did.

When Jesus rose from the dead He did it with a great penalty already paid.  His outstanding payment was now open to be transferred to someone who actually needed it.  He chose me, you and anyone else who will receive it by faith.

So this resurrection and every day, I celebrate Jesus.  I celebrate His death, burial and yes especially resurrection.  I have a right by faith to accept the payment that was already made for me.  And you have the opportunity to accept it too.  Yes, His death was the payment, but His resurrection was the proof.

As a side note: Realize God will never let you take a hit for someone else and not bless you and them in the midst of it all.   He is able to touch those that you are called to sacrifice for, but He will also restore life to you at the same time.  That is the kind of God we serve!

*He willingly laid His life down for us!

Just Keep Listening!

I was recently listening to a woman give her testimony.  I had never heard it before, so I sat attentively listening to every word. Many times a person’s testimony will give you greater insight into the price paid for their anointing or even help you understand the passion behind their purpose.  Only problem was, within the first three minutes of her testimony, she lost me.  She didn’t lose me because I was in judgment of her, or because I was not understanding what she said, She lost me because it began to sound like one of the worst trials of my life to date.  Everything she said cut me like a knife and I could feel tears burning at the rim of my eyes.  I began breathing deeply to maintain my oxygen levels, something I had not had to do since we buried my mother.   Fidgeting in my seat, I told myself, maybe this was a good time to visit the bathroom or maybe tip out for the evening.  It was almost too much. But I could hear my spirit softly saying:   "Just keep listening."

Reluctantly, I obeyed and kept listening.  Within three more minutes, I was overwhelmed by God’s amazing grace. I was reminded of the way He takes the brokenness of our lives and turns things around for our good and His glory.  I was not only blessed by her candid testimony, but I was also changed in how I listen.  I realize that her testimony- though not pretty at all- has made her who she is today.  It has molded her into a strong, vibrant, anointed woman!  All I had to do to understand and benefit from her testimony was to Keep Listening. 

Today I would like to encourage you to do the same.

Keep listening to your Children- Sometimes our kids can talk about everything and anything. I know mine can!   It is easy to nod our heads and give an occasional grunt to make them think we hear them.  But these conversations you allow them to have will train your ear to hear when they are hurting.  It will train them to know they can trust you when they have life altering questions or decisions to make.  No matter how much it seems like it is just chatter, as they grow up they will realize they have always had a listening ear- yours! So even when you don't like what you hear, … Just Keep Listening.

Keep Listening to Your Spouse- The funny thing about being in a relationship is that after a while we can get very familiar with them.  Soon you can guess what they are thinking, you may be able to finish their sentences or may even just make decisions without their knowledge- knowing they will not be concerned.  But people change!  Ask anyone who has been married for a length of time.  You have to be able to change with them, at least acknowledge the change.  If you can't do that, you may find yourself living with a stranger that you were once very intimate with.  Listening as a couple requires talking as a couple.  You can’t hear what is not being said, but when it is said even past the immediate conversation… Keep listening.

Keep listening to God!  Have you ever prayed for something thinking God was going to answer you quickly? It can be rather discouraging, especially if you had a self-made deadline for Him to keep! Well as difficult as it may seem, God does not always answer us the way we think He should.  Many times He just wants our attention, He wants us to acknowledge Him in all our ways, not just the one thing that we want from Him.   He wants our attention on Him and His desire and purpose for us.  He basically wants us in a vibrant relationship with HIM!    If you are still trying to get God to answer you quickly, He may not… but don’t give up, keep talking to Him, continue trusting Him and by all means…..  Just Keep Listening!   

Broken Pieces

The glass set had been in our family for years!  Not sure how many, but I remember seeing it when we were very young. Don’t know even where it came from, but it along with other priceless pieces were not uncovered until my parent’s death.  While cleaning the house for the last time, we discovered so many interesting pieces that our parents collected during their travels over the years.  Among those pieces was that glass set. The top of each glass was lined with gold and the body of each were decorated with gold leaf. The set included two distinct rounded vase drinking glasses, and two equally distinctive water glasses, a pitcher and a glass tea diffuser with the same look.  While distributing our parent’s estate, I was now the proud owner of the Gold Leaf Set!  I took extra care packing and unpacking these memorable treasures.  Each piece found a home in my kitchen under my watchful eye.....until that day.

I was reaching for a crystal bowl when it happened.  Still not sure what I did, but before I knew it, the delicate pitcher fell and broke into pieces.  My heart sank. I immediately thought of my mom and my dad (DJ) who was in charge of moving her delicate pieces because of the extra care he always gave them.  Although he was a tall, robust man, for over 40 years he handled her much like he handled her precious pieces… with thought and care.  

Now after only 2 years in my care, I am sitting on the floor looking at Broken Pieces.

Have you ever been there in your life?  You take special care of things that mean a lot to you just to find in a moment it is gone?  What could you have done differently?  What did you miss?  Maybe you should not have been trusted with it in the first place.  Or maybe someone else should not have been trusted with you?  After all, you may be the one broken.

