Rebounding in Love!

Many have done it, most have had opportunity to do it, and some benefited, others regretted it.  I’m talking about LOVE on the REBOUND.  Most of the time people will tell you it is a bad idea, you shouldn’t leave one relationship and jump into another, especially with all the unresolved disappointments or even the great times still lingering in your mind.  But some times opportunity presents itself, and you just can’t seem to help it.  That is exactly what happened to me.  People were vocal about their concerns, some downright in disagreement until they heard my reasons for this new relationship.

Oh, BTW…. I’m not talking about a man, I am referring to my dog Zoe!

FIRST LOVE

Zoe was our dog for the past 15 years; she came to our house by way of my then Son in Law who picked her up at Walmart from someone selling puppies.  She was one of the last ones and they gave her to him for free; he in turn brought her to me.  She has been a fun and faithful family member since then.  She has seen all our kids grow up, been there when three of them married and she has welcomed the sons in laws and some grand-kids.  Recently we put her down, her health was failing, she couldn’t walk straight, couldn’t see and her hearing was fading.  The final decline was quick and happened in a month’s time, at the end it was right to release her and allow her to finally rest.  She had fulfilled her purpose which was us, and was gently relieved of duty.

THE REBOUND!

It just so happened that the day before I put Zoe to rest, I was asked if I wanted to take on another dog.  They were unaware of her failing health, but  Koko was needing a home quickly and the owner really wanted to be sure she was going to be well taken care of.  Well,  we are puppy people and love our furry friends, but I declined.  In her state I didn’t want Zoe to be feel that more love and attention was being given to another dog, a much younger dog, or that she was missing something pertaining to us in her old age.  My son has been asking for a dog, but I told him I really didn’t want to train anther dog!   That night, Zoe had the worst night, I told myself then that this was going to be the last night she went through that.  In the morning I made calls and after sending notes to the rest of the family, I followed instructions to have her put to rest.   Later that day my sister reminded me of Koko.  She noted it may be too soon, but was I interested in her.  Koko was house trained, fixed and really loving.  Since her breed was close to what my son has been asking for, after speaking to him, we told the owners that we would allow her to come to our house that evening to see how she does.   The rest is history.

REBOUNDING IN LOVE

When rebounding in love sometimes we have to admit that we can find love really quickly without trying.  Because there is a void in our hearts or lives, it is not always hard to find something that can fill it when we long for love.  Of course it is easier when dealing with a pet. Since dogs basically are here to hang with us, to be there with unconditional love when we get home after a hard day- it's not so hard to make that decision.  We already know upfront that we're going to have to clean up after them, we will be responsible for feeding the and picking up after them.  There are not many surprises there, unless there is a discipline issue or allergic reaction.  The greatest surprise may be how much you grow to love them.   But when it comes to rebounding in a long-term relationship with a person, there is a greater risk when on the rebound. 

I was divorced in 2013, we are not nearing the end of 2019 and I still have not caught the ball!  Honestly, I have not really be in the game, but the few times I was allowed in, I either dropped the ball or threw it back.  When a shot was thrown, I didn’t even go in for the rebound, I sat on the bench watching and wondering who was going to catch it.   See when it comes to rebounding love with a person, we have to take our time.  With animals they respond often by instinct, people respond by habit, mood, preference, emotions, fear, experiences or upbringing.  We don’t easily lay aside what we think to join with another to love them unconditionally.  We come automatically with conditions.  

BENCHED? TAKE YOUR TIME!

If you are out of a relationship and looking to get back in the game, take your time.  Don’t let people make you feel like you have lost something because you are not rebounding fast enough.  It may seem as if you are being too picky, or you are taking too long, but that’s okay we all want relationships that will last.  The clock will not run out on you and when the right shot is made, you want to be positioned physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially to catch that ball!  See being on the bench gives you time to read the plays, time to see how the game is going, who is making the best shots and where their strength is.  It also allows you to examine your skill set to see if this is the game for you.  

Your next level of relationships- whether friendships or romantic love, are going to be great if you take your time, know yourself and choose wisely.  Bringing a pet home on the rebound is much easier... (even though I have heard it from a few folks who think it happened too quickly!)  I am still learning what she is bringing to my house, but for the most part after losing Zoe, thanks to Koko, our home is rebounding with love!    

