Apology or Damage Control?

This is not the first time a tweet has caused someone to lose so much. Nowadays we have to watch what we say, what we tweet, or what we post; especially if we have something in our hearts to hide.  The bible tells us that: 

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Luke 6:45

THE ABUNDANT MOUTH

If you have genuinely good thoughts towards people, your mouth shows it by the good things you say. If you genuinely have hate or negative thoughts towards folks, that too will show. Even if we say things that sound creative, intelligent or comical, the source of it - the heart in it will show up, because it shows what is in our hearts.   

I have never been drunk, but I have known a few folks who have been.  It is interesting to me that when they are 'out of control' their mouths tend to be more honest about what they think than ever before.  If you want to hear genuine words, catch someone when they are not thinking.  See, when you have a bit of control, you can be politically correct.  When you are not thinking or feel free in the environment you are in, or your guards are down, you are liable to say anything!   I have found this to be true not just when someone is drunk, but also when they get comfortable around family or with their crowd,  or even comfortable with themselves.  That is why a drunkard can preach to you in the midst of their stupor.  If their heart was ever connected to God, they can blurt out scripture and make sense when they can't make sense any other time!  "The mouth holds keys to what the heart holds dear." ~jg

This is okay when you have good thoughts in your heart towards people, but when you harbor negative thoughts and open your mouth, or post on social media, you are subject to get your show cancelled. 

APOLOGY OR DAMAGE CONTROL?

Time and time again, whenever someone who is well known tweets, or is caught saying something that offends many, we get the apologies.  Sometimes they seem heart felt, other times we may roll our eyes knowing they are required to say it.  The problem with today is that most people are not interested in apologies if they are genuinely offended, or if they are on a bandwagon of sorts.  When we realize we have said or done something that can affect our plans, all of a sudden, we can line up our lips to say what needs to be said to take the heat off.   That is not a true apology, that is called 'damage control'. 

REPENT OR DAMAGE CONTROL?

Many times we may approach God in the same way.  We do something we know is wrong because our heart is not quite right, and when we realize there are consequences to our behavior or words, we quickly repent hoping to avoid the drama we have caused.   But the thing about God is that He really KNOWS our hearts!  He knows if we are just trying to buy time, or if we are trying to avoid consequences, or if we really are sorry for what we have done.  We all make mistakes, He knows that too. Our nature leans towards sin and daily we have to choose to ignore it and take on the nature of God.  So when we mess up, it really does make a difference in how we approach Him, and whether we believe He forgives us.  I always recall David who was called a man after God's heart, because his heart was wanting to please God even though sometimes his actions didn't.   See God is not as concerned about our actions as He is our heart.  Ultimately our hearts will determine our words, and our words will determine our actions. 

"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me."

Matthew 15:8 

ENCOURAGEMENT FOR US

If you are in a situation and you realize God is not pleased with it, the door is always open to apologize... rather repent. (repenting means to turn from- or change your mind.)  We are always able to go to Him and let Him know that we are sorry.   I am so glad that God is not like man,  He actually forgives us!  We may still have to deal with some consequences of things done in this world, but our future is not in jeopardy because He holds it.    Go to God honestly, not trying to hide your error, but admit your error and trust Him to make things good. He still has plans for you, and is faithful and just to forgive us.  Your future is not cancelled, if fact it is renewed! 

"For I know the plans I have for you, "Declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Conflict Resolution- "A Lost Art."

CONFLICT:  We can't get away from it. It happens with family, friends, acquaintances, strangers and can even happen within ourselves; but how we handle  it speaks to who we are.

In Acts 15:36-41  Paul and Barnabas had a conflict that could not be settled.  They were traveling together preaching the word of God when they decided to visit previous areas where they ministered before.  Barnabas  wanted to take John Mark, but Paul didn't think it was wise because he had abandoned them before.  There was such a sharp disagreement that these two men of God parted ways.  Barnabas took John with him, and Paul chose Silas to travel with him, and left.  

