Conflict Resolution- "A Lost Art."

CONFLICT:  We can't get away from it. It happens with family, friends, acquaintances, strangers and can even happen within ourselves; but how we handle  it speaks to who we are.

In Acts 15:36-41  Paul and Barnabas had a conflict that could not be settled.  They were traveling together preaching the word of God when they decided to visit previous areas where they ministered before.  Barnabas  wanted to take John Mark, but Paul didn't think it was wise because he had abandoned them before.  There was such a sharp disagreement that these two men of God parted ways.  Barnabas took John with him, and Paul chose Silas to travel with him, and left.  

A LOST ART

In our society today, Conflict Resolution is a lost art.  I am not really sure if we ever had it down, but it really seems out of control now.   Children born to parents who didn't know how to resolve conflict are now unarmed to understand how to do it either.  We don't have to site the divorce rates, because that is just the tip of the iceberg.  There are couples who remain together but don't know how to resolve issues, they just fight, argue and complain. Family members who don't speak to each other because of an old issue that neither one is open to dealing with because if feels like admitting defeat. Coworkers that avoid each other, talk about each other instead, and make the workplace is hell for them every day.  We have lost the art of Conflict Resolution. 

CAN IT BE RESOLVED?

Maybe we should first be honest about whether or not our issues can be resolved.  See we were not made to agree on everything.  Some conflict allows us to grow and to continue to advance.  If everyone thought like you do, where would this world be?  It takes all of us being who we are and dealing with friction to grow.  Sometimes you have to admit when it really "is what it is".  I have been in conflict with someone and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was NEVER going to be resolved by talking, praying or confronting them again.  When you get to that place, it is time to release folks!  If you don't live in the same house, or have to interact with them daily, let them go!  It is not worth the energy or time trying to get someone to change their mind. I heard years ago:

"A person persuaded against their will, is of the same opinion still."  

So all that drama to get someone to agree with you is useless, especially if you can still fulfill your purpose and they can fulfill theirs without agreement.  It becomes more difficult when it is in a marriage.  That is why it is important to know who you marry, to talk and hear their heart.  The bible says "How can two walk together unless they agree."  Walking down that aisle is too important to forget to connect and communicate honestly. 

CARE ENOUGH TO TRY

We have heard in studies involving conflict resolution, that the person who runs from confronting the conflict, is the person who has the least investment or hope in the relationship.  I believe that, but also realize that today many just don't know HOW to talk and resolve things.  If you are someone who is uncomfortable with confronting others, you may need to get someone to assist you.  I used to ask the question- "When is a good time to talk to you about something you don't want to talk about?"  That gave opportunity for the other person to  pick at time, know it was coming, and prepare their minds.  Confronting people you love and who love you is easier, but when you are dealing with people who can care less about you, or your thoughts and feelings, you can still confront it; carefully. Do not expect a huge hug and apology, probably won't happen; it is just to free you and make the problem known. 

As people we don't like anyone ruling over us, we don't like admitting we are wrong, and we sure don't like having to apologize.  That mindset makes resolving issues harder.  The bible tells us that if we have issues with our brother, we should go to them and try to win our brother.  Since we are accustomed to watching people go to a lawyer, social media, their posse of friends, and even turn to violence, the art of resolving problems has been lost.  We need to resurrect it!

WHAT CAN WE DO?

Because we are unable to fix the entire world, we have to start somewhere- how about fixing your world, the space you occupy.   There is no guarantee that people will love it when you confront issues or try to resolve problems, but we have to start somewhere.   Care enough to deal with issues.  You will be surprised at how many difficult conversations can turn around for good. If we have to live together down here, we need to learn to.  For the instances where resolution cannot happen, the world is big enough for all of us!  Part ways and continue to love people and walk in your purpose.

In the case of Paul and Barnabas, it may seem that this was a failure to resolve a conflict, but in fact it was resolved.  They disagreed and understood that they did not see eye to eye, so they parted ways and continued to fulfill their purpose. Don't let unresolved issues stop you from doing what you are called to do.