"Picking Sides- Two Sides to Every Story"

I remember the day well.   I was in middle school in Giessen Germany talking about a fight I was involved in at the Commissary. The confrontation was between a group of our friends, and a group of grown women.  These women were picking on our friend, and according to her it was unprovoked.  We ran into these women at the military base and they started yelling and made a step towards my friend.  Without thinking, I stepped between them.  After a few unnecessary words, a tossed soda, but no blows, we became aware of our surroundings, and we all walked away. Our group left feeling confident, because we were 'defending our friend'.  A few days later, while being corrected by an adult, my friend admitted her fault for the confrontation, information we were not privy to.  That was the day I learned a lesson that I still hold to today. DON'T PICK SIDES.

TWO SIDES

We have all heard that "There are two sides to every story".  Hearing and banking on one side leaves you fighting battles and confronting things that you may not have keen insight on.  It's hard to not pick sides when someone you love confides in you, especially if it seems they have been treated unfairly, or if someone does not like them; but if you pick a side from that perspective, you are more likely to find yourself wrong.  Even after my divorce, I didn't expect people to side with me... I have no side... we don't own people.  I am a person who went through a divorce, but God is still good.   I expect people to treat my ex-husband well because he is a great person- he is also the father of my kids.  I still send people to him for counsel because he is very good at helping people. Picking sides acts as if there is no error on the side you picked, and that is never accurate. 

Over 25 years, I have sat in counseling sessions with people without the person they are saying is the reason for their pain.  In those instances, I give myself to them and to their pain, I listen to them and try to comfort and give solutions that THEY can implement to get a God outcome. I give myself, but I don't give myself completely- I don't decide how to treat their 'person' because of how they feel they have been treated.  After all these years, I still don't pick sides.  When people ask you to mentor or counsel them, you have to know if they just want to vent, if they are rounding up a posse for a future battle, or do they genuinely want help sorting out their thoughts and feelings.  I may or may not ask these questions upfront, but it is always on my mind. Wisdom teaches us not to cosign for our neighbors, ( Prov 17:18)  if we really thought about it, that is almost the same as picking sides.  We are willing to lose something on behalf of someone else's experience.  Good counselors, good parents, good friends, don't pick sides... you can't help them if you refuse to admit and confront wrong on both sides.

WHEN TO PICK SIDES

After that unnecessary middle school confrontation, I was embarrassed and mad that I could have gotten in trouble for a friend that lied to us.  That day I made a life decision for myself... "That will NEVER happen again".  The only side I pick now is God's.  With my children... if you disrespected your teacher, I will deal with the teacher, if they were wrong, but your side needs to adjust as well.   If I am counseling a wife, I may love you, but how you treat your husband is your doing, how he treats you is his.  If you come to me for counseling, you will hear what YOU need to do.  If you want me to talk to him, bring him to the session.  We have to learn to not jump on bandwagons against people on behalf of other folks- even those we love.  This lesson if for friends, family, church family, counselors, mentors and even politicians.  Picking a side without considering what God has said can leave us without hope. Nothing can be resolved when every one is right in their own eyes.  When we pick God's side, we can sleep at night knowing that He will handle the results.  At the end of the day, I sleep well, I have no known enemies, not trying to make any, and I am not thinking bad about anyone!  That is peaceful and there is peace in choosing God's side.  So if you are in the habit of picking sides just because you love someone,  choose God's side.  His side is the only one that will hold up all the way to the end!