A LOST ART

In our society today, Conflict Resolution is a lost art.  I am not really sure if we ever had it down, but it really seems out of control now.   Children born to parents who didn't know how to resolve conflict are now unarmed to understand how to do it either.  We don't have to site the divorce rates, because that is just the tip of the iceberg.  There are couples who remain together but don't know how to resolve issues, they just fight, argue and complain. Family members who don't speak to each other because of an old issue that neither one is open to dealing with because if feels like admitting defeat. Coworkers that avoid each other, talk about each other instead, and make the workplace is hell for them every day.  We have lost the art of Conflict Resolution. 

CAN IT BE RESOLVED?

Maybe we should first be honest about whether or not our issues can be resolved.  See we were not made to agree on everything.  Some conflict allows us to grow and to continue to advance.  If everyone thought like you do, where would this world be?  It takes all of us being who we are and dealing with friction to grow.  Sometimes you have to admit when it really "is what it is".  I have been in conflict with someone and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was NEVER going to be resolved by talking, praying or confronting them again.  When you get to that place, it is time to release folks!  If you don't live in the same house, or have to interact with them daily, let them go!  It is not worth the energy or time trying to get someone to change their mind. I heard years ago:

"A person persuaded against their will, is of the same opinion still."  

So all that drama to get someone to agree with you is useless, especially if you can still fulfill your purpose and they can fulfill theirs without agreement.  It becomes more difficult when it is in a marriage.  That is why it is important to know who you marry, to talk and hear their heart.  The bible says "How can two walk together unless they agree."  Walking down that aisle is too important to forget to connect and communicate honestly. 

CARE ENOUGH TO TRY

We have heard in studies involving conflict resolution, that the person who runs from confronting the conflict, is the person who has the least investment or hope in the relationship.  I believe that, but also realize that today many just don't know HOW to talk and resolve things.  If you are someone who is uncomfortable with confronting others, you may need to get someone to assist you.  I used to ask the question- "When is a good time to talk to you about something you don't want to talk about?"  That gave opportunity for the other person to  pick at time, know it was coming, and prepare their minds.  Confronting people you love and who love you is easier, but when you are dealing with people who can care less about you, or your thoughts and feelings, you can still confront it; carefully. Do not expect a huge hug and apology, probably won't happen; it is just to free you and make the problem known. 

As people we don't like anyone ruling over us, we don't like admitting we are wrong, and we sure don't like having to apologize.  That mindset makes resolving issues harder.  The bible tells us that if we have issues with our brother, we should go to them and try to win our brother.  Since we are accustomed to watching people go to a lawyer, social media, their posse of friends, and even turn to violence, the art of resolving problems has been lost.  We need to resurrect it!

WHAT CAN WE DO?

Because we are unable to fix the entire world, we have to start somewhere- how about fixing your world, the space you occupy.   There is no guarantee that people will love it when you confront issues or try to resolve problems, but we have to start somewhere.   Care enough to deal with issues.  You will be surprised at how many difficult conversations can turn around for good. If we have to live together down here, we need to learn to.  For the instances where resolution cannot happen, the world is big enough for all of us!  Part ways and continue to love people and walk in your purpose.

In the case of Paul and Barnabas, it may seem that this was a failure to resolve a conflict, but in fact it was resolved.  They disagreed and understood that they did not see eye to eye, so they parted ways and continued to fulfill their purpose. Don't let unresolved issues stop you from doing what you are called to do.  

What Did You Hear..."Yanny or Laurel?"

This discussion has gone viral and many are talking about the recording that says "Yanny", or does it say "Laurel"?  It seems that a room of people can hear the same recording and hear something COMPLETELY different.  I could understand if it said "Yanny or Lanny"  or if it was "Laurel or Pearl" even, but these words are completely different and yet people are hearing what they hear from the same recording.  Of course some are already trying to find scientific reasons for this phenomenon, whether through frequency or pitch etc...   But here is another twist to this conversation...