Zoe

Koko

Old School Bible Relevance: "Raising Children"

Let’s be real, children are children, even if it may seem as if they are miniature adults.  Due to this fast-paced culture they live in, and the ability to learn things quicker than we did, it seems that they are far more advanced.  Children have opinions (something our parents didn’t allow us to have), they are allowed to speak their mind, and trust me, they will!  Children learn beyond their years, they start businesses, they are keen, understand technology and do things that their parents didn't even think to do as children.   This is exciting for our future, but these same advancements can also cause great depression and bullying issues- it can cause self image problems and concern about success too early.  If we drop the ball in parenting this super generation of kids, we will pay for it drastically. I love this generation of children, except for what I don’t love about them. The things I don’t love stems from things I don’t understand…

I don’t understand:

A child hitting their parents and others without correction.

A child talking back and cursing their parents… (really cursing at all.)

A child that thinks everyone is subject to them and must respond favorably to their fits of anger

A child that has no respect for authority figure

A child who tells YOU what they will or won’t do.

As parents, some of us forgot that children are not puppets to make us look good.  We dress them up and buy them everything they want so they are happy- this makes us look like good parents.  But we may be judged by how our kids look in a moment, but we will also be held responsible for how they ARE.   

 I saw this years ago, I don’t remember who said it, but here is my version of it…

“The TEACHERS are scared of the PRINCIPALS, the principals are scared of the SUPERINTENDENTS, the superintendents are scared of the PARENTS, the parents are scared of their CHILDREN, and the children are scared of NO ONE.”  ~ unknown

OLD SCHOOL...SPARE THE ROD!

“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”  Prov 13:24

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,  but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.”  Prov 22:15

We always thought old school "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child" meant we had to whip everyone- for everything, but scripture simply says if you do not us a 'rod' you don't really love your children.  The ‘rod’ is not a belt or twig from the backyard, it is a "Rod of Correction".  Every person needs their own Rod of Correction and depending on the personality of that person/child you can tell which rod works.   The Rod of Correction is simply DISCIPLINE.   I was once told that discipline should match the discretion.  If  a child spills milk, cleaning it up may be sufficient.  If you have told the child 5 times to stop hitting the table or they may spill the milk, they still need to clean it up, but the discipline takes another level when mixed with blatant disobedience or rebellion.  The key to good parenting, is not taking some things personal.

ARE YOU MOODY?

The problem we had with old school discipline is that it was often given based on the mood of the parent not the personality or purpose of the child.  If I am mad, tired, upset, distracted or ‘in my feelings’, that is not the time to administer correction.   Your mood should never drive discipline.  Discipline is driven by the personality and purpose of the child.  Of course, some things need to be handled as they happen, so that will require a responsible, mature person who does not take things a child does personally- we don't discipline because of embarrassment, that does not last. Consistency in rules and consequences allows a child time to think and weigh options before doing something they KNOW has a bad outcome.  NO consequences, no reason to think.

A child that is quiet and does not want to disappoint you, may simply get a conversation with simple consequences.  A child that is more social and wants to hang with friends, may get restriction or play time taken away. A child that loves playing games, may have a different ‘rod’ than the one who likes to be alone. Be as creative as your child is when it comes to discipline.  There should be an understanding first, you don't discipline where you have not given instruction- and the consequences should match their understanding and the action.   I have given my kids essays to write with scripture when they were talking too much in school.  Scripture said be swift to hear, slow to speak.   By doing that, it reinforced the scriptures I want them to follow later and they had to focus to do it.

HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on the earth.”  Ephesians 6:2-3

There are a few things that we need to remember about HONORING.  First, as parents we need to be honorable.  Yes, scripture has not required that of us when telling the kids to honor us, but it does require that of us on our own.  Not provoking your children to wrath is another thing we need to learn. Being hard and difficult just because they are kids, will not help them honor us.   Today we have many single parents, many blended families, and what we cannot afford to do is to allow our kids to dishonor the other parent.  No matter what you think of them, we should try to keep  or kids  in a place of honoring; not talking bad, not criticizing openly, disobeying or disrespecting them.  We can help our children live better lives if we help to enforce this.  Sometimes we are mad at their other parent, or may not be in the best mood towards them if they are not doing their part, or if they talk bad about us… so we allow our kids to disrespect.  But if we love our kids, we should help them stay in God's grace where it will be well with them.  That is the only commandment with a promise.

OLD SCHOOL BIBLE RELEVANT!

In conclusion, yes old school bible is relevant today when it comes to raising our kids.  If we drop the ball in this area, we will continue to have an increase in crime, bullying, suicide, teen pregnancies and domestic issues.  Genuinely love for our kids is also found in the Rod of Correction.  Taking time to be strong and point them in the right direction, helping them hit a determined target.   Final scripture…

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Psa 127:4

Train up a child in the way he SHOULD go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it..  Prov 22:6

Is Old School Relevant? Part 2 Authority:"Get Rid of Them!"

