"Single and Not Settling?"

Relationships, are one of the most complicated things we will ever be involved in!  

As we are nearing Valentines Day, many people get anxious about who they are with, their relationship status, and what they will do that day if they are alone.  Many desire to be in a relationship, but years have gone by, and they still have not found the 'right' person.  We have heard for years about what makes for a good relationship, and what things to avoid.  Before we get into what we are 'Settling for" if you are currently single, be sure you are taking advantage of this time!  Enjoy the break,  learn to discover who you are, who you are becoming, and learn to love you.    Work on your purpose projects that required faith without the backing of a spouse to rest on.  It  can be interesting, fun, scary, and also exciting to trust God in that way.  When it comes to a relationship, yes, you may have  a long term goal that includes marriage, and that is great, but don't get so focused on that person that you waste this time.   

DON'T SETTLE...

In talking to many unmarried people,  it seems we have all been given the same talk.  "Don't Settle."  But what exactly does that mean?  I know that typically it means don't settle for anything less than what you want, don't settle for a person who is not in a high income bracket, don't settle for looks that are not magazine ready, don't settle for someone who is not sensitive, driven, given to your every whim, and kind at the same time.  Don't settle for someone who is cheap... or could that be frugal?? See every negative trait is a positive quality that is being misused.  So what you see as cheap could later pay off a house, or have you going on regular vacations... it is all in how you see it, and what is really there.

I don't know what your 'Don't settle' BOX speech has been, but I will tell you this...  None of us meet all the requirements of  that BOX, including YOU.  Many single people- especially women have been put in a box that someone else made, and we stay there hoping this perfect person will walk out of the shadows and we connect.   We don't look for potential anymore, we actually want a ready made package. We don't listen to good conversations if they don't look like what we want, and somehow we want them to pass the BOX test instead of being what we actually need according to God's specifications. 

Many of us have been taught not to settle for things when it comes to relationships so we raise the bar so high that nobody meets it, then we wonder why we're  still unmarried. There's nothing wrong with being unmarried because this is opportunity for us to really focus on what God has called us to do,  and build on our own, directly from God without having to be concerned with others input.

SETTLING FOR OR SETTLING WITH 

"Settle: to resolve or reach an agreement about, to decide on, a mutual agreement, to adopt a more steady or secure style of life, or make a permanent home somewhere."

Let's be honest, with this definition, we all want to settle!  We want to come to an agreement with someone with mutual benefits and be able to be steady and secure in our relationship. When people tell you not to 'settle', it is really up to the two of you what you are both settling for.  To settle well means you have time to talk about what you both want.  It is time to examine what you both have and if compromise is necessary, you make it!  Settling can mean that you are going with what is in front of you, and you both have a plan to work it to get what you want out of it.  When both parties make that type of agreement, you have a  firm base to spring greatness from.  Your strength may build the deficit in one area of their life,  and their strength may build a deficit in yours.  The hardest thing is for both to admit the deficits, and at the same time embrace the strength of another.  

If you are still single and extra critical of everyone you meet, maybe you should consider looking outside the box you have created, or that has been created for you.  Talk to God, talk to them, and if you have the basics in place, and desire to build from there....  it might just be a good place to settle!