COMMUNICATION  WITH OTHERS

We have all heard and agree that communication in every relationship is important.  Whether with your significant other, your parent, kids, friends or on the job.  But we all know that there are times someone says something and we can hear something completely different!  I have sat in meetings and had to go back to get an understanding because what I heard  seemed off.  What often makes me go back and question, is understanding the heart of the person who is talking.  When we take time to know the people we communicate with, it can help us understand them when their 'Yanny' sounds like a 'Laurel'.   We have heard that communication is not just exchanging words, but it is exchanging meaning.   If we focus more on helping people understand what me MEAN, our communication will flow much better.

COMMUNICATION  WITH GOD

"God told me to ..."  As a person of faith- I have heard interesting things over the years; yet I never tell people that they have not heard from God, no matter how outrageous it sounds to me.  See I am not God, and I can't rule other people's lives with my mortal limitations.  But I will say that it still amazes me how many people will say that God told them to do something that is not good for them, not good for others and not a reflection of His word or good for God's kingdom.  They are sure that He spoke to them and told them to do what they are about to do anyway.   Before we blame God for our poor choices and are convinced that He is the one talking to us, remember 'Yanny' and 'Laurel'.  Maybe we are prone to hear certain things and if we don't talk to others to see what they heard, we may miss it all together.   That is why God gives us people for our lives, not because they are perfect and rule over us, they just bring a balance to what may be a frequency that we automatically lean towards.  Don't forget the scripture tells us that fools think their way is right, but the wise listen to others. Prov 12:15 and it also says  "In the multitude of counselors, there is safety."  It is worth asking questions and balancing what you believe you heard with God's word. 

COMMUNICATION WITH YOURSELF

It is easier to distinguish a breakdown in communication with others because they can explain themselves.  It is also not impossible to distinguish a mix-up in our communication with God, because He gives us people to help and His word to guide us.   But what about the talks you have with yourself?  The things you will hear and believe because the voice in your mind can sound just like YOU!  So when you tell yourself that you can't do something, or you will never connect with someone who loves you, you believe it!  You may think your business idea will not work even before doing the research to see that it actually could... if you do it.  But your frequency has already talked you out of trying.  Remember the same safety nets that you have when talking to others, or God, are the same ones for you when you chat with yourself.  Run your thoughts by others who are not going through what you are going through. If they are on the same frequency as you, or dealing with the same challenge, you both may come up with the same answer.  Test what you hear through people who are stronger or further along than you are. Research and test your thoughts by the word of God and the people He has given for your life, then you can close the mouth of your mind and have clearer direction.  

Communication is important but it is not just the exchange of words, but the exchange of meaning.  Knowing the one you are listening to will help you distinguish what they are saying, especially when it sounds different from who they are.  Keep the word of God hidden in your heart to filter what you hear from day to day, and remember, when in doubt.. just ask. 

SIDEBAR:  I heard "Yanny!" 

Distracted On Purpose! Rubbernecking Life.

Have you ever been on your way somewhere and traffic all of a sudden comes to a slow crawl?  You look ahead to see what on earth is wrong, wondering if it will deter you from getting to your destination on time.  As you creep along you realize that there are some lanes that are moving along better so you switch, then switch again.  All of a sudden the lanes open up and the road is clear!  Looking around you realize this was just another instance of RUBBERNECKING!   

RUBBERNECKING LIFE

We really don't like to be a victim of someone else's rubbernecking, but think about it... how often is it you?  See depending on what it is you're looking at;  an accident, a monument or even possible road rage, it can draw your attention. Rubbernecking is defined as:

"Turning one's head to stare at something in a foolish manner; or the physical act of craning one's neck in order to get a better view of something of interest or due to curiosity." 