Last week we talked about authority and how God expects us to honor authority, whether it is found in our house or in the White House.  Knowing that God us the initiator of authority, we have to find a way to honor it, and stay in guidelines set even when those in authority may do it wrong.  Today let’s talk about how to get rid of bad authority!   

“When the godly are in authority, the people rejoice. But when the wicked are in power, they groan.” Prov 29:2

Every authority figure has the responsibility to honor God and honor people.  If they are not doing that BEFORE they are put in office, it is unlikely that they will do it afterwards.   So some of what we have today is because of what we have asked for. Most leaders did not end up leading bad after starting their job, they already had signs that were questionable, but many times we vote for reasons that suits us, but does not suit the overall position.  That was learned from Saul and David.  King Saul looked the part of a good leader, but his replacement was a simple shepherd boy.  Scripture reminds us about man looking at the outward appearance, and God looking at hearts.  If we want to be able to respect our authority more, we have to learn to select better.

The bible says when the wicked rule, there are problems.  God knows that the person makes the position, not the other way around. Someone who has true values, lives them and cares about others will rule far better than someone who only looks like they can.    Meaning vote for PEOPLE, not for parties.  If we are going to prosper in this land, here are three ways to deal with bad authority figures.

THREE WAYS WE DEAL WITH BAD AUTHORITY FIGURES

1.      Pray – we can pray that they are changed, drawn to God or removed.  But praying cannot be based on us and our hated for them.  God does not answer vulgar prayers.  We have to consider that everyone has a purpose, a life and we all belong to God. We can't pray against the authority and still have hatred anger, revenge or malice in our hearts when we do it and expect God to answer.  It has to be from a pure heart that seeks Gods will to be done in this earth.   So if we pray that evil befalls them, God does not hear.  If we pray they are removed and that process begins and we get excited and prideful at their demise, God may withdraws His hand.  God wants our prayer to be prayed from a good place, a godly place… even for those who act ungodly. 
2.    Confront-  John the Baptist confronted King Herod about his lifestyle.  It cost him dearly, but confrontation is not wrong when it comes to authority.  How we confront and understanding the consequences of it is key.  Nathan confronted David when he was wrong, but the outcome was totally different. David repented and continued to serve well.  Depending on the heart of the person you confront you may get a totally different response.  Again we are dealing with people who have a choice in how much they want to be a good authority or an evil one. So yes, we can confront them, but understand it does not always work out.
3.   Replace – The last thing is to replace them. Nowadays we don’t really look to over throw governments, but it is an issue that there has to be more people unhappy than just you.  If you are dealing with authority in your home, I suggest replacing them with God.  Meaning obey and honor God and allow Him to deal with HIS authority.   When it comes to politics…. if the system is corrupt, you have to beat it in the system.  We have the right to vote.  If we don’t use it, we really cannot complain about who is in office.  If they are not ruling well, find someone who will- take time to pay attention to the whole package- not just what suites you.   But remember, everyone has a different mindset, we really do have people who only vote if it fits their agenda, they are not considering the person as much as they are the platform.  So there is a system set in place that allows us to replace those in authority, but until that happens, we continue to pray.

CAUTION:

One thing to be aware of is how you act when authority is rebuked or removed.  See none of us is perfect, we are all learning to trust God; so all of us have lessons to learn, no one better than the other.  If our response is not mixed with compassion or prayer for an individual, we may have  the wrong heart towards people God is whipping, so the whipping may stop.   Scripture says it like this...

“Do not gloat when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart rejoice when he stumbles, For the LORD will be displeased with you and will turn His anger away from them.” Proverbs 24:18

So even when we are happy that better days may be ahead, we should still not joy in the missteps or discipline of another person.  Our prayer should always be that people everywhere connect better with God, and that they are able to walk in their purpose successfully.

BUT..WHAT IF THEY ARE NOT MOVED?

Now to the part we don't want to hear...   What if we pray, we work the system, we confront and they are still there?  One thing we have to consider is this...  What if God has them there?

WHAT?!!  Why would a loving God want us subject to harsh and evil authority?  Why would God allow us to be under authority that is difficult, and not remove them after we prayed for His will to be done?   That is the key.  His Will.  Sometimes we think we know the will of God, it is supposed to be happy, joyous and profitable.  But what if God is using a bad authority to cause us to seek Him and turn from our bad habits and ways?  What if this land has gotten far from God and the only way He can get our attention is to have us being led by someone who will basically MAKE us pray?  That is what He did with the children of Israel.  The rotation in life for them was this… 

God blessed them, they were happy.

