Parenting Requires a "Buy In"

I sometimes stop and think about my kids.  I have been blessed with 2 biological children, and 2 inherited ones.  Each has their own personality and their individual response to life. Although they were all raised under one roof, they didn’t always think the same nor did they desire the same things.  One of the hardest things to deal with as a parent is wondering what you did wrong or what you could have done differently when raising our kids.   However, sometimes I think we put too much on ourselves. We think that if our kids don’t follow the path that society chooses, we fail.  If they don’t honor God every day of their life, we failed.  If they decide to do something we would never condone, we failed.  At what point will you give yourself a little credit?  If your kids are still here, still alive and able to make their own decisions, you have done something worth celebrating.   Before we go too far in that direction though, let’s examine it further.

WE CAN ALL DO BETTER

I would never imply that a roof and food is enough for kids to be successful in this life.  We all know it takes much more than that.  Emotional support, spiritual encouragement, financial needs and educational components, are all part of it along with taking care of natural and physical needs.  We are all made differently, so emotional needs might seem difficult for parents to meet, or even the financial ones.  But when we recognize our shortcomings that is when we need to  lean on our village.  We need to utilize our church family, local community organizations and even our family to assist us.  As we see in the news today, every village often comes with problems.  The worst thing we can do is to isolate ourselves from people we feel push us too much, or to select people to keep or help with our kids when we are in a crunch and don’t take time to consider their issues, or our kid’s needs.  Being part of a church when you don’t feel like going is often good for your kids. It enables them to connect with other kids, or possible mentors who learn them and love them.   It still takes a village to raise a kid to be successful in this life.

IT’S NOT COMPLETELY UP TO YOU

One of the most eye-opening thoughts that I’ve had in regards to successful kids, is the fact that it is not all up to us as parents.  When we consider that our kids are not really ours, they are borrowed from the Lord according to scripture.  Which means, they need their connection with Him, they CHOOSE to hear what you teach, act on what is right and live out what their purpose is.   The BEST thing we did as parents was to allow our kids to have a genuine relationship with God, not ruled and pushed by us, but guided by us.  Yes, we were at church A LOT, but we were also the same at home and church so we didn’t have two different messages the kids had to decipher.  We openly talked about God and His direction in our life, His ways, His love.  We didn’t think that success meant our kids had to follow in our footsteps.  We did however teach them to work hard, be responsible, watch their connections and love God.  God has been good to us in that our kids are good.  They are not perfect, but they love God in their own way, they know He is ever-present and they treat people well. To be successful in this life success will always require a buy in.  We, just like our kids, have to be sold on the fact that success is for us too.  When we come to that place, we can then begin following through on the steps necessary to get there.  We choose friends, jobs and how we act differently when we really see ourselves as being successful.  Teach your children to buy in to their own lives, their own success.

THANK YOU!

I want to take a moment and thank my kids for being who they are.  Whether biological or inherited, you have been a blessing to me.  Your life, your love, your personalities, your honesty and who you are becoming is a really joy to me.  We did what we could, but you and God did the rest!  You listened, you prayed, you decided, you chose, and you continue to go forward in a way that is truly rewarding. I am beyond proud that I have never visited a jailhouse to pick you up, I have never had to rescue you from a drug house.  We had interesting drama, but nothing that hindered you from being the success you are today.   I love you all greatly and am so glad God allowed me to ‘borrow’ you from Him.  Our only goal was to return you to Him, ready! I am excited about what God will do in you next.  Thank you for buying in to your own success!  Parenting can be challenging and we couldn’t have done it without you.