It is easy to see this in traffic, but it really happens everyday in all kinds of settings.  Our interest and attention can be drawn away on Social Media, in our Relationships, things happening in our Political system as well as our own homes. A distraction is anything that prevents you from giving full attention to something else.  Distractions are also extreme agitation of the mind or emotions.  Our emotions can pull us away and cause a distraction that leaves us rubbernecking in other's lives as we look for peace in own.    Life has many things that can pull your attentions and cause a back up while you try to fulfill your purpose.   We have to shake ourselves, keep our focus, and fight the distractions. 

FIGHTING DISTRACTIONS

I recently heard about a  woman who has put her life on hold while she seeks to solve an issue that has lingered for years.  From the outside, it seems right that she is doing it, but somehow it also seems sad that she has no other immediate goals.  To her that is the most important thing in her life.  But what if that one thing she is focusing on was not her purpose?  We need to know the difference because she may be missing out on a great life while only focusing on that one thing.  Nehemiah taught me about building and fighting.  We have to have a focus on what we are called to do, even when we have to also give attention to something else. If we are not careful we can end up rubbernecking life; we can find ourselves slowing down- almost to a halt due to distractions.  

If you have dreams, goals and ventures that you know are being placed on a back burner as your attention is pulled away by life, understand that you will need to focus, look for ways around the distraction and keep moving. Write down where you want to go, and put a plan in place that will help you stay on track.  The closer the distraction is to your emotions, the more impact it can have.  Stay on track, turn your head forward, stay in your lane, and look for an open road.  

Before You Post! "Consider the J.O.Y"

Have you ever started to respond to something on a friend's timeline and stopped?  How about writing a full response on social media - then after rereading it you deleted it before anyone else saw your words?   I have done the same thing,  numerous times! 

TO POST OR NOT TO POST?

See I realize now, not every topic needs my input.  Sometimes someone has already said what I want to say, other times there is really NOTHING good to say that will help anyone... I would just be venting.   There is a difference in having fun with someone on their post and having a laugh, it is another thing to say or do something in jest that can hurt someone else, cause confusion or mar the reputation of God or the Body of Christ.  Since social media is so immediate, we should stop and ask ourselves.. "Should I post this or not?  Who will it help?  Who will it hurt?" 

BAND WAGONS!

One reason we may post without thinking is we like band wagons.  We like to pull our posse together to 'like' what we are upset about, or  give us input to make us feel better that someone is on our side.  We don't often post our shortcomings unless it is to get sympathy for being honest, or a true ministry moment... but if we can post about someone else's shortcomings, we get responses from many who identify with our point of view.  The truth is every post, every comment, every share says something about US.   It says what our focus is, what moves us and what gets us mad.   It also sheds light on our level of spiritual maturity or the lack there of.   Examples:

• Posting angry words about a person in a check out line reflects YOU.  Their poor service reflects them.  

• Posting photos of someone in an embarrassing setting says something about YOU.  The fact that they have to live with their embarrassment is their issue.  

• Talking about a minister or church that is struggling in their presentation reflects YOU.  Getting better and learning to represent God is their issue. 

• Giving personal info about an EX and how horrible they are reflects YOU.  Their poor character or lack of discipline reflects them. 

God is not going to judge us for what others do, 

He will judge us for what WE do... even on social media.

Social Media is not bad in itself, it is really what we make it.  In these times as believers, we have to understand that putting everything and every thought we have out there is not wise.  The bible says "A fool vents all of his anger, but a wise man brings himself under control."  Prov 29:11

  

If we want to be effective as believers, we have to consider what the word of God says about how we talk or POST.  Remember everything we say reflects us, what we post God knows the place it comes from and there are people who know you as a believer and your actions reflects whether or not God gets glory or blame.  Ultimately, it will say something good, or something negative about you.  When people do not have the benefit of your presence, your words take on a greater meaning.  Take full advantage of social media, it is a great means to reach people you will never stand in front of.  But when you post, post responsibly, considering Jesus, considering Others, and considering Yourself! Post with ~JOY!