They forgot God and forgot His word- walked in their own ways... so,

God judged them and they suffered because of it.... then

They Repented and God blessed them…. They were happy… continued at the top...

All through the Old Testament, that is what we see with God's chosen people.   One thing we can learn about this is to be content and honor God no matter who is in office.  Be sure you are seeking God and obeying His word.  God will individually bless you even though the country may be in disarray!

CONCLUSION:

Yes God’s word works today when we talk about authority.  The problem is not the word of God, it is the hearts of men.  The problem is that we would rather get a temporary fix that helps our finances, or our freedom instead of seeking something or someone that will rule in a godly manner.  The bigger issue with authority is our hearts towards people that we disagree with.  Anyone can be a target, but those in authority show us our hearts. 

Join us next week as we ask if the word of God is relevant when it comes to training up our children!

Is Old School Bible Relevant? "Authority Part 1"

God and I had a serious talk before I writing this blog.  I reminded Him of what our topic was, and I inquired about which direction to go.  The thought of “Authority” came to mind.  I smiled, just for a moment, then I prayed …

“Lord, this is a big area.  People are angry with authorities today, our local leaders, politicians, and law enforcement have not operated in a godly manner in YEARS!  Expecting people to believe that this type of authority is from You, will be hard or may backfire.   This one will be difficult, I know Your word is relevant, but I will need You to really show us all how respecting authority is still relevant today.”  

I believe in that moment God smiled, and this is what He gave me…

ALL AUTHORITY IS OF GOD

The bible says that “All authority is of God”.  If you read Romans 13:1-8 you can find a lot of what God says about authority and the fact that He is the one who instituted it.  Authority can begin in our homes with our parents, in schools with teachers, in our communities with law enforcement and even to the White House.  God’s word has not changed, even though society has.  I am one who believes that the things we see today may shock us, but God is not moved, so whatever He put in His word years ago, He knows it is still relevant today.   As believers, we either trust God, or we don't.  So if He says authority is from Him, I do have questions, but they stem from the stand point of HOW I can honor them, not IF I will. 

THE PROBLEM

When thinking about authority, I automatically see conditions today.  Police brutality, politicians who lie and have been caught in illegal and immoral situations; even pastors and priests that have been found operating outside God’s word.  I understand that it is HARD to blindly say that we should respect ALL authority, but yet that is what God said- He didn't really say just the good guys.   Authority is there to keep structure, to give directions, and set boundaries.  Often the boundaries that are set, are not kept by those who set them. So what happens then?

God has so many things in the word that we should consider.  If you are a ‘sometimes’ believer, it is hard to find the balance of His word because we tend to lean towards the areas we like, or that are easier to keep or understand.  We don’t always take time to study the word so we can hear what God says on both sides, so we only look for results on one side.  The same word that is required of us is required of those in authority.   The problem is that those in authority are only PEOPLE.   Their authority alone does not give them superpowers to behave and act right, it doesn't dispel prejudice, or help them avoid sexual temptations.  They are required by God to put those things- their flesh...  under His word, just like we are.  We know that many of us  don’t, and neither do many of them.  So when God tells us to honor authority, He is really telling us to honor Him- to honor His choice to allow for authority on this earth.

MY RESPONSIBILITY

The first thing to note about authority, is that it is for us.  We are told in Romans to not be afraid of the authority because if we do right, their sword is not meant for us.   How we live should help us deal with authority.  If we live a life of crime, we should see the authorities more often.  If we have a sticker out, we are uncomfortable on the roads because we know they are watching for us.  I know what some of you are thinking, "What about  if I've been profiled?  If I am not doing anything wrong, am I still supposed to acknowledge them?"  The answer is 'yes'.  Even if we are not doing anything wrong, we can control some of the narrative.  But because we have seen and know the problems with law enforcement, we are ready to defend ourselves, fight, film or whatever!  So, when scripture tells us that a ‘soft answer turns away wrath’ we don’t really understand how that would work today.  We have been trained to argue, be defensive and get ready for escalation.  Some  situations we may need to be willing to let them play out without too much of our input of anxiety. It is better to live to fight, than to die with a fight.   I know that is hard to swallow, but so are MOST of the scriptures!    

If we really want to see the relevance of the word today, we have to be able to follow the word today.  Most of our difficulty comes in thinking that it does not make any sense to do things the way God said.  It may look weak, it might look vulnerable, and it often looks plain stupid.  But again the balance... "His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts."  The question is ...Do you trust Him?

SELAH

This is enough to think on for this week.  Join me next week as we delve a bit deeper in  understanding the relevance in the word when we deal with authority figures!  Next week we will talk about how to follow God's word to get rid of them!