This is the Super Spiritual Answer I got moments after by break.  “Clean it up.”

Yes, that was it….See we have a choice in how we deal with Broken Pieces.

We can sit in the midst of the broken pieces and cry, realizing what we have lost.

We can call those who know the value of the piece lost and allow them to cry with us. 

We can invite others over for a visit so we can show them the pieces for themselves

We can hold conversations with people trying to explaining how it happened and was not our intent.

We can hold someone else responsible for not helping us avoid the break.

We can try to convince ourselves that with a little glue, we can put the pieces back together again.

We can even make ourselves feel guilty because we figure the brokenness is our fault.

Or …….we can clean it up.

Cleaning it up means you are completely aware that it is gone, broken, lost. You will not be using that vase again. It means you area aware of others who may come your way and be hurt by your broken pieces. Taking time to clean it up and take care for the sake of others is key.  In the midst of cleaning it up, you make peace with the pieces. The large pieces are easy to find, but the small ones often hide, sometimes scattered way beyond the breaking point.  That is when we realize I can’t just pick them up…. I need tools to ensure I have gotten every piece that can continue to hurt me or others around me.

The day I broke the vase, I sat for a moment….in shock that all my care still resulted in brokenness.   But just for a moment.  I got up, reached for the dust pan first placing all the large pieces it and put them in a small trash bag. Then I swept up all pieces I could see far and near- watching carefully for that ‘stray’ that always seems to get away.  After placing all of those in the bag, I got a large wad of paper towels, wet them and wiped the area for those extra small pieces that the broom would often miss. It was funny how good I felt after cleaning up the pieces so thoroughly.  No concerns that my kids would not be able to walk in the kitchen without their shoes. 

I had dealt well with the Broken Pieces.

Conclusion:

Our lives are so much more valuable than glass.  Our relationships with one another are ordained by God and so much more valuable than gold.  If you find yourself in the midst of brokenness, know that God has held you at a much more valuable place in His heart.  He will pull alongside of you as you work at picking up the pieces. God will give you people for your life and tools to help. His word is a huge tool that can walk us through the process of forgiving, admitting and looking forward.  His people are there to soothe the hard days and encourage us in our purpose.  His Holy Spirit will finally sweep over your soul to make you ready and prepared to continue touching and ministering to His people, without the concern of unintentionally hurting them with your brokenness.  Allow God to give you peace with the pieces.  Know that there is more to you that can be used for His glory and He is not finished with you yet.  And since He is Creator, we know He is also the Potter.  By putting yourself daily in His hands, you allow the Potter to put you back together again, for His glory and your good! -Without the Broken Pieces!

Mentally Managing a Mess

 

 

Have you ever been in a situation that you could not control?  No matter how much you pray or how much you try to get things to change, you are where you are and you can’t change it.  Don’t you hate that?

Well you are not alone.  So many times we have to outlive the decisions of others that affects our life.  You can feel hopeless and entrapped by something someone else decided without your knowing.  Maybe adjustments on your job that included you - now you are left with less provision to handle everyday needs that are already tight. Maybe someone did something that hurt and you are left with a broken heart trying to survive. Whether it is on your job, in your home or even at your local church; we can all find ourselves having to pick up pieces of our life that we didn’t drop.  There is no magical way to ease your level of discomfort, but know that there is light at the end of the mess.

 Tips to Help Manage the Mess

·         It’s Not Personal! First, don’t try to figure out who to blame. Sometimes people are trapped in their own pain and in the midst of it, they try to find a way out. You can become a scapegoat because of the love you will or have shown. Meaning… you are a good target.  We have all heard a scenario of someone coming home from work angry and they take it out on the ones who will forgive them easiest.  Love can make you an easy target! Other times you are just in the midst of a mess. People can be cruel and decisions can be made without considering how it will affect all involved,  Selfishness is rampant today, we can get caught up in the tailwind of someone else’s drama. Don’t worry about blaming anyone, many are afflicted in the same way.  This mess is not necessarily personal even if it feels it is.

 

·         It’s Working For You!  Romans 8:28… You either believe it or you don’t.  God has promised to make all of this work together for our good!  The first thing I need to know in any trial is that God Himself is in there with me.  Outside that, I am not sure any of us could survive.  Things can get really hard in this life, but knowing that you are not alone is priceless.  Have you ever really looked at one day in your life to see if you could have handled it without God?  Aside from the breath that He has so freely given us, I couldn’t make it through Houston traffic with a sound mind…without Him.  I really don’t want to ever have to figure out life opposite God.  He really works all this mess for my good and His glory.

 

·         Find the good!  I have a practice that I have done for over 30 years.  Whenever I have a decision to make I make a list.  Pros and Cons.  I literally write down in two columns the good results and bad results for a key decision I may be making.  Once I finish and I look it over, I put the list aside and pray and ask God to direct me in my decision.  This way, whichever way it goes… I have counted the cost to the best of my ability and it is actually reassuring to have some thought as to the pro or con that either decision might bring. This also works when going through a trial you can’t control.  You are already in it, so may as well figure out any lesson or good that can come out of it. Write what is good that could come or is coming from it, and what is challenging.  I have found that the good always trumps the challenge.  No matter how long the challenge list is, the good is so much better.

 

         Bottom line: Life can be messy. Not only do we have an enemy that wants to keep us occupied with it all, we also have real life issues that can be distracting.  If you want to win the mental battle, be honest with yourself and realize that you are going to make it out of this mess. God does not allow us to go through things to leave us, but He will show Himself to us in the midst of it.  Stay around positive people who can point you to God and His word.  Know that it will not last always, and trust God to keep your mind in perfect peace.... even in the midst of a mess.  Keeping your mind on Him will not only guarantee the peace will come, but it will also help you sort through what needs to be removed and what needs to be renewed. Look for Him, His lessons, His provisions and His grace.   It is always sufficient. 

 

Death: The Ultimate Faith!

 

 

 

I often think about death.  Not in a morbid way, but in a faithful way. We are surrounded by the reminders of death every day.  By watching the news regularly, you can’t miss it.  Seems as if it comes when it wants and takes whoever goes near its path.  As believers we understand that death is not prejudice.  We have all known of someone who passed and it really seemed like the timing was off.  We cannot understand so we decide to put it in God’s hands, and we continue living…. for now.

The bible says that it is appointed unto man once to die and after that judgment.  Which means outside the rapture, we will all die.

The thing that intrigues me most about death is the fact that to me, that is the ultimate test of our faith.  Oh we can talk faith a lot when we are living.  But in death, how you have lived, what you have believed and whatever is about to happen is about to happen!  No take backs, no restarts, no recommitments, no more time for questions and answers. 

 

Revelations 22:11-12

He who is unjust, let him be unjust still; he who is filthy, let him be filthy still; he who is righteous, let him be righteous still; he who is holy, let him be holy still." "And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to every one according to his work.

 

Yes, I think about death often.  I realize that if I really believe anything, I have to have it secured, BEFORE I die.  Think about it, what if our believing was wrong?  What if we got it in our mind that everyone is going to heaven, no matter what?  Or maybe with popular thinking now, we believe that death is just that?  We just cease to exist.   Some may feel we get another chance to come back to this earth as something or someone else… but what if we are wrong?  What if the bible is right and we choose each day what we believe by how we live?  Then when we die, God requires what He said He would and we come up short? 

 

Now you see why I think about death a lot! 

Because I believe it effects how I live.

 

I know what someone is saying right now!  “Well Jacqui, what if what you believe is wrong?”  What if there is not a God who is holding eternity for us?  What if we are just worm food?

Before I answer that, let me take another trail.  If we believe at all that God is Creator and that our existence is because of Him, then we understand the quality and value He has placed in us.  We are the only creation that lives with a choice!  Animals work with instinct, but we get to choose if we trust Him, if we believe Him.  God almighty allows us to choose Him, or reject Him. 

What a waste to just become worm food!  What a waste to have the ability to invent electricity, to find diamonds in rough places, to be able to go to the moon, drill for oil or even simply construct high rises, roads and bridges!  To have the ability to invent the telephone, to build an airplane- a huge structure that man figured out how to get off the ground and now we enjoy air travel. The talent for singing, sewing, cooking and everything else.   Not to mention computers that store what you put on them, machines that can build things for us.  Think about mankind, all that knowledge and then we die to feed worms?  I don’t believe that.  God put too much in us. 

 What about reincarnation?  The ability to come back as… I don’t know… a cow?? Some believe we come back as something that will teach us lessons that we didn’t learn already.  Again, why would God make us in His image, then have us come back in the image of a created thing that does not give Him the glory the way we can?  And we give Him glory, by choice.

 Back to the question for me.

 

What if what I have believed about God holding eternity for me was wrong?  What if when I close my eyes they stay closed?  What if I had no consciousness of anything afterwards?  What if I was just… gone?  

If I found after death that it didn’t happen the way I have believed, at least I can say today that I tried to treat people right.  I have lived in a way that was considerate of others, perhaps I have blessed someone during my lifetime and the “memory of the just is blessed.” perhaps they are remembering me in a good way. 

 

I wouldn’t want to be someone who did everything to please myself, running over others and treating them badly.  Fighting and hurting people just because I thought there were no consequences.  I think based on what I believe now, someone’s life should be better because I lived. Someone should have a better existence because I chose to do something to help them. That in itself is a reward!  So in my estimation, I have nothing to lose living a life for God, and treating others right. It is a win for me if I was wrong, and a win if I was right.

 

In conclusion, I am so glad that I truly believe what I do.  I am glad that my life is lining up daily to what I trust God is doing in me.  He is still working on me, and I expect Him to continue this work until that day. Peace comes in really believing what I say now.  Peace when looking at death, comes in knowing that in my final breath, I won’t be second guessing my decision to serve God. So when I close my eyes for the last time, I expect to see Him and live with Him eternally. Just like He said. 

 

That my friend, is the Ultimate Faith.